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Vat vyf! Week 18 van 2017 – Zuma word ge-boo en die yoof league kak in hulle rokke

In Wat is nuus? deur PK MalherbeRek jou bek

1) Wat is die langste wat jy al op die troon gesit het? ‘n Kleinnefie van my was een keer vir twee dae verlam in sy een been na hy vergeet het hy sit op die troon terwyl hy deur die Scope geblaai het. En ek het gehoor van ‘n vet oom wat in ‘n karavaanpark in Bronkies op die troon aan die slaap geraak het vir amper 7 ure en eers die volgende oggend daarin kon slaag om homself weer los te skeur… letterlik. Maar dit kom nie naby die jare en jare wat die Hertog van Edinburgh, Prins Philip op die troon was nie. Goed, dis meer Mevrou Philip wat seker op die troon sit, maar daar is nou aangekondig dat ou Phil op 95-jarige ouderdom eers bietjie wil rus. Daarom sal hy na Augustus geen openbare optredes maak nie. Tog bly hy beskermheer en lid van meer as 780 organisasies. Dis 776 meer as jou gemiddelde beheerliggaamlid van ‘n posh hoërskool wat terseldfertyd ook lid is van die direksie van ‘n maatskappy, voorsitter is van sy pluimbalklub en die sameroeper is van hondewedrenne aan die Oos-Rand. So julle kan maar ophou om julle soos royalty te gedra. Dis net ou Elizabeth wat op 91 nog lekker sit op daai troon.

2) Glo jy in spoke? Jy weet, die tipe wat hier bietjie “Boo” en daar bietjie “Boo?” Een ding is vir seker – na hierdie week glo ons president aan spoke. Daar was spoke uit sy verre verlede en spoke van so onlangs as laasweek nog. Toe ou Zoom-zoom nog dink hy tjoon ‘n lekker what-what by Cosatu se Werkersdagvieringe in Bloemfontein, toe word daar luid ge-Boe. Spoke soos Nkandla. Spoke soos korrupsie en die Guptas. Spoke soos Die Stem. Nie daai deeltjie van ons volkslied nie (is dit nog deel?) Ek praat van die stem wat soveel ANC-ondersteuners uitgebring het vir hul party met die hoop op ‘n beter lewe. After this week, our Zoom-zoom will believe in spirits. And we don’t mean Johnnie Black.
3) Die Johannesburgse Metropolisie (of JMPD) het aangekondig hulle soek 1 500 mans en vroue om opleiding te ondergaan en indien suksesvol, as metropolisiebeamptes aangestel te word. Opleiding cover belangrike aspekte van die job in hoofstukke soos:
• Fanta Orange of Fanta Grape – hoe om te kies waarvoor jy lus is tydens ‘n bribe
• Die vet is in die vuur – hoe om jou uniform vol te staan of sit in ‘n gevaarlike situasie
• Druk die fokken knoppie – hoe om jou blou lig aan en af te skakel
• Hoe om landsburgers soos The Stig te laat voel – hoe om mense van die pad af te trek oor drie bane van die snelweg of op gevaarlike draai en blinde hoogtes
• Hoe om flikkers te gooi – hoe om die motoris alles in sy kar te laat toets en dan ‘n boete te skryf vir iets onbenulligs soos voëlstront op die bonnet.

4) Die ANC-jeugliga het die vorige Minister van Toerisme hierdie week ‘n verraaier genoem nadat hy in die openbaar gesê het hy weet nie vir wie hy in 2019 gaan stem nie. Sulke braaf. Maar die jeugliga sien dit nie so nie en het aangedring dat Derek Hanekraai… ek bedoel Hanekom, omverskoning vra. Want mos.

5) Dit het hierdie week ook aan die lig gekom dat die ANC blykbaar in die 90s ‘n verkiesingsveldtog wou finansier deur draks te verkoop. Dit vat die “party” in political party na ‘n nuwe high (so to speak.) Blykbaar was hulle finansieel so diep in die verknorsing, dat dit een van die oplossings was wat hulle oorweeg het. Smaak my die ANC-jeugliga se huidige president, Collen Maine leef dalk op van hierdie draks. Hoe anders verklaar jy sy “o-so-volwasse” tirade hierdie week na Zuma se Booskepades toe hy teatraal reken hulle gaan Ramaphosa terugboo sodra hulle kan. Arme Collen Maine. Probeer so hard sy stempel iewers afdruk. Dalk is dit maar meer ‘n geval van boo-who?

