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Let’s try and forget about how Jacob Zuma and the Guptas dry-fucked us over the last decade. A lot of other terrible (and good) things also happened over the last ten years all over the globe (yes, globe, flat-earthers). We had duck-faced millennials with their endless selfies and terrible dance moves such as dabbing, flossing, and twerking invaded our smart devices’ screens. Hey, we got smart devices as well! Whoop!
There was also a sharp increase of doctors, lawyers and other specialists in just about every field of expertise who obtained their Honors and doctorate degrees from the Universities of Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and Instagram. Tech especially drove us (literally) over the last ten years but it also drove us mad. We literally couldn’t even!
But what else happened? Let’s have a look at a very brief recap of the best and the worst of this past decade:
At the very beginning of the decade, Angry Birds was unleashed upon us. A few months later in April we could enjoy it on the very first iPad which was released by Apple. Everybody went apeshit over this piece of tech. Some respectable and reputable tech reviewers even called it the “laptop killer”. Ten years later I am typing this article on a laptop.
Me: “Siri, please look up the definition of irony, please”
Siri: “Hi, I could not find evolution of iron bees. Here is what I found…”
More or less around the same time, Netflix expanded its business with the introduction of streaming media. It changed television programming as we know it, for ever.
By mid-2010 South Africa had successfully hosted its first FIFA World Cup Soccer tournament. A lot of people made a lot of money. I am not a lot of people. Shakira unfortunately also released one of the most annoying songs in modern history:
March 14, 2011 was one of the the blackest Monday’s ever. Rebecca Black released the song Friday. The song has received the most universally negative reviews from people with ears, for its songwriting, instrumentation, Black’s vocals, and the shitty video choreography and the name. On March 29, 2011, it surpassed Justin Bieber’s Baby as the most disliked YouTube video ever on earth. It now has more than 3 million dislikes.
On April 30, 2011, 24 million people tuned in to watch the the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. That’s a shitload of people tuning in for a historic event, but a month later, millions of people all over the world were doing one of the stupidest things, way too early into the new decade: fokken planking.
In April 2012, in Chicago, Uber launched a service where users were able to request a regular taxi or an Uber driver via its mobile app. At the same time, I would imagine that booze sales in South Africa started sky-rocketing, because now we mos have a fokken reason to get gesuip and not worry about road blocks.
July 2012: Completely unknown South Korean singer, rapper and songwriter, Park Jae-sang, made a stupid little song and dance video which ended up being the most ever watched video on YouTube in the galaxy. You definitely better know this little man as Psy and you have 100% tried the little horse-dance routine from Gangnam Style. In fact, you’re going to do it again right now.
Looking for proper marriage material? Well, there’s an app for that. Just kidding, Tinder is not for dating, fool! Tinder have been introducing fuck buddies to each other since the 12th of September, 2012. Okay, fair enough – some of those “fuck on first dates” encounters somehow did turn into marriages. Just wondering how many of them has lasted over the last 8 years?
We also had our fair share of doomsayers back in 2012. An alarming amount of delusional Christians and hippies seriously thought that the world was going to end in 21 December, 2012. There will be more of those in the future. Idiots tend to breed idiots. And Makro will make tons of money selling bully beef again.
This is the year in which the world lost Nelson Mandela (5 December) at the age of 95. One would reckon that 95 is a lekker innings, but you need to remember that he spent half of his adult life in jail.
Earlier in 2013 we also witnessed the Boston Marathon bombing, killing three people. Hundreds of others were injured and 16 people lost limbs.
In February 2013, The Harlem Shake went viral globally and every second doos made a video. Even me. It was fokken lame but it was the most fun ever at the Oppikoppi office:
February 13 – Belgium becomes the first country in the world to legalise euthanasia for terminally ill patients of any age. It is rather strange that Schabir Shaik, who was released almost exactly a year before this, hasn’t checked into Belgium yet. To this day, 11 years later, he is still the most healthy terminally ill person on earth. Playing golf seems to do wonders!
March 8 – Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370, a Boeing 777 airliner en route to Beijing from Kuala Lumpur, disappears over the Gulf of Thailand with 239 people on board.
