Life’s a beach and then you can’t visit one…

In Movies en TV deur griffin

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It is the easiest thing to get the moer in with the government when something out of our control goes even more pear-shaped. We’ve all had enough of this fucking pandemic and now it feels like December has been taken away from us and everyone blames Cyril while we should actually be blaming our fellow South Africans. We’ve become complacent because when it was said that “life will never be the same” all we heard was “shit should mos be back to  normal at level 1” and here we are now, exactly one week from Christmas:
  • In KZN, beaches will be closed on 16, 25, 26 and 31 December as well as 1, 2 and 3 January.
  • Beaches and public parks in the Western Cape and Northern Cape will remain open and beaches that are open, can only be visited from 09:00 and 18:00. BUT non-compliance with Covid-19 regulations could see the closure of Western Cape beaches and I can almost 99% guarantee you that Cape Town’s beaches will be shut down as well.
  • A curfew has been extended and will now be from 23:00 to 04:00. Bars and restaurants must close at 22:00 to allow staff to get home.
  • The total number of people inside a building may not exceed 50% of the capacity.
  • All gatherings must show social distancing measures, and provide hand sanitiser.
  • The total number of people inside a building may not exceed 50% of the capacity.
  • All gatherings must show social distancing measures, and provide hand sanitiser.

Why are we here again? Because South Africans are dumb assholes. They wear their masks as chin diapers. They refuse to keep their distance in shops. They don’t sanitise. They engage in ant-vaxxing discussions on Facebook and spread fake news. Oh and some fokken idiot went ahead with Plett Rage where a crowd bigger than 1000 matrics attended the biggest covid super spreader event in South Africa.

