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Wat het jy hierdie vakansie gekyk? Check hierdie stats vir Suid-Afrika!

In Movies en TV deur griffinRek jou bek

Vir sommige van ons maak die Desembervakansie eers komende Dinsdag klaar. Die meerderheid van julle unlucky bliksems sit reeds vir ‘n week lank by die graft en huil in julle cereal en oor julle tuna mayo toebas. Sorry man, dis super tos maar iemand moet werk om SA se water en ligte te betaal. Ek hoop jou vakansie was piele en dat jy gedoen het wat jy beplan het om te doen en lekker uitgerus het. Of dit nou by die see, die bosveld of die in-laws was. Of sommer net fokken lui voor die TV in jou onna of panty met biltong, bier en popcorn.

Om die waarheid te sê het ek die meeste oor die laasgenoemde demographic gewonder omdat ekself deel daarvan uitgemaak het: Jan Tuisbly se trapfiets. Ek was so fokken lui, ek was slegs een keer gym toe die hele fokken maand, en my goose moes my dreig en teen my wil saamsleep! Die res van die tyd was ek in die swembad of agter die braai maar ek het veral my tyd op die couch voor die TV spandeer. Lazy as fuck, slegmoer kwadraat. Die duiwel se oorkussing. Movies wat ek op DStv Now en Showmax gekyk het, was in Home Alone en Home Alone 2 (ek doen dit elke jaar), Dumbo en Peppermint. Reekse wat ek oor die feesgety gebinge het op Showmax sluit in: Ramy, Mr Pickles, Family Guy, Succession, Silicon Valley, Legion en local series, Hotel.

Ek het gewonder wat die res van julle gekyk het, so ek het die IT laities agter die skerms by Showmax gevra om bietjie hulle data met my te deel en daar het nogal interessante en onverwagste stats hulle koppe uitgesteek. Mzanzi het byvoorbeeld meer as 100 jaar se tyd in videos gekyk tussen Krismis en die nuwe jaar. Jy sou, soos ek, dalk geraai het dat Boxing Day die meeste boude op die couches sou kry, maar Suid-Afrikaners het actually hulle peak geslaan op Sondag, 29 Desember. Dit maak nogal sin – dis die laaste groot Sondag chill voor almal hulle kollektiewe kak verloor met ‘n nuwejaarsparty.

Oor die algemeen het ons almal meer gebinge oor KeDezemba  volgens Showmax se number crunchers – mense het op average meer as 30 episode van dieselfde show gekyk. Daar was egter een Showmax account wat meer as 200 episodes van dieselfde show gekyk het! Ek fokken sweer dit was een van julle Watkykertjie blimsempies gewees! Volgens Showmax was die shows wat die meeste gekyk was The River, Binnelanders en Getroud Met Rugby. Komaan, wie het 200 espisodes van  Getroud met Rugby faktap gekyk, huh? Uit daarmee! Jirre, wat was jou snack bill, bul?

Ek het ook geskiem dat die peak kyktyd hier rondom 7pm sou wees wanneer mense saans begin settle met hulle TV dinners. Of dalk selfs 8pm nadat die eerste vleispoep onder die duvet uitge-fan word. Nope, die peak was reeds 6pm geslaan, wat beteken mense het vroeër voor hulle TVs begin inskuif. Julle het ook meer movies gekyk as gewoonlik, wat ook sin maak – jy kon vir langer tydperke op jou sewende nekwerwel lê soos ‘n sleg kak. Die genre wat die meeste aandag gekry het? Reality shows. Ons kom later by die lysie. Sport? Die game wat die meeste oogballe gekry het was die match tussen Wolves en Machester City (Wolves het hulle 3-2 opgefok).

Die finale syfers dui daarop dat Suid-Afrika eerste plek gevat het oor die holidays met hulle streaming – ons average ure per kyker was op met 21% terwyl Nigeria se increase 10% was en Kenya s’n 7% was.

Die top tien mees gekykte shows op Showmax vir die hele jaar van 2019 sien so daarna uit:

Internasionale reekse:

HBO se Euphoria *
HBO se Game of Thrones *
HBO se Chernobyl *
Younger **
HBO se Big Little Lies *
Vikings ***
Billions *
The Girlfriend Experience **
Siren *
The Handmaid’s Tale ***

*  Ek het al hierdie reekse klaargekyk en kan dit ten sterkste aanbeveel. Enige iets deur HBO kry gewoonlik dubbel punte in my boek.
**  Ek het nog glad nie aandag aan hierdie reekse gegee nie, maar dis op my lysie.
*** Ek is besig om deur hierdei outjies te werk en dis kaklekker.

