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Vat Vyf! Week 44 van 2016 – State capture, state capture, state capture en fokken Karlien Van Jaarsveld

In Wat is nuus? deur PK Malherbe2 Eiertjies

Van ‘n shebeen in Saxonwold tot ‘n has-been president en sy makkers…

1) Suid-Afrika se nuutste misdaadsyfers toon dat kapings aan die toeneem is. Veral staatskapings. Die fok weet. Thuli Madonsela se Staatskapingverslag is uiteindelik bekend gemaak nadat die hooggeregshof Woensdag gelas het dit moet voor 5-uur daai selfde dag nog gebeur. En dit lees soos ‘n Noot-vir-Noot besigheidsplan. “Vyftig randjies vir jou en honderd randjies vir jou as jy vir my daai belangrike staatskontrak toeken. En jy daar, hier is vir jou dertig duisend gefuif-in-die-ry.”
thulie-bye-bye2) Een van die skobbejakke wat in die verslag gevinger word (figuurlik gesproke natuurlik) is Eskom se Brian Molefe wat al sy krag en heelwat van die land s’n gebruik het om seker te maak ‘n kontrak vir steenkoolverskaffing swaai in die guns van ‘n groepie myn manne, kom ons noem hulle sommer die Guptas, asook die seun van ons Nommer1, Duduzane Zuma. En aangesien haar naam Thuli en nie Thula is nie, bly sy nie stil oor die feit dat Molefe heelwat in Saxonwold geboer het nie, daar waar die Gupta-pondok staan. Volgens hom though was dit omdat hy gereeld ‘n shebeen daar besoek het. Uhuh. ‘n Man met ‘n R800 000 maandelikse salaris wat sy sente omdraai en ‘n shebeen besoek. Bewyse dat Eskom se bydrae tot ons eknomie in een woord opgesom kan word: Verkrag. En dat daar skynbaar geen einde is aan die rykdom van ons myne nie. Dis als net Myne! Myne! Myne!
bribeman3) Gerugte dat ANN7, die TV-skandaal, ekskuus, ek bedoel TV-kanaal wat in Gupta-besit is, hul inkomste gaan aanvul deur ‘n aantal karavane aan te skaf en as fortuinvertellers op te tree, doen die rondte. Dit kom nadat hulle amper ‘n volle dag voordat dit gebeur het, berig het oor die feit dat ou Zoom-zoom sy poging om die bekendmaking van die staatskapingverslag te probeer verhinder teruggetrek het. Sulke met-die-helmet-gebore.
ann7-predicts4) Des “2 Minute Noodles” van Ruin, die asembenewende poephol wat vir 4 dae lank Minister van Finansies was, se poging om die bekendmaking van die einste staatskapingverslag te probeer stop, het natuurlik ook misluk. Raai net bietjie wie word in die verslag gevinger (fokus, fok), as die minister wat sewe keer in Desember 2015 naby die paleis van die Guptas in Saxonwold geplaas kan word! Insluitende die dag voordat hy deur Zoom-zoom aangewys is as die nuwe Minister van Finansies. Wys jou… Where Des Fire, Des Smoke.

5) Hulle se Practise What You Bitch. Vra maar die Suid-Afrikaanse glanswêreld royalty, die Van Jaarsvelds. Loftus se Liefling en Karlien se eks-liefling, Derick Hougaard verskyn toe mos op die voorblad van die Christelike tydskrif, Finesse, saam met die eks-paar se tweelingseuns. En Karlien is woedend. Niemand het haar toestemming gevra nie. Maar in plaas daarvan dat sy dit soos ‘n volwassene uitsorteer, wend sy haar tot Twitter, daardie oplosser van twis. En soos dit ‘n goeie Christen betaam, dreig sy die Christen-tydskrif toe ook sommer met Christen-regsaksie. Maar wag, daar’s meer. Mamma raak toe ook by die bekgeveg betrokke nadat sy Karlien se skoenveters help vasmaak het en haar hare vir haar uitgekam het. Sulke Dallas. Jimmel mense, baklei binne die slaapkamer assamblief en moenie kwaad gaan slaap nie. Kug.
karilen

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    PK MalherbeVat Vyf! Week 44 van 2016 – State capture, state capture, state capture en fokken Karlien Van Jaarsveld
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    Halloween – Pretoria het al lankal die geesbeker by Kaapstad gevat.

