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Now that you have fokol booze left, how are your TV-kyking skills holding up in this fokken COVID pandemic that seems to be getting out of hand? Don’t worry, I’m here to hold your hand for the weekend and guide you. You’ll be OK. Just sit your ass down and grab te remote. Dis fokken naweek!

Over the past few weeks we had a look at the action section of our virtual video store and seeing that things are getting wilder and wilder out there, I think it is fitting to park our horses and take a browse through the western section. You can be out in the great outdoors right here in you living-room, going on some kief cowboy adventures and experience the lawlessness from your couch in stead of out there in the Spar queue.

As per usual, we put them in order according to their rankings and I’m happy to report that the lowest rating you can kick off with, is 5.7. Which is still totes not kak at all…

Sew The Winter To My Skin
This entry is a slight cheat, as it is not a western in the true sense of the word but rather a western-style storytelling, set in a 1950s violent and racially-charged  rural South Africa. It is the retelling of the story of John Kepe by a liberal journalist, recounting the epic chase, edge-of-your-seat capture and intriguing trial of this flamboyant, native Robin Hood figure.
Here we go at 5.7.
You can’t support your local liquor store, so support local movies.

A Million Ways to Die in the West
Directed by Seth MacFarlane who also stars in this comedy western.  Oh, and Charlize Theron is the female lead. Go South Africa! This gun-slinging movie didn’t hold back on casting. It also features Amanda Seyfried, Liam Neeson, Neil Patrick Harris and Sarah Silverman. The story? A clumsy, cowardly farmer falls for the new chick in town but her hubby is notoriously kakgevaarlik and rocks up. Our unlikely hero needs to really dig deep within himself to the courage to take him on, because that oke coudl probs bliksem him out of his onderbroek.
A rating of 6.1 really ain’t, pardner.
*tips cowboy hat*

Five Fingers for Marseilles
Another really befokte local production and another modern take on the traditional western. Two decades ago, the young ‘Five Fingers’ fought for the rural town of Marseilles against brutal police oppression. Back to the present and after fleeing in disgrace, this freedom-fighter-turned-‘outlaw’, Tau, returns to Marseilles, seeking only a peaceful pastoral life. Upon his return he find all sorts of unlekker kak in town and he reluctantly needs to become  the hero again and sort shit out.
6.2 – the local movie beats the Set Macfarlane movie.

Colette
I could watch Keira Knightley daily. Collete is a biopic of a young woman who marries a struggling author. This nool convinces her to ghostwrite for him but when her work becomes a moerse hit she has to go op against all those toxic gender norms to claim the recognition she deserves. Want an example of the kak from that time? It was illegal for women to wear men’s clothing, hence the scandal over Colette’s choice to begin wearing a fokken pant. Ironically, homosexuality itself was legal, and had been since 1791. You dig?
At 6.7, give it shot. Because Keira Knightley in a pant.

The Sisters Brothers
We all know what a formidable force Joaquin Phoenix is and here is your chance to see him in one of those kind of roles again. In 1850s Oregon, the infamous duo of assassins, Eli Sisters (John C. Reilly) and Charlie Sisters (Joaquin Phoenix), chase a gold prospector and his unexpected ally. Despite the film’s American setting, fokol of the scenes were shot in the US of A , as  this movie was filmed in France, Spain, and Romania.
Take that, Tarrif Trump!
Standing solid at at a 7.

Brimstone
The first time I saw or was aware of Dakota Fanning in a major role, was 16 years ago in Man On Fire alongside Denzel Washington. This kid was 10 years old back then and has been unstoppable since.  She is phenomenal and I try and watch everything she is in. Brimstone is no different.  It follows the  triumphant and epic of survival and tells the tale of powerful womanhood. Dakota Fanning is our heroine,  as Liz, who is hunted by a vengeful and cunty Preacher (Guy Pearce). This fliek was financed by eight different countries, not one of them being the USA. It is also the most expensive Dutch movie to date after Black Book. Vat alweer so, Trump!
A top notch drama, mystery and thriller, clocking in at 7.1

Rango
Johnny Depp has had some quirky and eccentric roles and he chooses them for that reason. It is then perfectly understandable that he was cast as a pet chameleon, Rango, who has no business in the middle of the desert, but finds himself there after a car accident in an old western town called Dirt. Like the Western Cape, Dirt desperately needs water, but they also need a hero and a sheriff. Rango in a selfish manner, takes it upon himself to fill the role of sheriff and sommer also gets on the case of the town’s missing water.
Oh, and check this out: in the beginning of the movie, Rango lands on the wind screen of a red convertible in the desert, of which the driver, car, passenger and location all are modeled after Johnny Depp’s portrayal of Hunter S. Thompson’s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas!
A rating of 7.2 and the famous quote “I couldn’t help but notice you noticing me noticing you” should get you going.