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    PK MalherbeVat vyf! Week 18 van 2017 – Zuma word ge-boo en die yoof league kak in hulle rokke
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    International prog metal band, TesseracT hit South Africa with unmatched precision

    In Kief musiek, Watkykjy Reviews deur Watkykertjie bydraeRek jou bek

    (words by Craig Borril – guitarist for local metal band, Raptorbaby)
    (images by Henry Engelbecht)

    TesseracT Live at Mercury Live, Cape Town
    With Verona Walls as Support.

    The highly anticipated event of 2017 begins on a mildly warm Friday evening at Cape Town’s Mercury Live. An impressively large crowd has come out to watch TesseracT live with support from Cape Town’s very own Verona Walls.

    Punters from far and wide gather by the bar in preparations for the party to come as Verona Walls welcomed the night in with their meticulously crafted Progressive rock sound, a welcome to the regulars of the scene as they get the crowd rowdy and moving. With the sweat thick, Verona Walls quickly reminds everyone why they are a band of formidable force in the scene catching everyone’s attention and holding it for their entire electrifying set with the ever enigmatic Marco de Sousa on vocals orchestrating the sea in front of him.

    With a massive end, Verona Walls leave the crowd in a state of excitement for they know damn well what is about to take place. Chants slowly fill up and echo off the walls in Mercury Live and TesseracT take to the stage and waste no time at all in punching through the crowds voices, exploding onto the stage with their heavy hitting “Polaris” that sends the crowd into an ebb and flow of movement. The execution of the music is unrivalled, the undertones haunting and the groove section hitting us square in the chest like a jack hammer.

    Immediately, everyone was hypnotized by the syncopated melodies that drew you like a moth to the flame only to be gripped by the warm embrace of Dan’s vocal lines. From Start to finish they ripped through songs from their entire catalogue of albums ensuring that even the older fans in the crowd where gratified beyond words. Their journey from the new to the old, with personal gems like “Perfection – Concealing Fate Part 4” being executed with precision and grace that brought a tear to my eye, to the enigmatic “Hexes” capturing the crowds voice and lending to the powerful lyrics; was truly a sensory experience like none other!

    The sound and lighting played an important part in setting the mood to capture the plethora of emotions TesseracT are known to conjure up and reaching that expectation is an understatement; a job well done by the all involved with the event. By the end of the show there where many standing trance like in wonder at what just happened. Some shed tears, many chanted for more; one thing was for sure though; we all were not expectant of the feeling this show would leave us with. It was the complete realisation that beautiful, captive, emotive and gripping music is still alive and unashamedly so in today’s world.

    TesseracT Live at Rumours Rock City, JHB
    with Support from Red Helen & Deity’s Muse.

    Rumours Rock Lounge saw the second instalment of the TesseracT Live in South Africa tour, one that had already gripped Cape Town and left it shook from utter amazement at the well-oiled machine that is TesseracT.

    The evening began with the ever captivating Only Forever, a band that is a staple favourite within the scene, with their blistering performance locked down; they captivated the ever growing crowd with their own unique brand of hard rock and definitely set the tone for the evening ahead, a truly great way to begin the night in style.

    Next up is South Africa’s metalcore giants, Red Helen taking to stage and delivering yet another solid performance. Fresh off the road from their debut album tour, the guys in Red Helen were on fire with Brandon Pratt on vocals as always, grouping and engaging the crowd to his whim to deliver their very own brand of powerful metal. The unending movement of the crowd as testament to their stronghold in the scene, blazing guitar riffs and almost machine like drum technique executing each song with a performance like none other. This set being the proving ground for the night to follow.

    After their exit from the stage the crowd took the chance to rehydrate and catch some air outside as the mighty Deity’s Muse began setting up. I see James Monteith casually standing at the back of the crowd enjoying a cold beer, taking in the atmosphere of his surroundings and grinning at the odd fan recognising him and coming over to say hi. The Turning Tricks crew hard at work at the side lines, ensuring that all is running perfectly as Deity’s Muse begin to draw the crowd right back in before their set starts. These guys are no stranger to the stage and leave the listener with a deep respect for their hard work and dedication to their meticulously thought out brand of Progressive rock, a sound that has seen them perform with many international bands and for good reason, they deliver a set worthy of everyone’s attention, precise and professionally thought out production playing a huge part in their stage performance.

