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Boris and Trump. Name a worse duo, I’ll wait.

In Movies en TV deur griffinRek jou bek

Our top 10 weekly selection of DSTV Now | Showmax | YouTube | Netflix | Amazon Prime

Can we please get up from our chairs and give Britain a slow clap for electing (by a staggering 0.2% of the nation’s will), the bumbling buffoon, Boris Johnson, as their new prime minister. This ass-hat was one of the most prominent pro-Brexit campaigners in 2016, and now he has inherited a political fuckup that, when you break it down, still looks a long way from being resolved. But it is a fuckup that he feeds and pets every day. Just by reading his name, I bet you 100 quid that by thinking of Boris’ stupid face and his stupid hairstyle, it made you think of stupid Donald Trump and his own stupid hairstyle.

They are like… toupees in a pod…
*puts on sunglasses*
YEEEAAAAAAAAH!

This past Tuesday evening, Trump said of the “victory”:
“We have a really good man who is going to be the Prime Minister of the UK now. Boris Johnson. Good man. He’s tough and he’s smart. They’re saying, ‘Britain Trump.’ They call him Britain Trump and people are saying that’s a good thing,” They like me over there. That’s what they wanted. That’s what they need.”

Right. On. Queue.

This is the closest that Trump will ever get to sucking his own cock – by closing his eyes and pretending that another ‘tremendous and very clever’ man with a similar hairstyle is doing it. But he is 20 years younger and has a British accent.
#GrabThemByThePeePee

Both these guys are horrible people, although you don’t have to go look far and wide for Trump’s racist and shitty-as-a-person remarks. You just need to open his Twitter feed at any time of the day and look at the latest tweet. With Johnson you need to dig a little deeper. Literally just a little bit. These two guys are very similar. Of course there are already news articles and columns out telling us that they are totally not the same. Fine, please compare some their good qualities to Nelson Mandela then.

Johnson has said incredibly controversial things in newspaper columns and on public platforms over the years, for instance saying that women who wear Islamic face veils look “like letterboxes”. He also used racist terms to describe people from the British Commonwealth. Back In 2007, Johnson ridiculed Clinton’s physical appearance in his Telegraph column, writing: “She’s got dyed blonde hair and pouty lips, and a steely blue stare, like a sadistic nurse in a mental hospital.”

Here are a few more:
On Papua New Guinea:
“For 10 years we in the Tory party have become used to Papua New Guinea-style orgies of cannibalism and chief-killing.”

On the DRC:
“No doubt the AK47s will fall silent and the pangas will stop their hacking of human flesh and the tribal warriors will all break out in watermelon smiles to see the big white chief touch down in his big white British taxpayer-funded bird.”

and on the entire African continent:
“The continent may be a blot, but it is not a blot upon our conscience. The problem is not that we were once in charge, but that we are not in charge any more.”

Boris refused to say whether he thought Trump’s tweets were racist, but both these turds seem to suffer from amnesia, because of his new best bud, Trump, he once said: “The only reason I wouldn’t visit some parts of New York is the real risk of meeting Donald Trump. I am genuinely worried that he could become president. I was in New York and some photographers were trying to take a picture of me and a girl walked down the pavement towards me and she stopped and she said, ‘Gee is that Trump?’ It was one of the worst moments.”

You’re going to have to stew in your own shit, dear UK. You had your chance with Brexit and treated it like a massive joke. Similarly, America thought the Trump election was massive joke. You don’t get the prime minister you wanted. You got the one you deserved.

Boris Johnson’s own father sums it up very nicely:
“They have the same hairstyle. I think they will get on.”

And that in a nutshell, is why you cant’t have nice things…

I am going to switch off the news for the entire weekend and watch TV.
Plumlist’s top 10 will help you do the same:

# 10 The essence of a black woman who goes for everything she desires
Bonang Matheba is undoubtedly one of the biggest stars in South Africa. She’s been hailed as the “queen” of the South African entertainment industry, and her awards, magazine covers, business deals and other achievements speak volumes.
On Showmax
(read more)
 #9 Ten reasons we still love the US Office
Over its eight seasons The Office served up plenty of laughs, tearjerkers, romantic moments and at least one instance of kitty flinging. These are some of the best of them, and a reminder that the best shows never die… they’re simply reborn on a new format (hello, streaming wars).
 On Amazon Prime
(read more)
#8 The hit romcom Younger is reinventing itself in Season 6
Season 6 of Younger, the hit rom-com currently up for Teen Choice Awards for Summer TV Show and Summer TV Star: Female (Hilary Duff), is now streaming first on Showmax in South Africa.
 On  Showmax
(read more)
 #7 Grassroots brings together a tremendously talented group of female cast members
Grassroots is a 13-part local series that explores the trials and tribulations of two young men whose passion for rugby leads them into a new stage of their lives. But what is also compelling about this series is its elite female cast members, including the likes of Zikhona Sodlaka, Lerato Mvelase and Connie Chiume.
On DStv Now
(read more)
 #6 Must love zombies: 3 freshly undead flicks that break the mould
Zombie movies never seem to die! To be taken seriously, these dystopian nightmares require a viral outbreak and can never utter the z-word. And then there are movies like these, which you can stream on Netflix and Showmax whenever the urge for offbeat horror takes hold.
 On Netflix & Showmax
(read more)
 #5 TFW the life you’re sleepwalking through suddenly comes banging pots and pans over your head
Megan Tucker (Diaan Lawrenson, 7de Laan’s ex-Paula) is the image of sleek suburban perfection until the day that her charming chancer of a husband Lloyd’s (Neels van Jaarsveld, Binnelanders’ Dr Gideon Basson) house of cards falls apart and he’s arrested for tax fraud in the tragic-comic South African film Table Manners (2018, first on Showmax).
 On Showmax 
(read more)
 #4 The Star Trek: Picard trailer shows the journey is far from over
Sir Patrick Stewart will be reprising his role as Captain Jean-Luc Picard, decades after leaving his original role on Star Trek: Next Generation, in a series to be released in 2020. Picard is in the next chapter of his life – and it’s not at Starfleet
 On Amazon Prime
(read more)
 #3 Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee shows that Jerry Seinfeld has much more to do about nothing
Jerry Seinfeld is one of the greatest comedians to walk the planet! As the co-creator and star of the popular and influential New York sitcom Seinfeld, he never has to work again. Although as a stand-up comedian, he’d probably argue that he never has … backed up by his immortal jacket, collared shirt, jeans and sneakers “work suit”.
On Netflix
(read more)
 #2 An adventure that breaks all the rules about heroism
One of the highlights of the film is Disney’s irreverence to its own intellectual property. Snow White, for example, wears a T-shirt emblazoned with the word “Poison” above a picture of an apple. Better still is Vanellope’s interaction with Snow White and the entire cast of Disney princesses, who ask her a series of questions about what kind of princess she is.
 On DStv Now
(read more)
 #1 This teen series for adults only is jaw-droppingly explicit
Exquisitely filmed using various interesting techniques, Euphoria follows “a group of teens as they navigate drugs, sex, identity, trauma, social media, love and friendship.” Ironically, it’s for adults only, and carries an extra warning ahead of the HBO intro logo.
 On Showmax
(read more)

Our randomized trailer pick of the week

Each week we take a number from 1 to 10 from our list of suggestions and put it through a randomizer to choose a trailer to show you. This week it landed on our number 2 spot, Disney’s 2018 hit, Ralph Breaks the Internet. At its heart, Ralph Breaks the Internet is a buddy film, as Ralph and Vanellope find themselves on an adventure in cyberspace. Both are arcade characters, but it is Ralph who is an analogue creature in a digital world; an 8-bit character in an HD environment.

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griffinBoris and Trump. Name a worse duo, I’ll wait.
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Dik fokken dubbel metal Donderdag! Overhex en Chaos Doctrine!

In Rolbees Reviews deur RolbeesRek jou bek

Chaos Doctrine het ons reeds twee maande gelede laat weet dat dié offerhande uit die vlamme van verdoemenis gaan ontsnap. Ons kon nie die naweek van die launch verby die boereworsgordyn kom en die Jukskei oorsteek na Johannesburg nie. So ek het maar gewag vir die regte geleentheid om daaroor te skryf.  Chaos Doctrine het verlede jaar Watkkykjy se ore laat tuit met hulle bose, sataniese musiek. Sies, ons was geskok en kon nie slaap vir weke nie. Ons het die album vir Rodney Seale ook gestuur maar geen terugvoering ontvang nie. Dink julle hy het dit dalk te veel geniet? Swart katte het ook oral in my buurt verdwyn. Net soos in die tagtigerjare. Daar was baie beloningsplakkate oral. Toe ek die antie by die SPCA bel en my bekommernisse breedvoerig vir haar verduidelik het sy gevra of ek besimpeld is en net die foon doodgedruk. Baie ongeskik, as jy my vra.