    In Watkykjy Reviews deur griffinRek jou bek

    Halloween by Arcade Empire hierso in Snor Central was nog altyd een van die hoogtepunte van die jaar. Dit het egter te groot en te vol begin raak, en hierdie jaar het Arcade saam met Griet gewerk om die beste en grootste Halloween nóg by die Voortrekker Monument aan te bied. Like super fokken groot. Die nuwe venue is befok en hulle moet dit nou maar net  elke jaar daar hou en klaarky. Daar was about 6500 mense en dit het gelyk of almal die kak uit hulleself geniet het.

    Dit was ook evident die volgende oggend by Park Acoustics. Dit was asof Pretoria ‘n kollektiewe hangover gehad het, want daar was so 15% minder mense by daai vibe. Saterdag katjie van die baan, Sondag Jan-Hendrik van 7de Laan. So paar brawe bloedjies het dit wel tot by Park Acoustics gemaak en ons sê “bloedjies” want van hulle het nog bloedjies op hulle gatsiggies gehad van die vorige aand se holskud en kopswaai. Meeste ounters het fokken baie moeite met hulle outfits gedoen. Julle outjies se kreatiwiteit was verstommend, to say the least. Kaapstad, julle kan gerus iets leer van hoe Pretoria party. Ons het al lankal die geesbeker gewen, maar geniet die see, hoor. En die berg.

    Die musiek was next level. 25 acts het op 3 stages perform. Hellcats, Art Snakes, Grassy Spark en Fuzigish was befok. Hoogtepunte was Bittereinder op die Blood Club Stage (die mense het gefokken bons laat die kak wit sit) en die Jagermeister Brass Cartel op die Evil Empire Stage (beste party musiek, like ever, girlfriend).

    Om op te som, dit was loshande en sonder twyfel die beste partytyjie van die jaar. (Ek is ernstig, no kidding.) Daar was egter ‘n paar goed wat beter gedoen kan word: Hulle moet net die bars uitsort want later in die aand moes mense in baie lang rye staan vir drank en sommige goed het opgeraak. Mens moet nooit fokops hê met bars nie, oues – dis waar julle geld print en vir Pravin Gordhan wegsteek. Onthou, die oom is nou weer paraat en op sy pos, wêna! Hier is so paar kiekies, maar mision ook sommer oor na die Watkykjy Facebook page oor so uur en loop tag jou Halloween gesiggie as jy daar was. Gee ons sommer ‘n like ook. Moenie ‘n doos wees nie…
    000_people_dsca9245_77 00_people_dsca9237_74 00_people_dscb3162_93 01_chambers_dsca8951_1 02_sol-gems_dscb1462_6 02a_dj_dscb1483_7 03_december-streets_dscb1637_22 04_hellcats_dscb2165_145 05_art-snakes_dscb2548_27 06_grassy-spark_dscb2727_37 07_bittereinder_dsca9622_120 08_matthew-mole_dsca9993_53 09_jagermeister-brass-cartel_dsca0070_62 09_jagermeister-brass-cartel_dsca0520_78 10_fuzigish_dscb3583_96

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      griffinHalloween – Pretoria het al lankal die geesbeker by Kaapstad gevat.
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      Raptorbaby se Citadel is dalk net die regte local metal wat jy makeer

      In Rolbees Reviews deur RolbeesRek jou bek

      Ek het hierdie album vandag op pad Tweefontein Melkery toe geluister. Ek moes bietjie in die daglig kaan kyk wat daar aangaan. Gaan julle almal na die 26ste se Camp Rock party toe kom? Julle fokken beter. Anyways, dis altyd befok om musiek vir die eerste keer te hoor as jy op die oop pad bestuur. Of op die grondpad. Ek het nie dadelik gedink Citadel is ‘n konsepalbum nie. Maar ek moes geweet het. Toe ek daai CD booklet so bekyk. Hey! Befokte artwork, Raptors! Dis nie dat ek konsepalbums nie kan verdra nie. Van my favourite albums van alle tye is konsepalbums. Dis net, konsepalbums is deesdae so synonymous met metal ek wens partykeer daar kan ‘n nuwe overall konsep uitgedink word. #Conseptalbumsmustfall? Dit klink ‘n bietjie drasties.Sekere metal genres was nog altyd synonomous met science fiction en horror of selfs fantasy. En as jy in enige van daai rigtings gaan inslaan is die kanse goed dat jy by ‘n konsepalbum gaan opeindig. Of jy nou wil of nie. Ek het dit al voorheen gesê en ek gaan weer. Ek is in two minds oor concept albums. I love and (or) hate them. Hang ook seker af in watter bui ek is. Maar vandag haat ek dit nie so baie nie. Eintlik glad nie. Citadel se konsep is nie nuut nie maar dit suck ook nie. Die “groep” jaag kak aan. Nee, nie die band nie. Die skapies, man. Die mensdom. En dan kom die anti-hero (dis nou jy daai) en word wakker uit die kollektiewe waas en voel verplig om uit die groep te ontsnap. En dan kap iemand die emperor se kop af (seker Thuli Madonsela) en dan kom daar ‘n plaag en almal kak summier af. Asseblief, ons soek nie nog ‘n plaag ook hier in Azania nie. Dit reën al klaar fokol. Waar was ek?

