Check hom

How can I bless you if you won’t lie down?

In Snotstories deur Watkykertjie bydraeRek jou bek

by Marc

I passed a newspaper headline poster the other day. Last Sunday, I think. Stuck on a street light pole. I think it was the Sunday Tribune, or something. I don’t read newspapers anymore and that has more I think to do with the recognition that reading newspapers is only slightly edifying and far more depressing and a willful subjection of oneself to, at best, negative trivia and, at worst, manipulated bullshit, rather than the sensationalism that has overtaken almost every newspaper over the last decade or two. Did you notice that? Years ago. When you saw headlines, bought the (ordinarily unimpeachable) newspaper on the day and realized that the article was mostly hype and far less noteworthy than you had anticipated? Realizing, too, that the headline had been, basically, lying crap. I remember it, not only because I have an interest in matters journalistic, but also because it occurred to me as something sad that in the transition from the era of print (and thus newspaper) dominance towards the tech, online era, newspapers were not helping themselves by degenerating into bog-roll, selling their integrity like that. Many papers had struggle credentials too. It seemed an emerging tragedy that all of the horror and death they had so bravely tried to expose was now reduced to whoopy-doo horseshit.

Nowadays, with the Daily Sun cementing bullshit trivia as standard fare in this country and, really, in my opinion, just dumbing the whole world down with it and, rather stingily for me, treating their predominantly black, working class readership like assholes (although they are the assholes who consume the crap), it’s become standard. No one, perhaps with the exception of The Mail & Guardian and one or possibly two others, have any journalistic integrity left. And by journalistic integrity I mean manifesting the confidence in the reader that the articles are honest, unbiased and factually correct as far as the writer could ascertain and that the content is relevant, important even and contributes in some way to human progress or, at least, societal intelligence.

blesser 2Different world today… So, when I passed the headline that said “How to be a blesser” my toes curled a little. For those of you who don’t know, a blesser is a South African, currently emerging term for any man who has sufficient disposable income to buy a usually younger, female ‘blessee’ clothes and tuition fees and hair and nails and stuff (there’s a quote there, but I’ll get to that just now) in exchange for her sexual charms. Her naked ass. I might be wrong, but I believe this used to be called prostitution…? Now of course it’s a soft version, couched in kissy-wissies and lovey-doveys, but the rote, mercenary “Ok bend over and I’ll bless you, bitch” remains inherent there for me. Ok ok, I’m sure I don’t have to use words like “bitch” and I also won’t pop a few images of underage Hillbrow prostitutes in here in words in order to avoid making this article depressing too but… really?

A blesser. Mmmmm…. I am ok with being a (limited) provider and, as it happens I am an older man dating younger women and it’s nothing but a joy to help out, but that’s a given anyhow… I give as freely to the vagrant who lies on the pavement lawn outside my complex every day. Also, while I’m going down this avenue, I am adamant about sexual performance – produce it or hop it.

So… while this wasn’t the source of my curling toes and, in fact, is only occurring to me now as I write this, perhaps particularly as a white man who dates only black women, I guess I am practicing at least some of the blesser formula, if only by default. Mmmmm.. It displeases me saying that, because I know I’m not. And the difference between me and a blesser? I need a real liaison, a genuine mutual interest with ALL possibilities present – up to and including love and marriage – before I want to be naked with someone. I need to have all of the essential ingredients contained in a woman before I do nasties with them. It doesn’t have to go that way – who gets to dictate that a natural unfolding of falling in love, marrying and mating is going to happen ever? – but the potential has to be there. For me. I need far more than a sex partner, at least going beyond the short term. Sex is easy, for almost all of us. Anyone can get laid, with apologies to all of you for whom this is patently untrue. But I need to lie down next to loveliness and intelligence too, before I get hard, besides any other prerequisites or preferences I might have… And how intelligent can you be, trading your holes for cash. Or goods, like that makes it better…