Die songs op hierdie EP is alternatiewe mixes van bestaande songs wat op hulle debuutalbum uitgereik is. Ek verneem ook hulle is besig om ‘n nuwe album op te neem. Mmm, kom ons hoop dis so befok soos die eerste een. Ons het hulle verlede jaar daaroor ge-interview. In hierdie week het ‘n jong band genaamd Overhex ook hulle selfgetitelde debuutalbum vir ons gestuur en wragtag, daar kom die posters van verlore swart katte weer op hier in my buurt. Vreemd nê? Dink julle ek moet maar weer die SPCA probeer waarsku?
Ok, so ek het gedink om vandag bietjie iets anders te doen. Die idee is nou nie eintlik om die twee albums hier te vergelyk nie. Die lede van Chaos Doctrine is veterane wat al dekades lank in die game is en dit lyk of Overhex onlangs in 2015 of 2016 begin is. Ek dink meeste van julle wil hê hierdie harde negatiewe musiek moet aanhou groei, nie waar nie? So kom ons betrek bietjie die jonger bands wat genoeg guts het om hulle musiek so lekker rond te stuur.  Daar was iets van die tunes wat my aandag getrek het. Ek moet nou net uitfigure wat dit was. Ek het gedink dit sal interressant wees om gesamentlik en afsonderlik my indrukke te gee van hierdie twee verskillende do-it-yourself bands. Wie weet? Dalk leer iemand iets uit die hele oefening? Meestal ek, vir seker!

Wat mixing en mastering aanbetref kan nie Jocke Skog, of JP Stefani, of wie ookal, ongeslypte musiek regtoor nie. Dit wat die band aan die begin vir hulle gegee het moes alreeds van top gehalte gewees het. Selfs met vandag se cut and paste/quick fix digitale opnames. As dit kak klink voor die mixing en mastering towenaars begin toor, dan gaan dit nog steeds kak klink na hulle klaar is ook. So wees bewus daarvan dat hierdie donker perde meesters is van old school thrash metal, death metal en industrial. Hulle sukses lê waarskynlik meer in die regte vermenging van al hierdie genres sonder dat dit verouderd klink of in die verlede verstik raak. Ek hou baie van soundbites in musiek wat soos movie soundtracks klink. Mens hoor dit minder deesdae. Ek hoor wel bietjie meer industrial elemente op dié version van FTG (4000 Years of Lies remix) en weer minder industrial elemente op Incubator (Primal Demix). The Genocide Number, wat een van my gunsteling metal songs geword het, het hulle ook nou in Afrikaans opgeneem en hulle roep hom The Patriot Mix. Fokkit, die woord ‘massamoord’ klink net soveel gevaarliker as ‘genocide’ wanneer dit deur ‘n maniese takhaar geskrou word in ‘n klipharde metal song. Die song Cult is ook meer vereenvoudig op hierdie EP en alhoewel hulle presser beweer die finale produk is nie ‘n filler voor die volgende album nie, dink ek weer dit is presies wat dit is. But who cares?

Almal betrokke het lekker rondgespeel en die eindresultaat is meer musiek vir fans. Nie baie bands gee so baie musiek uit in vandag se afgewaterde musiek-streaming-bedryf nie. Ek het al paar keer geskryf oor hoe Trent Reznor (en onse eie Terminatryx) wonderlike tegnologiese kuns saam met ander kunstenaars/platejoggies pleeg. Chaos Doctrine se harde, vinnige en pynvolle loesings word met kwaliteit uitgedeel vir almal wat dit wil hoor. Dit moet verkieslik kakhard gespeel word! O ja, Dr D (oftewel die maniese takhaar) het ook vir my ‘n digitale cover van Motorhead se Ace of Spades gestuur en ek vermoed dit sal seker ook op die CD wees as jy dit by die band koop. Hulle speel dit baiekeer live. Lekker version. Lemmy sou dit smaak!

