Our top 10 weekly selection of DSTV Now | Showmax | YouTube | Netflix | Amazon Prime
Can we please get up from our chairs and give Britain a slow clap for electing (by a staggering 0.2% of the nation’s will), the bumbling buffoon, Boris Johnson, as their new prime minister. This ass-hat was one of the most prominent pro-Brexit campaigners in 2016, and now he has inherited a political fuckup that, when you break it down, still looks a long way from being resolved. But it is a fuckup that he feeds and pets every day. Just by reading his name, I bet you 100 quid that by thinking of Boris’ stupid face and his stupid hairstyle, it made you think of stupid Donald Trump and his own stupid hairstyle.
They are like… toupees in a pod…
*puts on sunglasses*
This past Tuesday evening, Trump said of the “victory”:
“We have a really good man who is going to be the Prime Minister of the UK now. Boris Johnson. Good man. He’s tough and he’s smart. They’re saying, ‘Britain Trump.’ They call him Britain Trump and people are saying that’s a good thing,” They like me over there. That’s what they wanted. That’s what they need.”
Right. On. Queue.
This is the closest that Trump will ever get to sucking his own cock – by closing his eyes and pretending that another ‘tremendous and very clever’ man with a similar hairstyle is doing it. But he is 20 years younger and has a British accent.
Both these guys are horrible people, although you don’t have to go look far and wide for Trump’s racist and shitty-as-a-person remarks. You just need to open his Twitter feed at any time of the day and look at the latest tweet. With Johnson you need to dig a little deeper. Literally just a little bit. These two guys are very similar. Of course there are already news articles and columns out telling us that they are totally not the same. Fine, please compare some their good qualities to Nelson Mandela then.
Johnson has said incredibly controversial things in newspaper columns and on public platforms over the years, for instance saying that women who wear Islamic face veils look “like letterboxes”. He also used racist terms to describe people from the British Commonwealth. Back In 2007, Johnson ridiculed Clinton’s physical appearance in his Telegraph column, writing: “She’s got dyed blonde hair and pouty lips, and a steely blue stare, like a sadistic nurse in a mental hospital.”
Here are a few more:
On Papua New Guinea:
“For 10 years we in the Tory party have become used to Papua New Guinea-style orgies of cannibalism and chief-killing.”
On the DRC:
“No doubt the AK47s will fall silent and the pangas will stop their hacking of human flesh and the tribal warriors will all break out in watermelon smiles to see the big white chief touch down in his big white British taxpayer-funded bird.”
and on the entire African continent:
“The continent may be a blot, but it is not a blot upon our conscience. The problem is not that we were once in charge, but that we are not in charge any more.”
Boris refused to say whether he thought Trump’s tweets were racist, but both these turds seem to suffer from amnesia, because of his new best bud, Trump, he once said: “The only reason I wouldn’t visit some parts of New York is the real risk of meeting Donald Trump. I am genuinely worried that he could become president. I was in New York and some photographers were trying to take a picture of me and a girl walked down the pavement towards me and she stopped and she said, ‘Gee is that Trump?’ It was one of the worst moments.”
You’re going to have to stew in your own shit, dear UK. You had your chance with Brexit and treated it like a massive joke. Similarly, America thought the Trump election was massive joke. You don’t get the prime minister you wanted. You got the one you deserved.
Boris Johnson’s own father sums it up very nicely:
“They have the same hairstyle. I think they will get on.”
And that in a nutshell, is why you cant’t have nice things…