Hierdie chick en haar vier tjommies het tickets na Oppikoppi gewen!

In Oppikoppi deur griffin1 Eiertjies

Dat ‘n goose wat nie Afrikaans so lekker kan praat nie vir die res van julle so ore aansit hier op Watkykjy. Laat dit ‘n les wees. Baie geluk aan Lee en haar vier tjommies wat elk ‘n ticket vir Oppikoppi gewen het. As ons julle raakloop koop ons vir julle shooters en bier ook sommer.

Ons het sopas van die foun af geklim met die brasse van Oppikoppi. Hulle het laat weet dat julle seblief water moet saambring. Dehydration is ‘n bitch. Hulle vra ook dat julle stof saambring. Daar is nie genoeg stof op die plaas nie. Daar is ook nog tickets besikbaar – slegs online – so moenie probeer om by die hek te koop nie. Dit gaan nie ‘n fok werk nie. Vir al die info oor die festival, skiet uit na www.oppikoppi.co.za. Kry ook sommer die Oppikoppi app vir IOS en Android. Dit gaan jou nogal baie help oor die naweek om te check wie waar en wanneer jol.

En nou die wenner:

Hi Griffin! My Afrikaans is ‘n bietjie kak maar ek sal probeer here and there okay.
My tjommies and i in our mooi-moois vir die saterdag by Oppi. Ons dra zombie outfits because we are the new age Oppikoppi odyssey followers. Ons wil Rave to the fucking grave!!! (har har, get it). Ek is ‘n Oppi virgin so my survival kit has everything i think im going to need. wet wipes, sonbrille, cigarettes, ‘n bietjie vodka, my converse tekkies, dust mask (in dust we trust), sun screen en a bietjie kos om te eet.

pleeease pleaase choose me and my tjommies, we really need these tickets and i can guarantee they they will be fully utilized and exploited because we plan to go ape shit at Oppikoppi 2014 :D

odyssey apocalypseoppi survival

Deel met jou tjommies!
griffinHierdie chick en haar vier tjommies het tickets na Oppikoppi gewen!
Check hom

Pielparade. South African military slang. Ag man, dis lekker innie army!

In Snotstories deur Watkykertjie bydrae22 Eiertjies

(by Casual Jay)

weermag“Pielparade” is an Afrikaans colloquial term commonly used by South African military personnel, especially servicemen and veterans of the old South African Defense Force (S.A.D.F.), which has also entered mainstream South African English as slang. The term means ‘penis parades’ and refers to a range of sexual games or practices in which groups of soldiers participate, supposedly to foster group cohesion. Since pielparade are taboo, and because of the controversial and sensitive nature of the activities of the S.A.D.F. during the final period of the apartheid era, pielparade are rarely written about or openly discussed in public. Pielparade have never been officially sanctioned, and their occurrence largely depended on the predilections of individual section or platoon leaders. Pielparade were also known as ‘spanbou speletjies’ which translates as ‘team building games’ or ‘geesbou speletjies’ (‘team spirit-building games’). Apart from promoting group cohesiveness, the games were also meant to be humorous and to entertain the troops.