Between July and August 2014, every second person was doing the Ice Bucket Challenge, an activity involving the dumping of a bucket of ice water over a person’s head, either self-administered or by another person, usually a family member or friend who fucks it up and foks the water out over their own heads while filming it for YouTube or Facebook. It raised over $220m for ALS worldwide of which probably R10 of that total came from South Africa, because who in Fourways can tell me what the fuck ALS is? Jy sien? You just like to make stupid videos, boet.
October 24 – Alan Eustace, an American computer scientist, set the current world record highest and longest free fall jump from 41.425 km over Roswell, New Mexico, United States, breaking the sound barrier without any machine assistance during a record space dive out of a massive helium-filled balloon, proving that you don’t need Red Bull for that type of kak.
February 2015: The entire social interweb had a massive spuitkak in their panties over – wait for it – a fokken dress. Or rather a photograph of a dress that became viral as fuck. Viewers disagreed over whether the dress in the photo was black and royal blue, or white and gold. Who the fuck wears white and gold striped dresses anyway? Serial killers, perhaps? However, it was still regarded as the best design for cocktail dresses as well.
On June 26, 2015 Same-sex marriage became a right in the U.S. It is only a matter of time before Donald Trump reverses it.
On 7 January 2015 Charlie Hebdo Attack in Paris. Over a fokken cartoon.
During 2015, the entire Africa went an entire year without naturally occurring polio. Let’s give ourselves a hand! And remember to vaccinate!
On 19 August, 2015 Showmax launches as an answer to Netflix. In December 2015, Showmax expanded its reach to audiences in Europe, Australia, New Zealand, North America and Canada. South Africa is up there with the best!
In 2016, America’s future is forever changed (for the worst) with orange idiot, Donald Trump becoming the most powerful talking pumpkin on the planet.
February 2016 – After missing out on an Oscar for his brilliant performance in The Aviator, Leonardo DiCaprio finally won an Oscar for his role in The Revenant, ironically a film with very little dialogue.
July 2016: As explained by Leppard Law in a post, the world went bat shit crazy over Pokémon Go, an augmented reality mobile game which allegedly may have contributed to nearly 150,000 traffic accidents, 256 deaths and economic costs of between $2 billion and $7.3 billion in the first 148 days after its introduction to the US. Goeie fok! That are a lot of prangs!
May – June 2017: Fokken fidget spinners. Need I say more? Irritation levels through the roof.
November 21 – Robert Mugabe unwillingly resigns after 37 years of rule over Zimbabwe. Thankfully the piece of shit would die two years later.
December 14 – The Walt Disney Company announces that it will acquire most of 21st Century Fox, including the 20th Century Fox film studio, for $66 billion. They will probably own your house by the turn of this decade.
Imagine Dragons releases Thunder, the Proteas use it as a sort of theme song during the 2017 World Cup Cricket Tournament and I can honestly not remember how far they made it. England won the trophy:
February 6 – SpaceX successfully conducts its maiden flight of its most powerful rocket to date, the Falcon Heavy. More impressively it lands again in the exact spot where it kakked. Like a trained Rottweiler.
March 19 – Humans prove once again that they’re a shit species as the world’s last male northern white rhinoceros dies in Kenya, making the subspecies functionally extinct.
18 April – Cinemas open in Saudi Arabia for the first time since 1983 with the American film Black Panther chosen as the first to be screened
May 2018: There was another royal wedding as Prince Harry and Meghan Markle tied the knot St George’s Chapel at Windsor Castle. Harry wore a kief Suit.
October 2018: A Banksy painting self-destructed.
2018 is also the year in which South Africa’s biggest festival, Oppikoppi self-destructed due to bad choices and mismanagement from the organisers. They put the blame on crime, but the crime was a direct result of their bad choices, mismanagement and banning experienced security management from the festival.
This is still too fresh but it was the year in which tackling the climate emergency finally took overdue center stage – at least for the public, if not for politicians. Grown ass men felt immensely intimidated and their egos overshadowed by sixteen year old Greta Thunberg – a teenage girl who lead a grassroots global rebellion that saw millions of people take to the streets. She turned 17 today. Happy birthday, Greta!
