Get your popcorn, we’re doing a Harry Potter marathon this weekend!

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According to the official Comrades Marathon website’s countdown clock, there are 29 days left until the centenary Comrades Marathon will take place. However, if you do a Google search for “comrades marathon 2021” you come across a now deleted page that states that this iconic marathon was cancelled. It seems that the race is on again? A cached result of the page revealed that the initial reason to cancel the 100th Comrades Marathon race was:

“both a moral and practical imperative given the ongoing uncertainty and unprecedented circumstances of the Coronavirus pandemic, the onset of a second wave and a significantly more infectious variant of Covid-19, as well as the ongoing National State of Disaster and its associated restrictions.”

I don’t know what changed their minds to go ahead with it again, because (and you better believe it) we’re actually smack bang in the middle of the THIRD wave!

But let’s leave them to it and do our own, safer and lazier marathon by watching all 8 Harry Potter movies over the weekend.  If we had to adhere to Comrades rules and impose the 12-hour cut-off time, you will only be able to finish the the first 5 movies with just under 3 minutes to spare before the revolver sounds the cut-off. We can mos take it easy? If you had to watch all the Harry Potter movies back to back without a pee or poo break, or falling asleep, you would need 18 hours and 49 minutes from finish to start. That is more or less how long the average adult with financial responsibilities stays awake and worries each day. Or how far Vereeniging is behind the rest of South Africa, realistically.

However you want to take on this race, is your strategy, but I suggest you klap the first two movies this evening after you get home from work. Then three on Saturday and the last three on Sunday. You are going to need a fuck load of snacks, so keep that in mind. It is going to be a super lekker and super lazy weekend – you’ll see!

Trying to remember all eight of the Harry Potter movie titles is like trying to remember the seven wonders of the world. I bet you can’t remember either, so here are the eight Harry Potter movies then:

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone
Harry Potter is a normal eleven-year old laitie who lives with his uncle and aunt. They kind of treat him like kak (almost like a slave) when they find out that he’s a wizard. He gets invited to the Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. He is whisked off to moerse weird  world. Widely known for something that happened to him at birth and being a sort of a legend, he makes tjommies quite easily but he also learns that not all wizards are lekker.

Fun fact: J.K. Rowling hand-picked Alan Rickman to play Snape herself and even gave him all of Snape’s backstory which wasn’t revealed until the final novel.
Another fun fact: The child actors and actresses did their actual schoolwork in the movie to make the school setting seem more believable.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Imagine how fokken boring this one would have been if they called it Harry Potter and the Chamber of Commerce? Potter is forced to spend his summer holidays with his muggle (human) family when he gets a surprise visitor: Dobby the house-elf. The little weirdo tells him not to go back to Hogwarts, because shit ain’t right. Harry of course ignores him, because we need a movie. Unsurprisingly, strange and terrible things are indeed happening. Harry hears voices from inside the walls and muggle-born students are being attacked. A message scrawled on the wall in blood makes everyone kak their pants: The Chamber Of Secrets Has Been Opened.

Fun fact: Daniel Radcliffe was initially only offered £125,000 for his role as Harry Potter in this movie but  The Actors’ Union Equity tuned it was a kak move, re-negotiated the terms and his salary was adjusted to £2 million. That’s pounds, yo! That’s roughly R35m back in 2002, which means he would have been able to buy between 13 and 17 houses, cash, in Waterkloof back in the day. At the age of fokken 13!

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Again, Harry is having a kak time with his family and runs away after using magic to inflate Uncle Vernon’s sister, Marge, who tuned kak about his deceased parents. He was scared that he would get into kak for using magic outside of school, but this is luckily not the case. Kak news is that Sirius Black has escaped from Azkaban Prison and now wants to kill Harry. Let’s pile more kak onto this problem as vile creatures called Dementors are appointed to guard the school gates and inexplicably happen to have the most horrible effect on him. Tough times for the laitie. Shame.