The most common game is known as ‘laërskommel’ which literally translates as ‘laager milkshake’ but means ‘circle jerk’ which is when a group of men form a circle and masturbate themselves till they ejaculate. During the nineteenth century, the ancestors of the Afrikaners, called Boers, used to create encampments formed by a circle of wagons to protect them from attacks by hostile African tribes or wild animals. These circular encampments were called laagers in Dutch which the Boers spoke at the time but their Dutch eventually evolved into Afrikaans. The Afrikaans word for ‘laager’ is ‘laër’. The ‘skommel’ or ‘milkshake’ part of ‘laërskommel’ refers to male masturbation and semen which may resemble certain milkshakes.
paratusThe section or platoon would gather in the section or platoon bungalow or outside and create an area called the ‘saadskietbaan’. ‘Saad’ means ‘seed’ or ‘seeds’ but in this context it means ‘semen’, ‘skiet’ means ‘shoot’ and ‘baan’ means ‘shooting range’ or ‘a range for target practice’. The section or platoon leader would order participants to form a circle or line up in a row behind a line in the ‘saadskietbaan’. Soldiers would weeermag ou vlagthen place bets on which participants would ejaculate first, last or furthest. Participants were then ordered to strip naked. The ‘laërskommel’ might be preceded by a ‘worswedstryd’ (see below) or participants were ordered to perform ‘jumping jacks’ or ‘star jumps’ which are a type of physical exercise in which the performer jumps from a standing position with the arms and legs pointing outwards. The purpose of ordering the participants to perform ‘jumping jacks’ was partly to humiliate them and to humour the onlookers because the participants’ penises would inevitably flail up and down or side to side as they jumped. Participants would then proceed to masturbate themselves till they ejaculated. Occasionally, participants would be ordered to stimulate other participants’ penises or scrotum. After the last participant had finished ejaculating, the winnings were then distributed.

Other Afrikaans slang words for ‘laërskommel’ include:
Kraalskommel – a ‘kraal’ is a traditional African village of huts surrounded by a circular fence or it is a circular enclosure for livestock; ‘skommel’ means ‘milkshake’ of which the meaning in this context is explained above.
Kringskommel – a ‘kring’ is a ‘ring’ or ‘circle’; ‘skommel’ means ‘milkshake’ of which the meaning in this context is explained above.
Balskud – a ‘bal’ is a ‘ball’ but in this context it means ‘testicle’ and ‘skud’ means ‘to shake’. The term also occurs in the plural, viz. ballasskud
Saadbomme – ‘saad’ means ‘seed’ or ‘seeds’ but in this context it means ‘semen’, and ‘bomme’ means ‘bombs’.
Saadkannone – ‘saad’ means ‘seed’ or ‘seeds’ but in this context it means ‘semen’, and ‘kannone’ means ‘cannons’.
Saadskiet – ‘saad’ means ‘seed’ or ‘seeds’ but in this context it means ‘semen’, and ‘skiet’ means ‘shoot’.
Saadskietparade – ‘saad’ means ‘seed’ or ‘seeds’ but in this context it means ‘semen’, ‘skiet’ means ‘shoot’ and ‘parade’ means ‘parade’.
Skietpiel – ‘skiet’ means ‘shoot’ and ‘piel’ means ‘penis’.
Toltrekparade – ‘tol’ means ‘dick’ (i.e. slang for ‘penis’), ‘trek’ means ‘pull’ and ‘parade’ means ‘parade’
Draadtrekparade – ‘draad’ means ‘wire’ but in this context it means ‘penis’, ‘trek’ means ‘pull’ and ‘parade’ means ‘parade’
Tottietrekparade – ‘tottie’ means ‘willy’ (i.e. slang for ‘penis’), ‘trek’ means ‘pull’ and ‘parade’ means ‘parade’.

Other types of pielparade:
This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘wors’ which means ‘sausage’ and ‘wedstryd’ which means ‘match’ or ‘game’. Participants would take bets to see whose penises were the longest or shortest or thickest, and the money or whatever was being bet would then be distributed to the winners.

This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘hand’ which means ‘hand’ and ‘stoot’ which means ‘push’. Participants would stand naked in a row and thrust their erect penises in their hands till they ejaculated, basically as if they were having sex with their own hands. Bets would be placed on who could ejaculate first, last or the furthest.

This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘olifant’ which means ‘elephant’ and ‘loop’ which means ‘walk’. Participants would be ordered to stand naked in a column. Each soldier would take hold of the penis of the soldier in front of him by putting his hands between the soldier’s legs from behind, as well as the penis of the soldier behind him. The participants would then be ordered to walk, to the amusement of the onlookers.

This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘kussing’ which means ‘cushion’ or ‘pillow’ and ‘kannon’ which means ‘cannon’. Participants would be ordered to strip naked, make their penises erect and then rub them against a pillow or cushion till they ejaculate. As with other pielparade, bets would be placed on which participant would ejaculate first or last or the furthest.