Ok, kom ons kyk na Overhex. Die laaities het meer van ‘n The Exploited punk-rock gevoel. Dis waarskynlik hoekom hulle my aandag getrek het. Maar nie soos in die late-seventies en early eighties toe hulle nog nie vir ‘n fok hulle instrumente kon speel nie. Meer soos The Exploited van die mid-nineties met die Beat the Bastards album – net nog rowwer. Hierdie laaities is ongeslypte diamante. Ok, wag. Overhex is ook thrash metal? Klink hulle miskien dalk ook soos Suicidal Tendencies ook? Laat ek gou eers weer gaan luister.
(Intermission – raak verdwaald vir ure in ou thrash metal albums)

Yebo! Nou weet ek hoekom ek dit gelike het toe Griffin dit vir my gestuur het. Ek het net so vinnig van my selfoon af geluister, but I can smell good shit from far away. Ek hoor nou hierdie dudes volg nie die normale geskiedkundige grondpaadjies of teersnelweë nie – dit klink of hulle deur die bos wil fok met sulke kitare wat soos pangas lyk.

(Intermission: luister gou eers die hele album op Bandcamp https://overhex.bandcamp.com/releases  via Bluetooth op my Soundbar.)

Ek kan nog nie mooi hoor hoe die recording kwaliteit is nie, maar met hierdie hardcore punk-metal vibes maak dit seker nie so erg saak nie? Overhex het ‘n lekker sound so ek dink hulle moet net aanhou kap met hulle panga-kitare. As mens met so baie genres eksperimenteer dan is daar nog soveel meer onontdekte plekke in die veelal waarnatoe jy kan groei. Tussen envoudiger punk en ingewikkelde tegniese thrash metal is daar jare se planete. Hoe hulle dit ookal wil doen, dis hulle energie wat die dryfveer gaan wees!

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RolbeesDik fokken dubbel metal Donderdag! Overhex en Chaos Doctrine!
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Candace Bailey – Woensdag se warm bokkie

In Warm Bokkies deur griffinRek jou bek

Candace Bailey is een van daai Hollywood actresses wat, vir haar tyd op die circuit, nie te besig lyk nie. Sy het 20 jaar gelede(!) haar debuut gemaak op The Sopranos, maar net in een episode gespeel. Vandaar af lyk dit asof sy min of meer elke tweede jaar ‘n klein rol iewers gekry het waarvan ‘n langtermynrol in Jericho as Skylar Stevens, lyk of dit haar langste stint was. Nadat hierdie show ge-can was, het sy werk gedoen as ‘n cocktail waitress en babysitter tussen klein acting jobs.

Tit-bits:
Op 13-jarige ouderdom was sy ‘n junior Olimpiese gimnas.
Sy was in Maroon 5 se music video vir Goodnight Goodnight

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griffinCandace Bailey – Woensdag se warm bokkie
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Ouers wat die internet blameer as hulle kinders wegloop – Is Dit Net Ek Of Is Als Tos?

In Is Dit Net Ek Of Is Alles Tos? deur griffin en Chopper CharlieRek jou bek

Ons (griffin & chopper) se boek, Is Dit Net Ek Of Is Als Tos? word hierdie jaar (2019) teen Augustus se kant 11 jaar oud. Om dit te celebrate het ons besluit om alfabeties met die lys af te gaan en ‘n paar topics uit die boek te kies om weekliks hier op Watkykjy te publish, seinde dat ons die regte besit. Dis lekker kort stukkies wat jy op die kakhuis kan lees. Dink daaraan as jou klein zef kakhuisbybeltjie met pitkos vir elke dag… Wel, elke dag tot ons die boek se einde bereik.

Ouers wat die internet blameer as hulle kinders wegloop
Mens sien dit baie in die koerante: “So en so het iemand op MXit in ‘n chatroom ontmoer en van die huis af weggeloop. Ons vermoed sy mag haarself in die Vrystaat bevind.”
Drie weke later is die vuil meisie weer terug by haar ouers en moontlik verwagtend met ‘n mynwerker of trokdrywer van Colesberg se kind.
Pas julle kinders self op. Die internet het nie firewalls vir hormone wat buite beheer is nie en top cop Piet Byleveld en Mike Bolhuis is moerse besig met meer belangrike dinge.

Is Dit Net Ek Of Is Al Tos is in 2008 geskryf en uitgegee en daar was so baie copies verkoop dat ons dit in 2009 laat herdruk het. All-in-all is daar nog net so 10 onverkoopte copies oor op aarde en ons sal teen Augustus se kant besluit wat om met hulle te maak. Kort antwoord – dis nie tans te koop nie.


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griffin en Chopper CharlieOuers wat die internet blameer as hulle kinders wegloop – Is Dit Net Ek Of Is Als Tos?