Ek wil ook net graag my eie nommer 4 in die top tien in squeeze. Legion is foooookken goed! Gaan lees gerus my review vir die show hierso.
Die Suid-Afrikaanse reekse:

Trackers
The Real Housewives of Johannesburg
Being Bonang
The River
The Queen
Die Spreeus
Die Byl
The Girl From St Agnes
The Bachelor SA
Boer Soek ‘n Vrou

Ek het Trackers fokken erg geniet en so ook Die Byl en The Girl from St Agnes. Ek het Die Spreeus een aand begin kyk maar vinnig afgesit, want ek is een van daai pisserige mense wat nie bangmaak-stuff in die donker kan kyk nie, so ek sal dit in daglig met die gordyne oop moet kyk terwyl die ligte ook aan is. En iemand moet my vashou en in my oor fluister dat alles orraait sal wees.

Ek weet nie regtig of ek Being Bonang en The Queen sal kyk nie (ek is nie ‘n soapie-mens nie) en dieselfde geld vir Boer Soek ‘n Vrou en The Bachelor SA – ek kyk nie eers die US version van The Bachelor nie. Chopper Charlie aan die ander kant, kyk Boer Soek ‘n Vrou skaamteloos, sommer so in die ope. Ek kan nie meer met hom nie…

Wat ek wel baie oor skaam is om self te erken, is dat ek ‘n stukkie The Real Housewives of Johannesburg begin gekyk het en toe trek die fokken show my heeltemal in. Ek het die fokken ALLES gekyk. Dis een van daai car crash TV vibes. Dis so ‘n fokken gemors en die mense is so self-absorbed en fokken dom, maar jy kan nie wegkyk nie, ek sweer. Ek is bang dat Being Bonang dalk dieselfde effek op my gaan hê. Ek sal maybe net die punt insit en kyk wat gebeur…

Daar is fokken baaaaaaie stuff om op Showmax om 2020 mee af te skop. Ingeval jy nog nie vir jou 14-dae free trial by Showmax opgesign het nie, is dit dalk nou die ideale tyd. Daar onder andere ook ‘n kakhuis vol cartoons vir die kids asook vir die grootmense – en dis proper stuff.

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griffinWat het jy hierdie vakansie gekyk? Check hierdie stats vir Suid-Afrika!
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The best and the worst of this past decade (2010 – 2019)

In Movies en TV deur griffinRek jou bek

Our top 10 weekly selection of DSTV Now | Showmax | YouTube | Netflix | Amazon Prime

Let’s try and forget about how Jacob Zuma and the Guptas dry-fucked us over the last decade. A lot of other terrible (and good) things also happened over the last ten years all over the globe (yes, globe, flat-earthers). We had duck-faced millennials with their endless selfies and terrible dance moves such as dabbing, flossing, and twerking invaded our smart devices’ screens. Hey, we got smart devices as well! Whoop!

There was also a sharp increase of doctors, lawyers and other specialists in just about every field of expertise who obtained  their Honors and doctorate degrees from the Universities of Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and Instagram. Tech especially drove us (literally) over the last ten years but it also drove us mad. We literally couldn’t even!
But what else happened? Let’s have a look at a very brief recap of the best and the worst of this past decade:

2010
At the very beginning of the decade, Angry Birds was unleashed upon us. A few months later in April we could enjoy it on the very first iPad which was released by Apple. Everybody went apeshit over this piece of tech. Some respectable and reputable tech reviewers even called it the “laptop killer”. Ten years later I am typing this article on a laptop.
Me: “Siri, please look up the definition of irony, please”
Siri: “Hi, I could not find evolution of iron bees. Here is what I found…”
Go figure.

More or less around the same time, Netflix expanded its business with the introduction of streaming media. It changed television programming as we know it, for ever.

By mid-2010 South Africa had successfully hosted its first FIFA World Cup Soccer tournament. A lot of people made a lot of money. I am not a lot of people. Shakira unfortunately also released one of the most annoying songs in modern history:

2011
March 14, 2011 was one of the the blackest Monday’s ever. Rebecca Black released the song Friday. The song has received the most universally negative reviews from people with ears, for its songwriting, instrumentation, Black’s vocals, and the shitty video choreography and the name. On March 29, 2011, it surpassed Justin Bieber’s Baby as the most disliked YouTube video ever on earth. It now has more than 3 million dislikes.

On April 30, 2011, 24 million people tuned in to watch the the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. That’s a shitload of people tuning in for a historic event, but a month later, millions of people all over the world were doing one of the stupidest things, way too early into the new decade: fokken planking.
Jissis.
#facepalm

2012
In April 2012, in Chicago, Uber launched a service where users were able to request a regular taxi or an Uber driver via its mobile app. At the same time, I would imagine that booze sales in South Africa started sky-rocketing, because now we mos have a fokken reason to get gesuip and not worry about road blocks.
#theresanappforthat.