      O ja, die Citadel is ‘n massiewe struktuur wat ‘n biblioteek bevat en dit smaak my na die plaag word alles verwoes en dan kom die laaste mens(e) op aarde op hierdie kennis in die biblioteek af. Baie apocalyptic. Picture, hulle loop so in die donker met onheilspellende wind en weerlig om hulle heen uit die Citadel uit – met die wêreldse kennis in hulle se breine. Strut soos John Travolta in die laaste scene van Staying Alive. Ja, almal van hulle strut, man. Dis net die res van die storie wat ek nie so mooi verstaan nie. Wat de fok dan? Miskien kan die mense voortplant en die females geboorte skenk aan ‘n nuwe generasie homo sapiens om die computers te oorwin met al daai kennis. Of maybe trap ‘n reuse android op hulle en dan is al die kennis moertoe.

      raptorbaby-citadel-albumOk nee wag, ek het nou die lyrics gaan lees en dit klink eerder of die mense met die kennis net eenvoudig evolve na ‘n hoër consciousness toe en dan word hulle the Masters of Reality. Klink bietjie soos ‘n kruis tussen new age (te sterk) LSD en He-Man. By the pouwaaaaaaaa of Grey Skuuuullll! Pouwaaaaaa!!!! Maar ek like dit baie beter as straight up zombies of vampires. Ek mag dalk die storie nou helemaal opgefok het maar musically kan ek nie skade doen nie. Dis baie meer van ‘n mindfuck vir my. Intelligente Strepsil metal. So befokte mengsel van Old School en Numetal. Jy gaan ‘n klomp verskillende influences hoor. Ek hoor Slayer, Pantera, System of a Down en Deftones. Maybe selfs sagter rock in die vorm van Linkin Park. Al wat ek weet is dit skop jou gat van hier tot in Timbuktu. En die musiek is besig. Baie besig.  Kakbaie twists and turns, easter eggs en classical scale metal riffs so tussendeur. Hierdie bras het te veel video games gespeel toe hulle laaities was. Metal scale riffs, man… soos wanneer Bill en Ted airguitar speel? Excellent! Net bietjie meer ingewikkelder.

      Baie vuurspuwende vocals ook. Hoe kry Vincent van Niekerk dit reg om soos ‘n Ringraith met diarree te skree? Fokken Nazgûl kak. We buuuuuuuuurn like faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaijaaaaaaaaa! Foooooooooijaaaaaa! Lekke! Keelsere all around. Kry vir jou ‘n pakkie strepsils, bra! Maar dit klink nie uitsluitlik Strepsil metal nie. Die vocals kan soothing ook wees. Klink die drumming nie ook vir julle bietjie soos ‘n android wat dromme speel nie? Nee, jy sal dit nie eens agterkom nie man, maar ek belowe jou, dis alles met ‘n electronic drum kit gedoen. Lolke-Louis Claassen maak hom seer. Trust my as ek dit aan julle oorvertel, kinders van die nag – ek het jare laas so ‘n goeie metal album gehoor. Hierdie debuut vollengte album van Raptorbaby is genuine topklas aanmekaar verweef. Maande se harde werk het afbetaal. Well done, julle half Pretoria, half Joburg headbangers!raptorbaby-band

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        RolbeesRaptorbaby se Citadel is dalk net die regte local metal wat jy makeer
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        “It’s blues. If you define it too much, you kill it” – Watkykjy interviews Doc MacLean

        In Watkykjy Interviews deur griffin3 Eiertjies

        I had the opportunity to phone up this legend and talk to him about his tours and travels, the early days, his genuine interest in and hope for South Africa and his National Steel Zulu Skies Blues Tour to South Africa. He landed in South Africa yesterday and his tour kicks off tomorrow, the 3rd of November in Pretoria. Not scared of traveling, he will pack 40 shows into 45 days during his visit here. This is probably the most interesting musician I’ve had the pleasure of interviewing in 2106 and we talked for nearly an hour. Naturally I couldn’t post the interview in its entirety and had to cut it down quite a bit. Nonetheless, you will get what this blues man is all about…