    I usher forward within the crowd as I’m drawn to Wayne’s infectious voice and melody atop the backdrop of Deity’s Muse’s eloquently written music. The excitement on the bands faces are projected right back at them from the crowd as they send us down the rabbit hole with them to a fitting close for a night far from finished.

    With the front of the crowd already pressed up against the barrier, TesseracT stand behind the scenes preparing themselves for the final show, the piece of history that they unknowingly where about to write. Finding myself 3 rows from the front I enter the chanting of the band to come on stage, eagerly taking my place in the crowd to not miss a single instant of the show, TesseracT walk on to a dimly lit stage and tease us with their almost hypnotising presence when out of nowhere, perfectly timed and executed, they erupt once again, just like they did in Cape Town, delivering a sonic onslaught that pushes the entire crowd back and forces them right back up against the barrier.

    Song after song, I find myself squeezed against more and more people that have pushed and fought their way to the front to witness what their ears are hearing, the perfectly crafted sound of TesseracT’s flawless set, one that takes the listener on a journey through their stories of the past to right in the now, hit songs from their highly accredited second album “Altered State” sung to the perfection I can come to respect from Daniel Tompkins, making his own mark on them and sending chills down my skin.

    The appreciation and respect offered to us from the band the entire night made for an unforgettable experience for every single person in the venue, Dan being the soft spoken and gentlemanly person that he is, sending his praises to the crowd for the unsuspected amount of support and love really made us all feel that this night would live with both TesseracT and South African fans for a very long time to come. Turning Tricks Entertainment really did pull out all the stops and gave us a night that will live in infamy as the night TesseracT took our breaths away!

    Deel met jou tjommies!

      Watkykertjie bydraeInternational prog metal band, TesseracT hit South Africa with unmatched precision
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      Rachel Bilson – Woensdag se warm bokkie

      In Warm Bokkies deur griffinRek jou bek

      Hierdie oulike goose in te siene in Nasville en so paar episodes van How I Met Your Mother. Ons het nie regtig baie tyd om julle meer van hierdie mooi meisie te vertel nie, want die Wimpy Double Up brekkies het sopas voor ons neuse geland hierso in Harrismith. Ons is op pad terug Snordorp toe.

      Geniet vir Rachel terwyl ons vreet, poef en pad vat.

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        griffinRachel Bilson – Woensdag se warm bokkie
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        KZN se befokte Suidkus vibes

        In Travel deur griffinRek jou bek

        Ons is tans (daar bestaan nie so woord soos huidiglik nie, jou fokken pielneus) op slow-go langs Natal se Suidkus vir ‘n bietjie van ‘n break, want ons het ons eie raad gevolg met die Watkykjy public holiday calendar en die Workers Day langnaweek aan sy piel gegryp. Die laaste keer wat ek in hierdie geweste was, was ongeveer 10 jaar gelede en dinge het nie regtig  veel verander nie, which I guess is a good thing. Met dinge wat “nie verander het nie” praat ons van die actual landska, nie die die fokken politieke ene nie, so kalmeer jou alt-leftwing nipples.

        KZN se coast is een van die befokste plekke om vakansie te hou in Suid-Afrika en ons sal teen volgende week moontlik ‘n tipe van ‘n travel guide vir die plekkie met snot en seaweed aanmekaarlas, maar kom ons hoor sommer ook van julle Watkykertjies oor plekke en tips in KZN – waar om draai te skiet en watter plekke die mense liefs soos ‘n Staatsdorphoer moet vermy. Julle KZN locals is ook welkom om idees tegooi – ons Gautengers sit after all die kos op jou bord.

        Sweef jou voorstelle (en foto’s, as jy wil) oor na griffin@watkykjy.co.za en dan kyk ons wie se quotes, voorstelle en kiekies ons in die Watkykjy KZN Suidkusgids kan stop. Ons sal dit probably ‘n ander naam ook gee, so voorstelle vir ons guide se naam is ook moerse welkom.

        Raait, ons gaan nou eers geld in die Wild Coast Sun se dobbelmasjiene wegfok en ‘n bier of twee in die keel afjaag. Hier is solank ‘n aerial fototjie van Ramsgate wat ons gister geneem het en vanoggend se sonsopkoms. Geniet jou Dinsdag. Hoop nie jy sit soos ‘n dos by die werk nie…


        Deel met jou tjommies!

          griffinKZN se befokte Suidkus vibes