July 2012: Completely unknown South Korean singer, rapper and songwriter, Park Jae-sang, made a stupid little song and dance video which ended up being the most ever watched video on YouTube in the galaxy. You definitely better know this little man as Psy and you have 100% tried the little horse-dance  routine from Gangnam Style. In fact, you’re going to do it again right now.
#OppaGangnamStyle
#오빤 강남스타일

Looking for proper marriage material? Well, there’s an app for that. Just kidding, Tinder is not for dating, fool! Tinder have been introducing fuck buddies to each other since the 12th of September, 2012. Okay, fair enough – some of those “fuck on first dates” encounters somehow did turn into marriages. Just wondering how many of them has lasted over the last 8 years?

We also had our fair share of doomsayers back in 2012. An alarming amount of delusional Christians and hippies seriously thought that the world was going to end in 21 December, 2012. There will be more of those in the future. Idiots tend to breed idiots. And Makro will make tons of money selling bully beef again.

2013
This is the year in which the world lost Nelson Mandela (5 December) at the age of 95. One would reckon that 95 is a lekker innings, but you need to remember that he spent half of his adult life in jail.

Earlier in 2013 we also witnessed the Boston Marathon bombing, killing three people. Hundreds of others were injured and 16 people lost limbs.

In February 2013, The Harlem Shake went viral globally and every second doos made a video. Even me. It was fokken lame but it was the most fun ever at the Oppikoppi office:

2014
February 13 – Belgium becomes the first country in the world to legalise euthanasia for terminally ill patients of any age. It is rather strange that Schabir Shaik, who was released almost exactly a year before this, hasn’t checked into Belgium yet. To this day, 11 years later, he is still the most healthy terminally ill person on earth. Playing golf seems to do wonders!
#whaddapoes

March 8 – Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370, a Boeing 777 airliner en route to Beijing from Kuala Lumpur, disappears over the Gulf of Thailand with 239 people on board.

Between July and August 2014, every second person was doing the Ice Bucket Challenge, an activity involving the dumping of a bucket of ice water over a person’s head, either self-administered or by another person, usually a family member or friend who fucks it up and foks the water out over their own heads while filming it for YouTube or Facebook. It raised over $220m for ALS worldwide of which probably R10 of that total came from South Africa, because who in Fourways can tell me what the fuck ALS is? Jy sien? You just like to make stupid videos, boet.

October 24 – Alan Eustace, an American computer scientist, set the current world record highest and longest free fall jump from 41.425 km over Roswell, New Mexico, United States, breaking the sound barrier without any machine assistance during a record space dive out of a massive helium-filled balloon, proving that you don’t need Red Bull for that type of kak.

2015
February 2015: The entire social interweb had a massive spuitkak in their panties over – wait for it – a fokken dress. Or rather a photograph of a dress that became viral as fuck. Viewers disagreed over whether the dress in the photo was  black and royal blue, or white and gold. Who the fuck wears white and gold striped dresses anyway? Serial killers, perhaps?

On June 26, 2015 Same-sex marriage became a right in the U.S. It is only a matter of time before Donald Trump reverses it.

On 7 January 2015 Charlie Hebdo Attack in Paris. Over a fokken cartoon.

During 2015, the entire Africa went an entire year without naturally occurring polio. Let’s give ourselves a hand! And remember to vaccinate!

On 19 August, 2015 Showmax launches as an answer to Netflix. In December 2015, Showmax expanded its reach to audiences in Europe, Australia, New Zealand, North America and Canada. South Africa is up there with the best!

2016
In 2016, America’s future is forever changed (for the worst) with orange idiot, Donald Trump becoming the most powerful talking pumpkin on the planet.

February 2016 – After missing out on an Oscar for his brilliant performance in The Aviator, Leonardo DiCaprio finally won an Oscar for his role in The Revenant, ironically a film with very little dialogue.

July 2016: The world went bat shit crazy over Pokémon Go, an augmented reality mobile game which allegedly may have contributed to nearly 150,000 traffic accidents, 256 deaths and economic costs of between $2 billion and $7.3 billion in the first 148 days after its introduction to the US. Goeie fok! That are a lot of prangs!

2017
May – June 2017: Fokken fidget spinners. Need I say more? Irritation levels through the roof.

November 21 – Robert Mugabe unwillingly resigns after 37 years of rule over Zimbabwe. Thankfully the piece of shit would die two years later.