        Son of a civil rights lawyer and a fiddle player, MacLean was by his early teens playing harmonica and washboard in coffeehouses and festivals, and was appearing on radio and television variety shows. In 1972 he formed a duo with Colin Linden, (now Grammy nominated producer and recent Dylan guitarist) and became a frequent opener for Sonny Terry & Brownie McGee, Muddy Waters, and John Hammond. Famously, they traded a guitar for a 1948 Dodge, and set out to explore America– never looking back…

        You’re known for the fact that you tell songs and you sing stories. That’s what the blues all about right? Stories?
        Yeah, its all stories. Being able to tell stories and sing it with your own voice is kinda where you want to get to. Certainly I think I’ve got to that point now where after 45 years I’ve done my own stories and I’m very comfortable…

        Your sets probably got longer, because your stories got more and more?
        Hahaha, I gotta try and keep the sets short

        Do you talk a lot between songs or do you let the music tell the stories?
        You know, I don’t think I talk too much in between when I sing.

        Do you think the way you sing the Delta roots blues – is it still the same sort of thing or did it change a lot? Is more commercialized? Did it perhaps become more saturated?
        I think as a genre, the blues has never been more popular than it is today. Certainly in North America the size of the blues festivals and the amount of blues tourism that exists, the impact that it has on the economy in places like Mississippi, Louisiana, Texas, St Louis and Chicago… With that said with this high popularity this music itself has never been more bland or commercialized than it is today. There’s a real movement towards West Coast jump music and straight ahead Chicago blues as being the blues. And its almost like music for your life for a crowd of retired folks who come out here to the same set every night – they wanna hear Mojo and those kinda stuff which is great, but I’m not taking it away from them. People are having a lot of fun. And the bands who play this stuff… I’ve never been better. We’re a great generation of musicians playing now. But a lot of the time people are playing the blues but they’re not necessary blues people. Blues is much more to me at this stage in my life. Its not a barred structure, its not necessarily even my kind of music. Its a spiritual place. It music that tells stories and its healing music. You’ll know it if you like it. Its blues. If you define it too much, you kill it.
        doc-maclean-2But I think people in the States are more spoilt and lucky because you’ve got the whole Delta and there’s no chance of removing the blues from it the same way you can’t remove gumbo or catfish. In South Africa we suffer a bit because it is more of a niche thing…
        Well, I hope I can help you people because I really like the artists I’ve heard, you know following them on YouTube because South Africans have a very unique way of approaching music. It has been isolated for a lot of years.

        Ja, but we can’t use that excuse anymore? I think South Africans are snobbish when it comes to music, like they have an attitude about it. You sometimes have to beg people to support local music, which is weird?
        You have to do that wherever you are, but I hope I can help change that a little bit. If nothing more, the musicians who’ve helped me put this South African tour together, you know, I owe them a lot of gratitude. So when they decide to go to North America to do what they do, I’ll definitely do what I can to help.

        So who are they guys over here who helped you put this together?
        Well, you know, Charlie King and her band in Johannesburg, Bright Lights Big City with Jako Loots. In Cape Town guys like Bill Night, Tony Cox who is a fabulous guitar player, I mean really. And that’s where I was getting at in the sense with the isolation. South Africa’s got some really interesting ways of approaching and playing the music. Every place you go, when you go to Chicago, when you go to Montreal or you go to the West Coast – you get guys who’ve been playing together for 30, 40 years and they have their own quirks about how they play which makes it unique. And I hear that in South African blues too in the way guys play. They’ve got really cool things that they do that are so unique to South Africa. The way Tony plays guitar, he’s doing this tapping thing with his hands on the box. I’ve seen a whole lot of South African guitar players do that. It’s not wimpy flamenco stuff, this is cool blues, haha!
        doc-maclean-3Back in the day in the 70s you had a duo with Colin who is now Bob Dylan’s guitarist. What was it like back then?
        We were sort of young prodigies, we were very young aggressive players but subtly very good at what we did and we knew it. And we practiced a lot. We practices our asses off, but we were fortunate enough to get hired to back up almost everybody that was living at the time. We got to play with them at festivals or make records with them or play gigs. It was just being at the right place at the right time. We were kinda the youngest musicians alive on the scene that got to play with Sam Chapman, Muddy Waters and just you know, a real selection of people. Hanging out in Chicago playing with all these guys in storefront bars – you know, you go into these little bars and they had a store front down the length of the place and the band would be up in the window. The window is only about ten feet wide or something and they’ve got a piano up there and you cramp in the door and say “Get your soul machine out, boys!”, hahaha!

        Shit, that’s cool. You won’t see that kinda shit today?
        No, not really. Those days are gone, but the demographics of roots blues has been aging and we haven’t been really successful in bringing a big enough slice of young people into our roots music at least to the live shows. Its cheesy, the whole country thing is pretty healthy. There’s a lot of young musicians flighting roots that way and the deadhead kids also work their way or worm their way through the roots of that music and end up doing some interesting things. I think the blues will come around again.

