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We all do it to ourselves , almost without fail, every year – you set the bar way to high and before you know it, you’ve failed to make proper plans for Valentine’s Day, and you’ve already fucked up half of the things you’ve set out for yourself to achieve or accomplish. Welcome to month two of every year of your adult life – the month where people’s dreams go to die…

But hey, if you don’t at least try, you will never know just how hard you fail or how close you came to succeeding. I don’t want to be all negative, so here is a list of the most common new year’s resolutions people tend to break, along with some kak advise from myself on how to fail a little bit more gently. There are actually eleven resolutions, but you know that because you’re reading this on the watt bike at the Virgin Active…

1. Eat Healthier and Diet or eat better
   This is supposed to be an easy one. Humans have to eat sleep, poop and be awake. Those are the bare basics, china. If you eat better, you will poop better. If you poop better, you will sleep better and if you sleep better, the times when you are awake will be a lot less poopy. So why do we keep fucking this up? Less, sugar, less bread, less fat and less meat? It should probably be as easy as that, but for some reason we fail at it. I would start by dopping less hard tack. Or at least drinking brandy with water in stead of Coke. It looks fancier, for starters. The rest should follow.
2. Spend More Time with Family
   For various reasons this is near impossible for a lot of people. They might live in another country or you don’t get along. Some people don’t even have family. If things are totally desperate, I would suggest trying to make at least one new good friend this year. Sometimes friends are considered family.
3. Be Less Stressed
   Again, easier said than done as different things stress different people. A way to approach this, is to tick off at least one of the items on this list. Number 1 (eating healthier and cutting down on booze) would totes bring stress levels down, fokken guaranteed!
4. Finding a significant other, bumping more uglies in the dark or or getting married.
   *opens Chappies bubblegum and reads the inside*
   “Did you know? It is actually 100% fokken OK not to have a significant other.”
   Oprah Winfrey, Sheryl Crow, Coco Chanel, Al Pacino and Ludwig van Beethoven never go married and they’re totally fine and sleeping on piles of money. Except for Ludwig van Beethoven. He is fucking dead of course. But he made tit music.
   Focus on yourself. If sex and a relationship is really that important to you, it should follow naturally if you look after yourself. Otherwise, focus on fixing the little things first and then follow your hormones and wet bits around in the dark or on Tinder.
5. Get Out of Debt and Save Money
   This is virtually impossible. Most of us are forever paying off credit cards, car loans and home loans. If you’re one of those idiots who have clothing accounts… *poesklap* snap out of it! Also remember that you don’t have to get out of debt THIS year, but you can get closer. Start settling the debts with the highest interest first. Another good tip is to have a 1 year goal, a 5 year goal and a 10 year goal. Maybe settle your small debts within the one year goal, pay off the bigger debts within the 5 year goal and work towards a plan to settle your house in 10 years in stead of the remaining 14 years, for example. Also, you don’t need to be in perpetual debt with a car payment forever. Once paid off, sit on your fucking hands. Maybe drive it for another 2 years and pretend that you’re still paying it off but shove that payment into your bond?
6. Travel to New Places
   This doesn’t mean you have to go overseas. Go see Soweto if you haven’t yet, take a drive to your nearest nature reserve or go see some cheap touristy place that you’ve never been to. South Africa is massive and our country guaranteed has loads of awesome places you haven’t been to. It doesn’t have to be a massively big move or expensive exercise, but at least it is an easy thing to tick off your list. It might inspire you to klap the other stuff on your list as well.
7. Learn Something New
   The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. There. You’ve learned something new.
   Not?
   Ok, then get a cheap guitar and learn some chords. Here are the most basic 6 chords. Your fingers go where the black dots go. You’ll be able to play thousands of songs:
   