December 14 – The Walt Disney Company announces that it will acquire most of 21st Century Fox, including the 20th Century Fox film studio, for $66 billion. They will probably own your house by the turn of this decade.

Imagine Dragons releases Thunder, the Proteas use it as a sort of theme song during the 2017 World Cup Cricket Tournament and I can honestly not remember how far they made it. England won the trophy:

2018
February 6 – SpaceX successfully conducts its maiden flight of its most powerful rocket to date, the Falcon Heavy. More impressively it lands again in the exact spot where it kakked. Like a trained Rottweiler.

March 19 –  Humans prove once again that they’re a shit species as the world’s last male northern white rhinoceros dies in Kenya, making the subspecies functionally extinct.

18 April – Cinemas open in Saudi Arabia for the first time since 1983 with the American film Black Panther chosen as the first to be screened

May 2018: There was another royal wedding as Prince Harry and Meghan Markle tied the knot St George’s Chapel at Windsor Castle. Harry wore a kief Suit.

October 2018: A Banksy painting self-destructed.

2018 is also the year in which South Africa’s biggest festival, Oppikoppi self-destructed due to bad choices and mismanagement from the organisers. They put the blame on crime, but the crime was a direct result of their bad choices, mismanagement and banning experienced security management from the festival.

2019
This is still too fresh but it was the year in which tackling the climate emergency finally took overdue center stage – at least for the public, if not for politicians. Grown ass men felt immensely intimidated and their egos overshadowed by sixteen year old Greta Thunberg – a teenage girl who lead a grassroots global rebellion that saw millions of people take to the streets. She turned 17 today. Happy birthday, Greta!

There were also a fuck load of fires. In April, a major fire engulfed Notre-Dame Cathedral in Paris, resulting in the roof and main spire collapsing. The Amazon took a massive beating. Then poor people kakked on rich people for not saving the Amazon forrest but rather culture. California is still counting their losses after Trumped suggest they “rake” the forests and Australia is as of today still burning since last year. It is so bad that it forms new weather patterns!

July 2019 was the hottest month on record globally at 0.95 °C above the 20th-century average. Yay us!

On the plus side  – Avengers: Endgame was released in theaters, breaking many box-office records, including becoming the highest grossing movie of all time.

Oh ja, and this website, watkykjy.co.za, one of South Africa’s longest running blogs, turned 20 years old as well.
Let’s see if we’re up for another ten years of talking shit! Here is to another decade.

Let’s be less dumb?

Head over to
the Plumlist for our weekly top 10. Head into the new decade a more relaxed:
#10 The victim becomes the villain in Season 2 of You
Joe Goldberg is not someone who can fit neatly into a psychiatric diagnosis. While he displays many traits of a sociopath or psychopath – manipulative, grandiose sense of self, pathological lying – his emotions are not shallow, he is indeed very capable of love in his own twisted way, and he most certainly feels some remorse.
On Netflix
(read more)
 #9 Binge-watch every gorgeous episode of His Dark Materials
The entire series of HBO’s His Dark Materials is now on Showmax. Here’s a sneak peek of the immersive visuals and the detailed beauty of Philip Pullman’s characters, both human and daemon, brought to life.
On Showmax
(read more)
#8 The Witcher: when brutal is beautiful
This show promised much in the way of intrigue, drama, magic, and monsters, and boy, oh boy, does it deliver. Visually, it’s spectacular. The costumes, sets, and landscapes are all breathtaking.
 On Netflix
(read more)
 #7 The best comedies to stream on Showmax
Get ready for a binge-watch session of hilarious and epic proportions. These are the top-rated, most acclaimed and most popular Plum Picks in the comedy genre on Showmax. Click on the titles to start watching immediately. And… go!
On Showmax
(read more)
 #6 The Orville: Brooklyn Nine-Nine. But in space.
Who’d have thought that a sci-fi series by Seth MacFarlane would be this good? Yes, the very same Seth MacFarlane who’s responsible for American Dad, Family Guy, and a farting not-child-friendly teddy bear.
On DStv Now
(read more)
 #5 Five things to know before you check into Room 104
Room 104 is one of those shows that you really shouldn’t binge. Set in a single room of a typical American chain motel, it’s designed to be nibbled on rather than devoured.
On Showmax
(read more)
 4# Where to find Helena Bonham Carter on internet TV
She’s played the Queen Mother and the Queen Mother’s youngest daughter; she’s narrated the children’s classic The Gruffalo and starred as one of JK Rowling’s most evil villains; she’s done the low-budget indie thing and also starred in some of the biggest films of the past three decades.
 On Amazon Prime, Netflix & Showmax
(read more)
 #3 The best of the decade in South African film and TV
The 2010s saw African films make even more headlines at the world’s biggest festivals, from AFI to Berlin, Sundance to Toronto, earning Oscar and Golden Globe nominations along the way.
On Showmax 
(read more)
 #2 Nine reality love shows to stream in wedding season
Does it feel like everyone you know is getting married at the moment? These shows will keep any singleton company all through the summer wedding season in South Africa, and serve as very entertaining reminders that most dates are, let’s face it, completely awful.
 On DStv Now & Showmax
(read more)
 #1 Legion was made for sci-fi freaks who are up for a challenge
There have been some concerns of late that the superhero movie and TV market is getting a tad saturated, as Hollywood has been seriously cashing in on this genre for at least the past decade and that a breaking point is imminent.
On Showmax
(read more)