        Its never left and its roots are based in West Africa….
        Yeah, it is part of an unbroken chain. That’s what I always say. An unbroken chain that goes back further than any of us can even imagine. Sounds and noises and communicating with one another. So it feels good for me to be coming to Africa. I learned how to play from the grandchildren of slaves and those things that they gave me are in a sense a thing I’m bringing back to Africa. I’m not bringing it back in a real public way saying “Ok, this is it” but personally my spiritual mission as an artist traveling through the world… when I’m sitting there playing in South Africa I’m going to have a very, I think, I hope, grounded feeling. To be grateful that I’m able to be here doing that.
        doc-maclean-4You’re not going up in Africa? You’re just touring South Africa? You’re not going to Ghana or Nigeria?
        No, I’m not doing those this trip but I will come back.

        You don’t seem like you’re the kinda person who is scared to travel to weird little places?
        Oh, I’ve traveled all my life. What keeps me going is places on the map that I haven’t been yet. I enjoy the travel a lot. And also, I never travel a place not intending to come back. No matter how big or small. My life is scattered largely over the North American continent now but there’s no one place that is more attractive than another.

        So what made you move to Canada?
        O well, I had a little boy here so I thought I’d be there and make that move and it was a good idea.

        So it wasn’t a vision in 2006 when you thought “In ten year’s time we need to choose between these two presidential candidates. I’m getting the hell outa here!”
        Hahaha! You never would have known back then! Now I’m a proud Canadian I’ve got a Canadian passport and its pretty good. Its a smart country and I tell people “Canadians don’t really know this but Canadians and South Africans have a lot in common”

        The amount of doctors going from South Africa to Canada?
        There’s a lot of doctors getting out. I know its not good but I think we’ll see doctors going back. I’m personally filled with a lot of optimism for South Africa. I think it could be one of the greatest countries in the next century. You know, there’s a little dream there that people have. I’m optimistic. I think you guys are gonna make it happen.

        That’s cool that you believe in us. So your tour is called the National Steel Zulu Skies Blues Tour?
        That’s correct.

        That’s a very long name.
        It is. Haha!

        doc-maclean-5So you do this tour every year, but in the States?
        I tour North America every year and I do at least a hundred shows back to back in Canada alone. So I play all ten provinces from coast to coast right up to the Arctic and then in the States I go right down to the Gulf Coast, all the central states, southern states and Eastern Seaboard. I do about 25 states. I do that every year.

        Jissis, that’s hectic. That’s a lot of miles. Do you get tired of the road or is that now just your house for two thirds of the year?
        Haha, it is a lot miles. I live on the road most of the year. I do about 250 shows a year.

        That’s basically the whole year if you take Mondays away.
        Hahaha!

        So, when you’re in South Africa, you’re starting off at the Canadian Embassy on the 3rd of November?
        The high commission. I don’t think you can smoke dope there yet, but it is legal in Canada now, hahaha! Maybe you can smoke a little bit at the High Commission? I don’t know?

        So what are your plans after that? You’re obviously going to drive everywhere because you love the road so much.
        After that I’m going to do about a week of shows withing 5 or 6 hours from Johannesburg. I’ll just use it as my center. Sometimes I’ll stay over, sometimes I’ll just go back. So about a week, ten days in that area and then I head out to Bloemfontein. You guys call it Bloem. Then I’m gonna head down and hit Durban, and work my way across to Port Elizabeth hit across the desert, hit Prince Albert and some places in the Karoo. Then I come down the Atlantic coast in to Cape Town and do about ten days of shows there and work my way back down that coast again back to Port Elizabeth and hit the little places in between that I didn’t get. It is about 40 shows in about 45 days.

        Shit, you’re really gonna this all?
        Well, I hope so, hahaha!

        That is probably the ideal tour that any South African muso would like to do.
        Well hopefully some of your musos would steal my schedule and do the same thing. Next year I’ll do a better job to get to places I didn’t get to. When you do small shows to make a living, you gotta do a lot of them. I make my living though volume sales. I play a lot of shows.

        I’m definitely gonna see you at the “high” commission and really try to attend as many of your shows as I can while you’re here.
        I’m gonna be so jet lagged when I get here. You wanna stay up until 7 in the morning with me?

        I got no problem. So where can we check out your schedule for the tour.
        Everything is up on zuluskies.blogspot.com
        doc-malcean

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          griffin“It’s blues. If you define it too much, you kill it” – Watkykjy interviews Doc MacLean