Perpetual Grace, LTD
How about klapping a leker series in this weekend’s movie mix? When you weave a western with some crime, drama and comdy, you get Perpetual GRace, LTD, Coen brothers-type character cast. James is a small-time crook who has his eye on Pastor Byron Brown as his next target but soon enough discovers that the man of the cloth is not as innocent and deur-die-kak as he initially thought. Something weird and befok to be on the look out for? Ben Kingsley sings a cover of Prince’s When Doves Cry for the episode called When Doves Cry. Oh did I not say it stars Ben Kingsley? It does! And Luiz Guzman.
Piele actors! That’s probably why it is up there with a rating of 7.5.

Westworld
Oh man, the fucking stars in this series! Evan Rachel Wood, Jeffrey Wright, Ed Harris, Thandie Newton (hot AF), James Marsden and Anthony Hopkins to name only a few. Wow! If you haven’t watched it yet, know this – this series will nail your ass to your couch.
Westworld is a futuristic playground for the super rich and well-connected, where they pay fuckloads of money to be human guests who play either the hero or villain in a very realistic wild west setting. The hosts in this fake world are programmed to play along. BUT…  one of them, Dolores, (played by Evan Rachel Wood), who happens to be the park’s oldest host, starts to become self-aware and ‘unplugged’ from the system. Kak goes wrong very ugly.
Jirre, they shoot the living kak out of peoplpe!
It scored a rating of 8.7 and there is a lot to wrap your head around. An absolutely fokken next level, genial show!
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Need more? Check out our top 10 list of movies and TV series picks from the Plumlist. It is my to-go-to website when I’m stuck for streaming ideas:

#10 Stream and scream: 6 South African horror movies to watch online South Africa’s got the folklore, ancient cultures, spooky film locations and the wherewithal to become a horror powerhouse. The genre works on almost any budget and enables filmmakers to mask darker themes through horror fantasy elements. DStv Now	On Netflix & Showmax (read more)
# 9 How to watch Beyoncé’s movie Black is King online Black is King, the brand-new movie by 24-time Grammy Award winner Beyoncé Knowles-Carter, will be streaming on M-Net, premiering globally on 1 August 2020 at 20:00, within 24 hours of its premiere in the US. It will also be available on DStv Now for 30 days for DStv Premium customers.	On DStv Now (read more)
#8 Nine of the best WWII movies and series to stream World War II, a short history: Germany, under the leadership of Adolf Hitler, invaded Austria on 1 September 1939. Until 1941, Germany controlled most of Europe. Actually, I see now there is no short history; the whole world was at war until May 1945. It was horrible.	On Netflix & Showmax (read more)
#7 Stream the romance series about three people who were made for each other Gemma, a chef, and Kieran, her paramedic boyfriend, live together in West London, above Gemma’s café. Though Kieran and Gemma are rock-solid, love alone can’t pay the bills, or London rent. They’re barely making ends meet, and their clashing work shifts mean they’re like ships in the night.	On Showmax (read more)
#6 Nine courtroom dramas to stream Does lockdown have you arguing like a lawyer about the merits of restrictions like alcohol and tobacco bans, curfews, and not being able to see your family because there are no “visiting hours”? Don’t fret – there are tonnes of law shows on the streaming platforms to help you prepare for your day in “court”… even if it’s via videocall with the bestie you’re missing.	On Amazon Prime, Netflix & Showmax (read more)
#5 Stream these indie movies on Showmax The meaning of the term “indie” when it comes to movies is pretty fluid – no one can really agree on a strict definition. The term used to refer to movies made without the backing of a major Hollywood studio.	On Showmax  (read more)
4# Where to find Jordan Peele on streaming platforms in South Africa The world sat up and took notice of the comedian, writer, actor, director and producer when he won the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay for his 2017 directorial debut, Get Out.	On Amazon Prime, Showmax & Netflix (read more)
#3 Twelve actors who have played both superhero and super-serious roles Every actor worth their salt will say that they like stepping out of their comfort zone: case in point, these stars. You’ll find them in their more serious roles on Showmax and Netflix.	On DStv Now, Netflix & Showmax (read more)
#2 Eleven shows and movies based on books The debate over book-to-screen (big and small) adaptations is a timeless one. Bibliophiles and cinephiles create a perfect Venn diagram, with their opposing views meeting in the middle where sometimes common ground is found.	On Amazon Prime, DStv Now, Netflix & Showmax (read more)
#1 Nine child stars who are all grown up Drew Barrymore is the absolute embodiment of “child stars, all grown up” and you will be hard-pressed to find me another actress who’s acting career spans virtually her entire time on planet earth (45 years!), because her first acting job wasn’t at the age of seven when she played Gertie in ET the Extra-Terrestrial (1982).	On Netflix & Showmax (read more)

[feature_headline type=”left, center, right” level=”h2″ looks_like=”h3″ icon=”lightbulb-o”] Our randomized trailer pick of the week [/feature_headline]

Each week we take a number from 1 to 10 from our list of suggestions and put it through a randomizer to choose a trailer to show you. This week it landed on our number 4 spot, “Where to find Jordan Peele on streaming platforms in South Africa”  and from that list, we ended up with BlacKKKlansman. Do. Not. Miss. This! 

Director Spike Lee brings this unbelievable true story to screen. In the 1970s, Ron Stallworth, the first black detective in Colorado Springs, infiltrated and exposed the local branch of the Ku Klux Klan.