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If you are not in any way financially impacted by COVID-19, congratulations on finding a better paralleled universe  where you are reading this from! For the rest of you, I have some of my own thoughts about finances and how fucked some of us are and this came about because for the first time ever, I read a marketing email from the bank in stead of deleting it straight away. Such kind-hardheartedness from the corporate overlords, informing me how my credit card can work for me during these tough times.

It is amazing how they manage to give you real and useful advice but at the same time subtly coax you into giving them more money in the process. Feel  free to chip in, co-desperate comrades. I am taking their advice and adding my own flair to it.

“Here are a few points that we consider good practice when it comes to managing your credit card” 

1. Examine your monthly budget.
   The bank reckons that people are seeing a drop in their monthly expenses during lockdown and that they should make additional payments on their credit cards. Yes! This is a good thing. Get that fokken debt down. However, they then advise that you can use those extra funds at a later stage. This is a bad thing. They actually want to perpetually keep you in debt. They want that interest. Try and pay it off and stay out of debt.
2. Set up a debit order to repay your credit card
   Yes, all good, but try and find out if there are penalties when there aren’t enough funds, even internally between accounts. It might not be a thing but It might be the difference in having another, smaller debit order bounce or not.
3. How about cancelling a debit order on shit that you think you need but don’t?
   This is obviously not the bank’s tip, but mine. That security company that comes out for false alarms? I got sick of getting “viscous dogs” or “No access, all seems fine” notes in the mailbox and paying a company to leave those notes. If you’re working from home, you’re mos already looking after your fokken place? If something is going to go wrong, it is going to go wrong anyway. Just think about it realistically for a moment. I cancelled that debit order two years ago already. It was just under R800 per month or just over R9k per year. I used that money to get my own network security camera’s. Half of what would have gone to the security company per month, now goes to our bond via debit order.
4. Stay safe by using your card
   The bank reckons that you’re safer when your card has the contactless card symbol, because you can tap your card in stead of handing it to someone. Cashing in on fear, are we? I’ve only used my card at Spar, Builder’s and the garage to fill up. In each instance, I still had to put in my fucking pin, so don’t come here with your “safer” kak. Just go out less and shop less kak.
5. Cash back for shopping online
   Shopping online keeps us safe from the virus, yada-yada-yada – but these reward systems totally not free and it is not as rewarding as you think. If you roll with one of those private banker accounts, your rewards aren’t free, they’re just fucking you with a longer stick. In my case with my normal little pathetic entry level gold credit card, I pay R25 per month (when I last checked, it could be more) for this privilege, because I like little fucked up experiments.  I have never cashed out any rewards over the last three years since I signed up and my rewards balance is standing on R1116, a privilege I have paid R600 for so far. So  I’m standing on a net profit of R400 or  R16 per month. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo!
6. Garage cards are bullshit
   In my case, my garage card cost me an extra R42 per month, whereas there are no transaction costs on fuel with a normal credit card. So why would I waste R900 per year on having an extra card in my wallet? It is literally an extra tank of petrol I was washing. And so I keep home schooling myself on money wasted.
7. Avoid cash withdrawals and transfers
   Right on the money here, greedy bank. Avoid drawing cash from your credit card like the fucking plague! Exorbitant fees!
8. Apply for payment relief
   This is not the banking industry being the good guys. They just want more of your money and will go about it very creatively. By all means, if you are completely fucked, then apply for relief, but in the long run, it is going to fuck you harder because in the bank’s own words in black and white: allows you to skip repayments on your credit card for a certain period – provided that your account is up to date. Payment relief does not reduce your owed balance, and fees and interest continue to be charged, but you’ll feel the relief from being able to temporarily skip the monthly repayments due.