What SA needs now is a super hard level 8 lockdown for at least 14 days where everyone sits on their fokken asses, but in stead we have priveleged people crying about their sea-holidays. Jirre, unless you booked it in 2018, stop crying. And people say that shit ain’t gonna be same again, maybe listen.
For the rest of us who can’t afford to go to the beach anyway, here is a list of entertainment that in some way or form has at least something to to with the ocean.
Well-well-well, will you look at that? An actual  documentary film called Life’s a Beach. It follows Mungo and the way he began living when he was forced ashore after his boat had rudder problems and consequently sank at Folkestone Warren. He built a small cottage from driftwood and salvaged items and through his ingenuity and skill created an alternative lifestyle free from the burden and control of the utility companies and authorities.
On Chesil Beach
A young couple has their romance turned on its head by societal pressure that leads them to an awkward and fateful wedding night. Obviously they have their honeymoon at this beach called Chesil Beach in Dorset, England.
The classic 1980s film has been remade for a new generation. The heartwarming drama tells of the chance meeting of two young girls from opposite sides of the track who forge a lifelong friendship. You might remember Bette Midler from the 1980’s version.
A gripping South African Christmas movie about a dysfunctional family and their beach holiday that forces them to come to terms with their flaws, differences, hate and love for each other. See if you can figure out which South African beach is featured and if it is under lockdown. Get yourself an ice cream if you were right.
A bit of a dramatic thriller and first on my list for the weekend – a chance encounter on a beach in France leads to an intense and enduring romance between two strangers, James and Danielle, who are on very different paths and bound for trying circumstances. She’s going to the dark North Atlantic bottom to find life. He’s going to Somalia to find a terrorist but gets a dark cell.
This horror was so, so good! Elisabeth Moss for the win! A family’s beach holiday turns into a terrifying nightmare when their doppelgangers show up in the middle of the night and begin to terrorize them. You’re going to KAK yourself!
The Odyssey
Some lekker local feel good stuff in the form of a 6 episode epic true life adventure doccie. Global explorer, undertakes a 500-kilometre unsupported row across the Atlantic Ocean but this time he’s taking a complete stranger, an ordinary South African, along with him.
There are actually NINE seasons of some iteration of Survivor available on Showmax and in this latest one, twenty brand new castaways will compete for the coveted title of Sole Survivor. They will be mentored by Survivor legends ‘Boston’ Rob Mariano and Sandra Diaz-Twine. This is the only season I haven’t watched yet, so I was dik amped when I came across it! Oh ja, and word on the street is that they’ve just completed filming another South African Survivor series…
The Meg
Jason Statham is in full action-hero mode, but this time he’s out in the ocean trying to rescue researchers from the depths of the Pacific who are being hunted by the largest marine predator in history: the Megaladon.
Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus
This is possibly the worst movie of all time! Everything about it is wrong and it of a 2.4 rating. The acting is horrible, the VFX is straight out of the toilet and I can’t for the life of me take Urkel serious as a grown-up. A Megalodon battles with a crocosaurus, causing massive destruction. The US Army has to try and destroy these havoc creating monsters. You absolutely HAVE to watch this all the way to the end.
Need more? Check out our top 10 list of movies and TV series picks from the Plumlist. It is my to-go-to website when I’m stuck for streaming ideas:
#10. Stream 13 of the best series from 2020 in South Africa
Reflecting on 2020 – as a whole as well as specifically relating to television series – Charles Dickens’s opening paragraph of A Tale Of Two Cities comes to mind: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”
On DStv Now, Netflix & Showmax
(read more)
# 9. Interview: Schalk Bezuidenhout on wine, fast cars and the year 2020
You have seen him on stages across the country, poking fun at himself and fellow South Africans with stories from his life, you’ve ugly-laughed at his stand-up comedy specials on Showmax, you know him as deur-die-kak Danny from Hotel and he even showed und surprised us all with a completely different and serious side of himself, dancing and singing in the coming-of-age drama, Kanarie.
On Showmax
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#8 Nine South African Christmas picks for a dose of homegrown fun
Our favourite local, lekker gifts on Showmax and Netflix for you to unwrap during the 2020 festive season. Take a look at this pile of presents, all packaged up for your December entertainment – and, even better, they were all made right here in Mzansi.
On Netflix & Showmax
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 #7 South Africans streamed plenty in 2020
At the start of the national COVID lockdown in March, South Africans were suddenly confined to their homes, which had a dramatic impact on viewers choosing to stream entertainment on Showmax.
On Showmax
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#6 Interview: SA rap superstar Jack Parow on “causing kak for a living”
South Africa’s most successful zef Afrikaans romantic superstar rapper, Jack Parow, has an impressive CV, stretching out further than his ridiculously long iconic cap’s reach.
On Showmax
(read more)
 #5 Meet the cast of HBO’s Industry
Acast of American and British newcomers star as a diverse group of interns who are entering the finance industry during the recession that followed the 2008 financial crisis. They work hard and party harder, all the while getting to grips with the harsh realities of the world of investment, and life as an adult.
On Showmax
(read more)
 4# Watch: Behind the scenes of HBO’s The Third Day
In this ground-breaking series, Jude Law stars as Sam, a grieving London man who rescues a young girl in the woods. He returns her to her home on Britain’s Osea Island (which, yes, is a real place), where he encounters a group of secretive locals, including Emily Watson’s Mrs Martin, preparing for an ominous festival that celebrates the island’s history
On DStv Now & Showmax
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 #3 Eight Liam Neeson movies for fans of Taken
Liam Neeson has been in showbiz for 45 years and despite saying “this is my last work” repeatedly, he’s surprised us time and again with new work. And by new work, we mean a tough older gentleman character with a history in some or other secret service, saying something like “I have a very particular set of skills, skills that I have has acquired over a very long career”.
On Showmax

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 #2 Stream Sunu Gonera’s feel-good story of hope, dreams and BMX
So here’s the story: Joshua is a refugee living in South Africa. He’s trying to make a life for himself but he’s constantly tormented and haunted by the life he fled. Visions, nightmares, even the marks on his skin remind Joshua of things that he ran away from and the past he wants to forget. It’s a daily struggle, but he is determined to find salvation.
 On Netflix
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 #1 Gallery: The most beautiful photos from Kingdoms of Fire, Ice & Fairy Tales
The 2020 South African documentary Kingdoms of Fire, Ice & Fairy Tales will transport you to three of earth’s iconic wildernesses: Yellowstone National Park in America; the Black Forest in Germany; and the Arctic Circle in Swedish Lapland.
On Showmax
(read more)

Our randomized trailer pick of the week

Each week we take a number from 1 to 10 from our list of suggestions and put it through a randomizer to choose a trailer to show you. This week it landed on our number 4 spot, Watch: Behind the scenes of HBO’s The Third Dayand it looks super interesting:
This limited series is told in two parts, Summer and Winter. In Summer, a man named Sam (Jude Law) is drawn to the mysterious British island of Osea, while Winter follows single mother Helen (Naomi Harris) as she comes to the island seeking answers.

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griffinLife’s a beach and then you can’t visit one…