Although the whole blesser phenomenon is typically black, I am supremely confident that when people are selling their orifices for material goods, there’s plenty of colour blur and, frankly, who gives it? If you’ve got the money and you, baby, have got sufficient ice around your heart and tuition bills to pay or a desire for a new hairpiece, what does colour matter? So, what made my toes curl? The nature of the headline. I know I know – it’s just relatively inert phrase, “How to be a blesser”, but I was left wondering why it wasn’t “How to help your girl child not succumb to a blesser” or just “The blesser phenomenon of today”…? Something about the headline was almost tongue-in-cheek, almost congratulatory, almost suggesting “this is how you do it”… It stank. Much like when Lolly Jackson, that fine, upstanding bastion of morality whose smile shone upon Johannesburg, until organized crime shot him in his white-trash-with-money face and rubbed him out, was celebrated in some sense by the newspapers at the time. Regular articles, the life of Lolly laid bare with accompanying pics, Lolly the Joburg icon, the history of the rise of Lolly… God. The man was a sex trading piece of shit. Is he really making the papers as someone worthwhile? Is this really good reading for all, I thought at the time. That was a moment in the same vein, for me, when I saw that headline last Sunday. “How to be a blesser” rang those bells.
blesserI mooted an explanation above. I mentioned that there’s a quote above I didn’t bother to punctuate with inverted commas. I was buzzed recently. By a young, black female student, resident in Pretoria. Online. From a site. “Hey – wanna chat?” or something like that. I looked at her profile. It stated quite openly “I’m looking for a blesser to buy me nice hair and nails and stuff”….. Unquote. Needless to say, apart from the fact that she wasn’t a particularly attractive mercenary whore which merely made it even sadder, I declined her request to “chat”. Shame. I guess she doesn’t know that the vagrant outside and I are more akin than strangers. Yes I live inside the complex he lies outside of, but our finances are pretty much neck and neck right now I’d be prepared to wager. He might get thrown off the lawn, but I might get thrown down the stairs. Anyway… I am not a blesser. Or, put another way, a man who would pay for a woman’s sexual servitude. Let me hastily ward off the acrimony that will surely arise from some (mostly female) quarters, mostly those women who know that they have compromised or will happily compromise their sexual integrity for material inputs, and say that of course people have got to do what they’ve got to do. No, I don’t wish to control female sexuality or curtail the freedom of women to do as they see fit, within the confines of what society deems law. But, really…?

I looked at the photo of the wannabe blessee who buzzed me. Weirdly, I thought of her folks. Was so saddened by it all. Did they really want their daughter growing up into this? Do they give a shit? Did they inspire her to it? People, hey…

It’s a headline. Young girls are going to drive past that. And it’s slightly celebratory in phrasure. Isn’t it? Am I being a prude? I don’t know…. But I do know that the young girls in my life that I care about I would have never factor in getting a “blesser” on board in order to ease their way in this life. God, no. For me, it’s far more prostitution and far less “just a girl making her way”, all smiles and happy, jiggly tits…. It’s whoring your slit. Can we just call it for what it is? A blesser is a whore monger. And a blessee is a whore. I don’t buy, as the headline seemed to encourage, that it’s a component of life nowadays and, ag, not so bad hey. Better than prostituting yourself on the street… Really? Somehow, street hookers seem to manifest more integrity than blessees, to me. I don’t think finding a blesser is an ok aspiration for any young woman. I would shit myself if one of my girls grew up factoring that into her safety net. Whoring one’s flesh costs. I know. We all know. We all feel it, which is why the massive majority of us don’t do it. I know that evolutionary psychology can paint marriage as nothing more than prostitution too, but I always found that extrapolation somewhat limited, as it avoided any mention of companionship, the spirit. The massive human growth and good that long term relationships help us feel if not positively manifest.
Whoring one’s flesh costs. Buying flesh costs. So, does “blessing”.
blesser 3How long before your blesser wants to stick something up your anus and you’re lying there, contemplating the rape of your soul and the pain you’ll endure, weighed up against that big screen TV? Maybe you’ll be lucky and have a gentlemanly blesser and it will work out just fine for you, but the reason I don’t gamble is this thing – the losses are just too potentially great. If I could lose only 20% of my money and go home, maybe I’d gamble. But the prospect of going home without my shirt is too great an ask for me. The downside is too far down. It’s unacceptable. Complete. Utter loss. So, when your blesser makes you blow him in front of his friends, or comes over drunk and bliksems you before sodomizing you, or wants you to fuck his friends before he buys you a car, well… Good luck with that shit. It’s always a potential. See? It’s that unacceptable potential, like putting yourself into a situation where you can lose every penny you own, that’s an integral part of the contract that puts the lie to all the couching and lovey-doveyness you can say about blessers. Basically, it’s the knowledge that your ass is worth someone’s disposable income, that makes it unacceptable for me as a construct. A phenomenon.