Fun fact: There was a clause in director Alfonso Cuarón’s contract which forbade him from swearing in front of the kids on-set.
Fun fact 2: Gary Oldman, who plays the role of Harry’s nemesis in this movie, knew that Daniel Radcliffe smaaks music stukkend, so he gave him a bass guitar as a gift when they met. Daniel must have burned through that R35m in a year, then…

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
This title makes me think of Johnny’s Cash’ Ring of Fire and you can thank me later because now it is stuck in your head for the rest of the weekend. Harry is chilling with his tjommies and enjoying the summer. His fourth year at Hogwarts is about to kick off and they get tickets to the Blue Bulls game The Quidditch World Cup Final. After the match is over, people dressed like Lord Voldemort’s “Death Eaters” set a fire to all of the visitors’ tents and sommer gooi’s Voldemort’s “Dark Mark” symbol in the sky, skeeming they’re cool like Batman which causes quite the stir across the magical community. Hogwarts also hosts “The Triwizard Tournament” which is  a magical tournament between the three schools of magic of which you can buy the shirts at Pick ‘n Pay Clothing: Hogwarts, Beauxbatons, and Durmstrang. Actually, come to think of it, Pick ‘n Pay only sells the Hogwarts one. Anyway, the contestants are chosen by a magical lit ball called “The Goblet of Fire”. Come selection night, the Goblet makes kak and tunes four names instead of the usual three, with Harry as number four. The magic can’t be reversed and Harry is forced to take part, like singing happy birthday to someone when most people sing too slow and out of tune.

Fun fact: Dumbledore’s library is made out of books but they are actually phone directories which were made to look like books.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
After a solitary summer, Harry goes back to his school of magic and again, it seems like shit ain’t right. The kakkest luck, left, right and center. Also, no-one believes him when he tells parents and students that Voldemort is really back and the one causing all this shit. There is also a new secretary of defense type person at school and she da nastiest bitch Harry has ever met! Also, his hormones are bothering him stukkend as he starts scoping out Cho Chang. It is one of his toughest years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Like how things are in real high school with the boners and the zits, but with magic added into the mix to confuse you even more.

Fun fact: During the filming of the previous movie, Matthew Lewis and Rupert Grint spilled a milkshake in Alan Rickman’s car. With the filming of this new movie, Rickman had a brand new BMW and the banned those two kakmakers from being within five meters of his new ride.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
This title always makes me think that Harry Potter smoked a joint and got busted before he could finish it – Harry Potter and the Half-baked Prince.  It is year number six at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Harry finds a book marked “This book is the property of the Half Blood Prince”. It helps him excel at potions class and teaches him some lekker dark and dangerous kak along the way as well.

Fun fact: This was Daniel Radcliffe’s least favorite performance by his own admission. Probably because he was also struggling with booze at the time of filming. He was actually intoxicated in a few scenes,so see if you can spot those?
Ons Harry is mos nou mooi groot!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1
Voldemort is getting kak strong and holds control over both the Ministry of Magic and Hogwarts. Harry and Hermione  take it upon themselves to finish  what Dumbledore started and find the rest of the Horcruxes to defeat the Dark Lord. Things fuck out.

Fun fact: You will see a scene with seven Harrys in this movie. It was apparently so difficult and complex that Daniel Radcliffe had to do more than ninety takes for just a single shot!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
Harry, Ron and Hermione continue their missing to find and destro Voldemort’s three remaining Horcruxes. It is basically the magical items responsible for his immortality. Voldemort finds out about their little mission and the biggest fokken battle ever begins. And as they say in covid-land – life as they know it will never be the same again.

Fun fact: Remember that bass guitar Daniel Radcliffe scored from Gary Oldman? Turns out Harry Potter schmaaks drumming as well, because he broke eighty wands throughout the filming of the 8 movies, using them as drumsticks.

By the way the seven wonders of the world are:
Great Pyramid of Giza.
Hanging Gardens of Babylon.
Statue of Zeus at Olympia.
Temple of Artemis.
Mausoleum at Halicarnassus.
Colossus of Rhodes.
Lighthouse of Alexandria.