This game derives from the Afrikaans word for ‘doll house’. A soldier would bring a woman, usually a prostitute, to the platoon bungalow and have sex with her while other troops watch. Sometimes the woman would be aware and sometimes the woman would be unaware that she was being watched. The troops watching would be ordered to masturbate and ejaculate while watching.

flamingo bombsFlaminkbomme
This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘flamink’ which means ‘flamingo’ and ‘bomme’ which means ‘bombs’. Flamingos sleep by balancing on one leg. In this game, participants would be ordered to strip naked and stand on one leg by holding the other leg by the foot behind the back. The participants would then be ordered to masturbate and ejaculate while trying to balance on one leg. The participants had to masturbate with the hand which they did not usually use to masturbate. If the participants failed to maintain their balance, they would be punished with an ‘opfok’ (literally ‘up-fuck’, or ‘fuck up’) which was a series of punishment exercises like push-ups, running, jumping jacks, etc.

This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘swaard’ which means ‘sword’ and ‘geweer’ which means ‘gun’ and is also jokingly known as ‘penis fencing’ or ‘sword-fighting’. This game was essentially a form of frottage; direct penis-to-penis contact, in which participants would use their penises as ‘swords’ in a ‘swordfight’, which usually involved the competitive element of trying to make the other participant ejaculate first.

This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘jags’ which means ‘horny’ and ‘bly’ which means ‘to remain’. The section or platoon leader would order the soldiers to strip naked and masturbate. The participants would then engage in edging or orgasm control which is a sexual technique that involves a high level of sexual arousal for an extended period of time without reaching orgasm. The competitive aspect of this game would be to see which soldier could continue masturbating the longest without having an orgasm.

 Eensame kannon or Lekkende kraan or Kraanspuit
“Eensaam’ means ‘lonely’ and ‘kannon’ means ‘cannon’; ‘lekkende’ means ‘leaky’ and ‘kraan’ means ‘tap’; ‘spuit’ means ‘spray’ or ‘shoot’. In this game, soldiers in a platoon bungalow would be ordererd to strip naked and stand together in a group. Then they would be ordered to masturbate. Whenever a participant was ready to ejaculate, he would have to raise his hand and stand in front of the group so that all of the soldiers could watch him ejaculate. This would continue till every soldier had finished ejaculating.

soggy marieSoggy Marie or Soggy biscuit or Soggy cookie
Marie biscuits are a brand of biscuits in South Africa. In this game, contestants were ordered to ejaculate onto a digestive biscuit or cookie. Whoever ejaculated first was deemed the winner, and the last person to ejaculate was forced to eat the biscuit.

This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘kom’ which means ‘cum’ and ‘koor’ which means ‘choir’. In this game, soldiers would be ordered to strip naked and masturbate. Each soldier had to reach a point so that the entire squad or platoon could ejaculate simultaneously. If a soldier ejaculated too soon, or too late, the entire squad or platoon would be punished with an ‘opfok’ (a series of punishment exercises) and afterwards would have to repeat the ‘komkoor’.

This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘kom’ which means ‘cum’ and ‘koffie’ which means ‘coffee’. Soldiers would be ordered to masturbate and ejaculate into the same mug or cup one by one. The group would continue to repeat ejaculations till the mug or cup was filled to the brim with semen. The soldier that ejaculated the least would have the mug or cup of semen poured over him by the group.