Don’t be a blesser. Don’t be a blessee. Please God… And, speaking of God, bless all of you 😉

Deel met jou tjommies!

    Watkykertjie bydraeHow can I bless you if you won’t lie down?
    Check hom

    ‘n Grapgat het ons gevra om Band of Skulls te review

    In Rolbees Reviews deur RolbeesRek jou bek

    Band of Skulls – By Default
    Net vir future reference – ek doen nie fokken requests nie. Baie van julle marabse stuur musiek na my en Griffin se kant toe en dis befok – soms like ons dit en soms nie. Obviously, want smaak verskil. Nie dat ek veel van musiek af weet nie. Ek dink net om musiek te deel met ander mense is een van die befokste dinge wat jy kan doen op hierdie blou-groen planeet van ons wat teen ‘n kak spoed om die son donder. Sommige van ons is net fokken stupid genoeg om ons balle op die metaalwerktafel te gooi  en ons opinies in die interwebs in te stuur – waar almal met hamers werk.

    by defaulsHannes Brummer se tweet wat my request het om Band of Skulls (’n band wat al beskryf is deur menigte kritici as ‘n tipe the Black Keys rip-off band) se nuwe album uit te check, was met die nodige agterdog bejeën wat dit verdien. Ek het hom nog net so een of twee keer vinnig ontmoet en hy het net vir my gelyk soos ‘n bra wat kak musieksmaak het. Sulke luister Modern Talking en Beyonce terwyl hy so skelm in sy haarborsel sing! Hahaha! *Koes* Wel, kom ons gee hom die benefit of the doubt en vind uit of hy actually uitmaak van kief musiek of nie.

    Ek onthou die band van 2012 af met hulle tweede album Sweet Sour maar het hulle nie weer daarna die time of day gegee nie. Het hulle probably in die ‘The Black Keys’ boksie gesit en vergeet van hulle. So die belangrikste ding waarna ek wil kyk is: hoe naby is Band of Skulls nou genuine aan die Black Keys? Met die eerste song op By Default hoor ek daai primal dark dirty blues rock influence al klaar. Jirre, dit begin met ‘n snare drum inskopper en ‘n Jimmy Page riff. Ek like dit anyway, nevermind die labels wat ander mense hulle gee nie. Russel Marsden se vocals het nou nie moerse range nie maar hy het darem reg-in-die mirrel-Sirrel stembande. Don’t get me wrong, ek smaak the Black Keys. Maar let’s face it, hulle musiek, alhoewel dit benchmark stuff was aan die begin, klink nou asof dit meer boundaries het as van tevore.
    band of skullsIt’s the same old thing in rock and roll. Dinge beweeg so vinnig, ander bands wat jou sound copy gaan dalk later dinge doen wat jy nooit kon nie. Tensy jy kan aanpas. Ek kan onmiddelik hoor hoe deviate Band of Skulls met die tweede song na iets fokken heeeeltemal anders. Back of Beyond behou daai donker blues rock vibe maar dit het ‘n ‘the artist formerly known as Prince’ songwriting kwaliteit wat dit laat neig na Iggy Pop of INXS se bouncy eighties guitar rock tunes. Dit vang jou hook, line and sinker – jirre dis lekker. Persoonlik is daai sound baie meer interesting vir my as Black Keys se raw original boxed in blues rock sound. But then again, ek love die stripped down sound ook. Ek het die eerste twee songs op my PC se kak speakers gegooi net om aan die skryf te kom. Gaan eerder die res van die album op my system luister…

    En ek is terug. Ja-nee fok, die enigste rede hoekom die band nie massive recognition gekry het die afgelope tien jaar nie was probably omdat hulle klank bietjie te naby aan the Black Keys was. Ek gaan net gou ‘n paar van die ou tunes op Youtube gooi en na Himalayan (2014) in geheel luister – net om te hoor of ek nie te veel kak praat nie, and I’ll get back to you…

    Ok I’m back. Jôssôs, dis prôgtôg, Hônnes! Himalayan is ‘n great album maar ja, ek skiem bietjie te naby aan the Black Keys nog. Hier is bietjie van Mr Miyagi se wysheid: “Same-same, but different”. Gaan luister weer na Asleep at the Wheel en I feel like Ten Men, Nine Dead and One Dying. Befokte songs. En terug by By Default. Band of Skulls beskou hierdie offering, hulle vierde album, as risky omdat hulle in ‘n hele ander rigting beweeg nou. Ek dink hulle begin nou eers met my praat. En hopelik met ander rock fans ook. Killer is ook ‘n ander tipe ass kick. Black Sabbath indy rock mash up riffs wat met sulke melodic nineties alternative vocals blend.