There were also a fuck load of fires. In April, a major fire engulfed Notre-Dame Cathedral in Paris, resulting in the roof and main spire collapsing. The Amazon took a massive beating. Then poor people kakked on rich people for not saving the Amazon forrest but rather culture. California is still counting their losses after Trumped suggest they “rake” the forests and Australia is as of today still burning since last year. It is so bad that it forms new weather patterns!
July 2019 was the hottest month on record globally at 0.95 °C above the 20th-century average. Yay us!
On the plus side – Avengers: Endgame was released in theaters, breaking many box-office records, including becoming the highest grossing movie of all time.
Oh ja, and this website, watkykjy.co.za, one of South Africa’s longest running blogs, turned 20 years old as well.
Let’s see if we’re up for another ten years of talking shit! Here is to another decade.
Let’s be less dumb?
Head over to
the Plumlist for our weekly top 10. Head into the new decade a more relaxed:
|#10 The victim becomes the villain in Season 2 of You
Joe Goldberg is not someone who can fit neatly into a psychiatric diagnosis. While he displays many traits of a sociopath or psychopath – manipulative, grandiose sense of self, pathological lying – his emotions are not shallow, he is indeed very capable of love in his own twisted way, and he most certainly feels some remorse.
| #9 Binge-watch every gorgeous episode of His Dark Materials
The entire series of HBO’s His Dark Materials is now on Showmax. Here’s a sneak peek of the immersive visuals and the detailed beauty of Philip Pullman’s characters, both human and daemon, brought to life.
| On Showmax
|#8 The Witcher: when brutal is beautiful
This show promised much in the way of intrigue, drama, magic, and monsters, and boy, oh boy, does it deliver. Visually, it’s spectacular. The costumes, sets, and landscapes are all breathtaking.
| On Netflix
| #7 The best comedies to stream on Showmax
Get ready for a binge-watch session of hilarious and epic proportions. These are the top-rated, most acclaimed and most popular Plum Picks in the comedy genre on Showmax. Click on the titles to start watching immediately. And… go!
| #6 The Orville: Brooklyn Nine-Nine. But in space.
Who’d have thought that a sci-fi series by Seth MacFarlane would be this good? Yes, the very same Seth MacFarlane who’s responsible for American Dad, Family Guy, and a farting not-child-friendly teddy bear.
|On DStv Now
| #5 Five things to know before you check into Room 104
Room 104 is one of those shows that you really shouldn’t binge. Set in a single room of a typical American chain motel, it’s designed to be nibbled on rather than devoured.
| 4# Where to find Helena Bonham Carter on internet TV
She’s played the Queen Mother and the Queen Mother’s youngest daughter; she’s narrated the children’s classic The Gruffalo and starred as one of JK Rowling’s most evil villains; she’s done the low-budget indie thing and also starred in some of the biggest films of the past three decades.
| On Amazon Prime, Netflix & Showmax
| #3 The best of the decade in South African film and TV
The 2010s saw African films make even more headlines at the world’s biggest festivals, from AFI to Berlin, Sundance to Toronto, earning Oscar and Golden Globe nominations along the way.
| #2 Nine reality love shows to stream in wedding season
Does it feel like everyone you know is getting married at the moment? These shows will keep any singleton company all through the summer wedding season in South Africa, and serve as very entertaining reminders that most dates are, let’s face it, completely awful.
| On DStv Now & Showmax
| #1 Legion was made for sci-fi freaks who are up for a challenge
There have been some concerns of late that the superhero movie and TV market is getting a tad saturated, as Hollywood has been seriously cashing in on this genre for at least the past decade and that a breaking point is imminent.
| On Showmax
Our randomized trailer pick of the week
Each week we take a number from 1 to 10 from our list of suggestions and put it through a randomizer to choose a trailer to show you. This week it landed on our number 1 spot, Legion!
Legion follows David Haller, a troubled young man who may be more than human. Diagnosed as schizophrenic, David has been in and out of psychiatric hospitals for years. But after a strange encounter with a fellow patient, he’s confronted with the possibility that the voices he hears and visions might be real:
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