armyThere are various reasons why pielparade was encouraged, but the overall purpose was supposedly to promote greater group cohesion. Section or platoon leaders ordered pielparade variously to foster ‘gehoorsaamheid’ (‘obedience’), ‘samesyn’ (‘togetherness’), ‘gelykheid’ (‘equality’), ‘eenheid’ (‘unity’) or ‘gees’ (‘spirit’) among their troops. The idea is that performing such a private, intimate act in front of other soldiers would decrease awareness of individual identity and promote greater awareness of group identity, and cultivate stronger bonds of trust, togetherness and mutual respect which are supposedly critical to the cohesion of the platoon. A more skeptical view is that it was a type of indoctrination to encourage soldiers to relent to unquestioning obedience so that soldiers would follow orders that could be interpreted as morally wrong or repugnant. Not all platoon leaders orderered their troops to perform pielparade but it was fairly common at different bases and camps throughout South Africa and the military’s operational area. While pielparade feature a homoerotic element, they may be interpreted an effort to establish heterosexual, masculine dominance within a group. What actually motivates participation is to have fellow men witness and acknowledge one’s sexual prowess, helping to counter feelings of inadequacy related to sex and masculinity. It is also a means of gaining comparative knowledge of, weermag 7or exploring, male anatomy and its functions in an accepted way since many soldiers might not have been exposed to other men’s bodies prior to basic army training.
Since such unethical medical practices as those carried out by Dr Aubrey Levin were officially sanctioned, it is likely that sexual practices or games like pielparade were thus tacitly accepted by military officials as having a factual basis. There is no medical study which proves or disproves that pielparade are effective or ineffective as a means of fostering group cohesion. Nonetheless, the practice obtains.

Deel met jou tjommies!
Watkykertjie bydraePielparade. South African military slang. Ag man, dis lekker innie army!
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Laasweek se zefspotters

In Zefspotters deur griffin2 Eiertjies

Hierdie gras bakkie in Sandton gespot.  Anders as beeskak gooi elke 6 maande het hy nie te veel maintenance nie.
Dit blyk om telke male die geval te wees dat my zefspotter entries van ‘n Presleys parking lot kom. My buddy is ‘n driving instructor en hy gebruik dié einste plek se parkeerarea om die kinners op te lei. Hy beoog toe hierdie meneer. In sy woorde, “ek wens om eendag so cool soos dié ou te wees”.
preselys parkingHet hierdie diamant ontdek in my ou plateversameling
bodybeatLiewe Griffin,
Check bietjie hierdie screenshot uit.
Die woord kom immers van julle af.

Yes Griffin,
Ken jy ‘n doos? Nou ma’ chalk hom! (Seker in die hol). Gevind tussen die kinder speelgoed in die diep suide van US and A.
chalk-a-doosDag Griff,

Gespot op pad na die nuwe graft in Randburg:

1) Ek skiem as mens pretty outdated wiele ry wil mens so min as moontlik aandag trek. Maar wat weet ek. Ek is net ‘n doos wat droom van die dag dat ek ‘n doucheplate kan bekostig om op my eie Duitse motor te plak. Sorry oor al daai stof en shit op die bonnet – ten minste het ek die akkedisdrolle van die windscreen af ge-flick by die huis. Die Tata is tydelik nie beskikbaar nie. Which is not a bad thing, entirely. As Duitse motors met doucheplates soos Crocs is, dan is ‘n Tata bakkie soos Ghandi se fokken plakkies.
F3KIN P03PH0L2) On the other hand, Darren – DIT is nou klas. Het amper ‘n BMW voor my ge-buttfuck teen about 140 klieks terwyl ek daai foudie geneem het met my BlackOutBerry. Die occupants het gelyk soos ‘n Pa en Seun span. Occupants van die Chev, that is. Die occupants van die BMW het gelyk soos Madagascan nag-apies toe die fokkers agterkom hulle sit actually teen 80km/h en MetroFM luister…op die highway…terwyl ek laat is vir graft…reg agter hulle.
befokte chev‘n Geseënde week vir al die Zefspotters out there. Sien julle so vroeg September, nadat julle van OppiKoppi recover het. Gelukkige fokkers.

Prof. Bokdrol.

Yo Grif
Nog ‘n zeffer in Sunninghill. G’n wonder daar is so baie roadrage nie, die ouens is kwaad vir fokkol die hele tyd.
Frikkie Fingers
SAMSUNGBenoni Boef?
benoni boefIt’s official. Americans are busy eating Africans!
Local is lekke
eating africans

Deel met jou tjommies!
griffinLaasweek se zefspotters