    Tropical Disease het so 007 soundtrack gevoel – monotone lead vocals en mooi trekkerige background vocals. So Good is probably een van die beste pop rock songs wat ek in ‘n lang tyd gehoor het. Jissus, volpunte vir hierdie een! Emma Richardson se vocals pas perfek by die basic, primal, fokken sexy ‘less is more’ rhythms en sulke rugged riffs. Klink soos asof Moloko dalk sou wou rock back in the day. Onthou julle daai doef-doef tunes? Sing it back… don’t bring it back…

    Little Mamma klink weer amper soos Depeche Mode in hulle nineties rock fase (Songs of Faith and Devotion (1993)). Nog ‘n deviation is Something wat ook nogal na the artist who took his own life recently klink. Daar is nog ‘n dominant the Black Keys flavour in die res van die tunes maar dis fine met my – ek gaan definitief meer van hierdie band se musiek luister. Ek hoop hulle kry hierna meer recognition . Dis amper ‘n benchmark album maar hulle kom net-net nie daarby uit nie. So ek kan nie volpunte gee vandag nie maar vier horings By Default vir die befokte album van die Band of Skulls! See what I did there?



    Deel met jou tjommies!

      Rolbees‘n Grapgat het ons gevra om Band of Skulls te review
      Check hom

      Al die aaklig in een Afrikaanse musiekvideo. Nou ook vir dowe mense.

      In Kak Musiek deur griffin13 Eiertjies

      Gewoonlik geniet net dowwe mense kak Afrikaanse musiek. Uiteindelik kan dowe mens nou ook kak Afrikaanse musiek beleef.  “SA’s FIRST mainstream Afrikaans music video with a sign language interpreter for deaf people.” Nouma piele, hoor. As jy so bly is oor die eerste Afrikaanse music video vir dowes, hoekom tune jy in Engels daaroor? Dit sal actually beter met almal gaan as hierdie musiek eerder net ge-sign en plaas van gesing word. Liewe jirre, dis fokken aaklig.

      Die lip sync is uit. Die bra wat “sing” klink of hy hard word om ‘n drol waarvan die kop uitsteek los te worstel. Kom ons stop eerder net hier en ontleed nie verder nie.

      Deel met jou tjommies!

        griffinAl die aaklig in een Afrikaanse musiekvideo. Nou ook vir dowe mense.
        Check hom

        “We’re a pretty tight band and I like to kinda brag about that” – Watkykjy interviews Fear Factory

        In Watkykjy Interviews deur griffin1 Eiertjies

        Fear Factory, probably America’s most well-known industrial metal band, is heading to South Africa and will perform live at Bassline in Johannesburg on Friday the 10th of June and in Cape Town at the Assembly the next day (Saturday the 11th of June). Chris van Der Walt, our to-go-to in-house metal expert had a chat with Dino Cazares, guitarist, writer and founding member of Fear Factory. If you we’re lucky enough to have seen Iron Maiden perform in South Africa a couple of weeks ago, this is another show that metal fans should really not miss out on…

        How’s the touring been so far?
        Everything has been totally amazing we’ve been on the road now for like seven weeks. Just the amount of people who’ve been coming out for the tour here in the US. Its killer!

        What do you know about South Africa?
        Well I don’t know a lot about South Africa. We’re extremely excited to go there to experience what its like. You know, to be there, to play shows there. I only know one band, Die Antwoord from South Africa and that’s really all I know, haha!

        Little bit of an adventure ahead?
        Totally! We can’t wait to get there to see how things are there!

        You guys will enjoy it. We can feed you guys to the lions and all sorts of stuff.