   
8. Volunteer
   Please don’t. You see a lot of people volunteering at dog and cat shelters or feeding the homeless soup. Unless you’re committed, please don’t do this and please don’t post photos on Facebook about it, because if you stop doing it at the same time you stop going to gym, I’m going to call out our ass on it. Virtue signalling should be criminalized.
9. Quit Smoking
   This was one of the hardest things I ever managed to succeed at. After smoking more than 40 Lucky Strike cigarettes a day, I haven’t touched one in 3 years and 2 months. Here is an entire article I wrote 3 years ago on how to try and kick the habit.
10. Be good, be kind, be better…
    …be the best you that you can be, or be whatever the fuck vague assessment concept that you’re trying to fool yourself with. Whatever you do, try and do it without telling people that you’re doing it. This #newyearnewme kak will just set you up for failure. Do you know how you’ll know that you’re succeeding at this?
    People will say stuff like: “You know, Karen, there is something different about you. You seem like less of a poes…”

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Head over to
the Plumlist for an easier top 10 compilation. Head into the new decade a more relaxed without breaking promises to yourself just yet:

10 #Watch the trailer for brand-new SA series Black Tax Black Tax follows successful professional Thuli Dlamini (Jo-Anne Reyneke) and her family as she grapples with the unspoken “pay as you grow” rule in her community – that when you’re successful, you pay everyone back for the support they gave you while you grew up.	On Showmax (read more)
#9 Legion was made for sci-fi freaks who are up for a challenge There have been some concerns of late that the superhero movie and TV market is getting a tad saturated, as Hollywood has been seriously cashing in on this genre for at least the past decade and that a breaking point is imminent.	On Showmax (read more)
#8 Five royal series to watch post-Megxit For better or worse, unlike the reluctant royals the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, the monarchs and their families in these series are either fighting to keep their royal positions, or striving to get closer to the throne. They’re all available to stream on a screen near you.	On Netflix & Showmax (read more)
#7 South African movies to stream to kickstart 2020 Showmax is the streaming service that’s home to the latest and greatest movies out of South Africa, and here’s our pick of three very different films to get your 2020 off to the best start, no matter where you live or where you’re from in Mzansi.	On Showmax (read more)
#6 Howards End: a calm, cosy British drama built for binge-watching There’s a certain sense of predictable comfort in British period dramas. The costumes, the dialogue, even the musical score wrap the viewer in an agreeable cocoon of familiarity.	On DStv Now & Showmax (read more)
#5 Where to stream the M-Net Sunday Night Movies in January 2020 DStv Premium subscribers: did you know it’s possible to watch the M-Net Sunday Night Movie any day of the week, wherever you are, on any device, from the Monday after the first screening?	On DStv Now & Showmax (read more)
4# Stream these 2020 Golden Globe nominees and winners on internet TV Series on Showmax were the big winners in the TV category at last night’s Golden Globes, taking home five of the 11 awards given, more than any other streaming service in Africa.	On Netflix, DStv Now & Showmax (read more)
#3 Get ready to check into Hotel S4, now streaming Ferdie Kruger and the staff of Die Fransen Hotel have returned to kykNET on DStv Now and on Showmax, with new episodes of the fourth season of the mockumentary landing every Monday night from 6 January 2020 on both platforms.	On DStv Now & Showmax  (read more)
#2 Where to watch Afrikaans series online Looking for ways to watch all the most popular Afrikaans soaps, dramas and series on your smartphone, tablet or computer screen? Both Showmax and DStv Now offer the most recent episodes and most recent seasons of all of your favourites.	On DStv Now & Showmax (read more)
#1 Five unmissable South African documentaries These memorable films offer a window into some of the events, conspiracies and cultural moments that have shaped our collective psyche.	On Showmax (read more)

[feature_headline type=”left, center, right” level=”h2″ looks_like=”h3″ icon=”lightbulb-o”] Our randomized trailer pick of the week [/feature_headline]

Each week we take a number from 1 to 10 from our list of suggestions and put it through a randomizer to choose a trailer to show you. This week it landed on our number 6 spot, Howards End!

Howards End is remake of the classic movie which follows the social and class divisions in early 20th century England through the intersection of three families – the wealthy Wilcoxes, the gentle and idealistic Schlegels and the lower-middle class Basts.