It is a fucking jungle out there, guys. Stay safe and good luck.
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Here is a kinder list. Check out our top 10 list of movies and TV series picks from the Plumlist. It is one way of staying out of winter’s outdoor clutches and away from the infectious coronavirus masses:

#10 On Becoming A God in Central Florida: it’s not all about the money, honey We’re three episodes into On Becoming A God In Central Florida (a mouthful you can shorten from either end) and the story so far is this: Krystal Stubbs – the spelling of the name speaks volumes – is married to Travis Stubbs, who is hopelessly entrenched in a get-rich pyramid scheme called FAM.	On DStv Now (read more)
#9 Rafiki: banned Kenyan multi-award-winning movie now streaming in South Africa Good Kenyan girls become good Kenyan wives,” but Kena (Samantha Mugatsia, who won Best Actress at Carthage 2018 and FESPACO 2019 for the role) and Ziki (Sheila Munyiva) long for something more. When love blossoms between them, the two girls are forced to choose between happiness and safety.	On Showmax (read more)
#8 Three witches take no prisoners in this action fantasy series More than 300 years ago, Sarah Alder made a deal to stop the slaughter of her kind. She pledged her people to the service and defence of America for generations to come.	On Showmax (read more)
#7 Fifteen series and movies that are similar to When They See Us These series, movies and documentaries explore the social justice issues that have necessitated the #blacklivesmatter movement, and are the perfect playlist to accompany Ava DuVernay’s tough-but-essential series When They See Us, based on the true story of the five teens from Harlem who were wrongfully accused of a brutal attack in Central Park in 1989	On Netflix, DStv Now & Showmax (read more)
#6 Devils: the high-finance thriller based on real-life headline stories Shot in Rome and London, Devils was Sky Italia’s top scripted series launch in nearly a year – ahead of both Chernobyl and The New Pope. The series has already sold to 160 territories and been renewed for a second season.	On Showmax (read more)
#5 We’ve never met a Rick and Morty quip that didn’t make us literally LOL One of the things that sets Rick and Morty apart is how much time is spent waiting for new seasons – the scarcity of episodes only seems to add to the appeal of this outrageous, twisted, downright funny show. Season 4B is currently streaming, with all episodes now available on Showmax. And boy, is it a wild ride of sci-fi randomness and nihilism.	On Showmax  (read more)
4# See the dark side of Jake Gyllenhaal in these thrilling flicks Jake Gyllenhaal is one of the finest actors of his generation. His breakthrough came playing an awkward teenager in Donnie Darko, a science-fiction psychological thriller and surreal cult classic about time travel. Perfectly cast as the title character, this dark, brooding and dreamy quality has haunted Gyllenhaal ever since.	On Netflix & Showmax (read more)
#3 Thirty-plus teen and YA shows to stream on Showmax and Netflix in South Africa Here is an epic collection of shows aimed at teens and young adults, from pure fantasy to serious and very real issues, from bullying to broken hearts. There are some classics from the “old days” (ask your parents) that could be a little dated, but they’re classics for a reason, and even if you’ve matured into your 30s there’s nothing wrong with a bit of nostalgia and guilty-pleasure binging.	On Netflix & Showmax (read more)
#2 Thirteen BAFTA nominees to stream in June 2020 Storyline: Chernobyl dramatises the story of the 1986 nuclear accident, one of the worst man-made catastrophes in history, and of the brave men and women who made incredible sacrifices to save Europe from unimaginable disaster	On DStv Now & Showmax (read more)
#1 Six ways the Spud movies reflect 90s boarding school life Spud is the beloved chronicle of John “Spud” Milton, played by Troye Sivan, a teenage boy trying to fit in at a prestigious private boarding school. Loosely based on the experiences of John van de Ruit, who authored the books, the Spud trilogy (with 2010’s Spud, 2013’s Spud 2: The Madness Continues and Spud 3: Learning to Fly from 2014 now streaming on Showmax)	On Showmax (read more)

[feature_headline type=”left, center, right” level=”h2″ looks_like=”h3″ icon=”lightbulb-o”] Our randomized trailer pick of the week [/feature_headline]

Each week we take a number from 1 to 10 from our list of suggestions and put it through a randomizer to choose a trailer to show you. This week it landed on our number 9 spot, “Rafiki: banned Kenyan multi-award-winning movie now streaming in South Africa” 

Friends Kena and Ziki want more from their lives than becoming wives. They support one another in their pursuit of their dreams but ultimately have to choose between happiness and safety in this multi-award-winning Kenyan film.