Need more streaming goodness? Check out our top 10 list of movies and TV series picks from The Plumlist. It is my to-go-to website when I’m stuck for streaming ideas from Netflix, Showmax and Amazon Prime:
#10. Six gritty British detective dramas on Showmax and Netflix
The action is always better when the cuffs are slammed on by a gritty detective whose policies and methods of getting the bad guy bend the law a little… and the good news is you can stream loads of gritty cop drama and action shows across streaming platforms in South Africa.
On Showmax & Netflix
(read more)
# 9. Jet off into space with shows that are out of this world
For as long as humans have gazed up at the night sky and contemplated the stars, the moon, the planets and in turn their moons, we have found them and the mysteries they hold fascinating. Space travel and exploration are normal now, although the obsession with Mars is still puzzling; billions have been poured into learning about this inhabitable planet with a view to colonisation instead of fixing the one we have.
On DStv Now, Netflix & Showmax
(read more)
#8 Ten spell-binding fantasy period dramas to binge-watch
Fantasy period dramas make for amazing viewing, whether you’re going back just a tiny bit to the 80s, or you want something a little older… like the 1700s. You’ll find all these perfect-looking productions on Netflix, Showmax and Prime Video in South Afric.
On Amazon Prime, Netflix & Showmax
(read more)
 #7 Adult Swim refreshes its slate with brand-new content on Showmax
The acclaimed adult comedy brand, Adult Swim, exclusive to Showmax in Africa, will unleash brand-new, bold and irreverent content with the much-awaited launch of Rick and Morty Season 5, three new original series following the US premieres – YOLO: Crystal Fantasy (Season 1); Tigtone (Season 1 & 2); and The Eric Andre Show (Season 5) – and The Bleepin’ Robot Chicken Archie Comics Special.
On Showmax
(read more)
#6 Alex Garland’s visionary Ex Machina is a treat for sci-fi buffs
Ex Machina is from the mind of Oscar-nominated English novelist and screenwriter Alex Garland. A faithful servant to science fiction, almost all of Garland’s screenplays have been dedicated to the genre. It’s surprising that the up-and-coming talent hasn’t been more hyped up, considering his screenwriting credits include Dredd, Sunshine, 28 Days Later, Annihilation and Ex Machina.
On Showmax
(read more)
 

 #5 If you fell for Love Lives Here, try these other local gems
In Love Lives Here, now streaming on Showmax, Thando Thabethe plays Zinhle, a hard-working single woman with a modern outlook but traditional values. She knows what’s best for her, and that the next step in her life is to get married. But can she find a man who’s ready to commit?
On Netflix & Showmax
(read more)
 4# Eleven things to know about The Handmaid’s Tale star Elisabeth Moss
The critically acclaimed dystopian drama is based on the celebrated 1985 novel by Margaret Atwood, which won the first-ever Arthur C Clarke Award, selling over eight million copies and topping the bestseller lists again in 2017, when the TV adaptation debuted in the aftermath of the Trump election.
On Showmax
(read more)
 #3 Five movies to stream by high-flying South African directors
South Africa is recognised as a prime film destination, renowned for our talented crew and spectacular vistas. While big budget productions are finding their way to our country, we’re also becoming known for our steadily growing drove of world class directors.
On Netflix & Showmax
(read more)
 #2 Interview: Francois van Coke tells us about performing under lockdown
Just over a year ago, South Africans felt like prison inmates, locked up inside their own homes during the very restrictive level 5 implementation of the lockdown, in response to the Covid-19 pandemic. Parts of the country resembled scenes from The Handmaid’s Tale. Under his eye, tjom!
 On Showmax
(read more)
 #1 A chocolate box full of Afrikaans shows and movies
With COVID-19 still swinging the axe and a third wave of infections looming on the horizon, we are just over a year into the South African lockdown. Sure, we’re only on level 1.2b amended version 8 beta and we feel a little more cautiously optimistic since the driest Krismis in history, but I came to the shocking realisation that I have not seen the inside of a movie cinema or smelled that buttery popcorn in more than a year!
On Showmax
(read more)

Our randomized trailer pick of the week

Each week we take a number from 1 to 10 from our list of suggestions and put it through a randomizer to choose a trailer to show you. This week it landed on our number 10 spot, Six gritty British detective dramas on Showmax and Netflix“, so we randomized again and it landed on Marcella.
Marcella Backland left the Metropolitan Police for the sake of her family, only to have her husband leave her. She returns to her job on the murder squad, investigating a case that seems disturbingly familiar to her.

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griffinGet your popcorn, we’re doing a Harry Potter marathon this weekend!

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