Our randomized trailer pick of the week

Each week we take a number from 1 to 10 from our list of suggestions and put it through a randomizer to choose a trailer to show you. This week it landed on our number 1 spot, Legion!

Legion follows David Haller, a troubled young man who may be more than human. Diagnosed as schizophrenic, David has been in and out of psychiatric hospitals for years. But after a strange encounter with a fellow patient, he’s confronted with the possibility that the voices he hears and visions might be real:

Hierdie post is 201 keer in totaal gelees en 1 keer vandag gelees.

Watkykjy staan op 159,196 post views in totaal sedert 1 November, 2019.

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griffinThe best and the worst of this past decade (2010 – 2019)
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Joost Van der Westhuizen– Is Dit Net Ek Of Is Als Tos?

In Is Dit Net Ek Of Is Alles Tos? deur griffin en Chopper Charlie2 Eiertjies

Ons (griffin & chopper) se boek, Is Dit Net Ek Of Is Als Tos? word hierdie jaar (2019) teen Augustus se kant 11 jaar oud. Om dit te celebrate het ons besluit om alfabeties met die lys af te gaan en ‘n paar topics uit die boek te kies om weekliks hier op Watkykjy te publish, seinde dat ons die regte besit. Dis lekker kort stukkies wat jy op die kakhuis kan lees. Dink daaraan as jou klein zef kakhuisbybeltjie met pitkos vir elke dag… Wel, elke dag tot ons die boek se einde bereik.

Joost Van der Westhuizen
‘n Hele paar van die rugbyhelde wat in 1995 gehelp het dat Suid-Afrika die Wêreldbeker wen het op televisie geindig as rygby-aanbieders. Dis danksy daai einste oorwinning dat ons gereeld in Kobus Wiese se crew cut vaskyk, moet luister na Joel Stransky se nasale gekef, en natuurlik Joost se “presentering” moet verduur.
Ou Joost was ‘n great scrummie. Hy was ‘n yster op die veld en ‘n aanwins vir rugby. Maar – en moet geen fout maak nie – die man is nie ‘n aanbieder se gat werd nie. Saam met Errol Tobias probeer hulle so hard om hul Afrikaans suiwer te hou dat betekenis en styl dikwels moer ver oor die doellyn geskop word.
Een woord waarsonder Joost natuurlik nie kan klaarkom nie is presies dit. Natuurlik. “Hulle het natuurlik om die skrum gebreek om Adi Jacobs weg te stuur.” Issit Joost? Was dit ‘n natruurlike proses? Of het ons lankal reeds geweet dit gaan gebeur?
“Hy’s natuurlik die skeidsregter van Wallis.”Bedoel jy nou as natuurlike persoon uit Wallis of sommer net dat dit natuurlik die skeidsregter is omday hy ander klere as die twee spanne aanhet?
Verder is daar die alewige anglisismes. Kyk, ek kan nie vinger wys met taalmeng nie. Maar met die “kasueel”, “presenteer” en “inisieel” wou ek al die man vra om asseblief ‘n Engelse woord of twee tussenin te gooi. Doen dit vir die span, Joost.
“Natuurlik” kan Joost dan met plesier sê.

Is Dit Net Ek Of Is Al Tos is in 2008 geskryf en uitgegee en daar was so baie copies verkoop dat ons dit in 2009 laat herdruk het. All-in-all is daar nog net so 10 onverkoopte copies oor op aarde en ons sal teen Augustus se kant besluit wat om met hulle te maak. Kort antwoord – dis nie tans te koop nie.

Hierdie post is 62 keer in totaal gelees en 1 keer vandag gelees.

Watkykjy staan op 159,196 post views in totaal sedert 1 November, 2019.

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griffin en Chopper CharlieJoost Van der Westhuizen– Is Dit Net Ek Of Is Als Tos?