        On to Genexus, the new album. Congrats on that, absolute masterpiece – melodic, heavy, incredibly well designed. Dino, could you just maybe take me through the writing process. How did it start for Genexus and how did it evolve?
        Well, we started the writing process, basically just me and an engineer, inside a studio and started to write a bunch of music to create demos for Burton to start write lyrics to. Once we started getting few songs down, me and Burton sat down and you know… what are we going to write about? Lyrically, what do we want to say? So once we came up with an idea, things started to come together and then when we came up with the title of the album, Genexus. That is when the full concept of the album started to come together. Ultimately it just starts with a guitar and a drum machine pretty much. And a computer. And it progresses from there. Obviously we do a lot of keyboard, a lot of keyboard programming. That’s where Rhys Fulber (who is our producer) – that’s where he comes in. We also have a very talented engineer – his name is Damien Rainaud. He also engineered the album and hepled out with the keyboards as well. We’re very proud of what we came up with. We wanted to have a really good balance between melodic vocals and heavy vocals. That’s pretty much our signature sound since day one. We write songs for a purpose, not just to write songs. Musically we wanted to create a sound track to the concept of the album.
        genexusIt feels like you’re put in a machine or transformed into some mechanical state and its cool
        Well yeah, haha! Genexus is a play on words – genesis and nexus and genesis is obviously the beginning of time and nexus means “the connection” so its a connection of where we started and where we are in the future. When we were in the writing process of this album we were like “OK, so let’s get into the vibe of when we wrote some of our classic records, to create a record with that kind of feeling. We feel that we were successful in doing that. A lot of people have said that this record does sound like a combination of Demanufacture and Obsolete and obviously something newer. Genexus is basically the singularity process and we’re living among a new model of droids called Genexus or the Genexus Model.

        Not only as mankind but I mean you guys are also using the same elements that you were using long ago but we all do evolve. And as a band well.
        Yeah, well technically. Technology has gotten better for us over the years. When we first started we didn’t have a lot of the keyboards and stuff like that. We didn’t have computers that had half of the sound that could create this manufactured sound. We’ve always been about technology and the growth of technology, how it evolves and how it plays a big part of our day-to-day lives. And there is a lot of truth behind that because we use all the technology to make our records but still combined with the human element.

        So on the new album, Mike Heller also stepped in and did some of the live drumming…
        Yeah Mike Heller definitely… you know once we got all the music written we sent Mike Heller over the songs and he learned the songs and once he learned the songs we went to the studio to record everything and, you know, we wanted that live drummer element feel to the record because we thought that it would give a little bit more vibe. And it did. It helped a lot.

        Definitely – it brings the two elements together – the mechanical and the human element
        Exactly and that is pretty much wat Genexus is about.

        To the live band from the studio; working with people like Tony Campos and stuff – you guys started working together a while back and if I remember correctly jammed together in Asesino?
        Yeah, Tony Campos is one of those guys, one of those bass players who is extremely professional to any style or any band that he’s in. He first started out in a band called Static-X. Static-X was pretty much a combination of Prong meets Fear Factory meets Ministry, so obviously he knew the style. Plus we did have a band together as you said, Asesino. So when he joined Fear Factory he could easily adapt to what we were doing because he has pretty much been doing it for a long time himself. He is very tight, he is very loud in the mix – we play live so you can hear the bass, you know? Sometimes we’ve had bass players in the crowd who was not as good… they were lower in the mix, haha! Tony is one of those guys who is up there. Same thing with Mike Heller. He’s been with the band for roughly five years now. He is super professional, super tight, super technical so we sound like a really tight band playing live. And it sounds really good.
        fearfactory-stephanie-cabralEspecially with the new album. The production sound on it is so tight and so precise and nailing that, I guess, is a very important element.
        I mean of course, you know? Live we’re only human and you wanna hear a couple of mistakes here and there but overall we’re a pretty tight band and I like to kinda brag about that. We try and make it sound as close to the record as possible. We also have a sound engineer who’s been working with the band for the past six, seven years and he has it pretty much dialed in pretty great.

        We’re really looking forward to your shows in South Africa. I think it is going to be great! We’ll take you through South Africa and maybe show you the unexpected parts which might be more fun.
        Haha! Like what would that be? What is something very typical?

        Obviously we’ve got the wild life here, we’ve got stuff like shark cage diving…
        Should we change it and not go on a safari?

        No, not at all. I think stuff like that is cool to check. Its a good time of the year as well. It might be a bit cold jumping in with the sharks though.
        Haha, I’ll be sure to bring my swimming trunks.

        Or maybe like a protection suit for the sharks.
        Protection from sharks? Hahahaha! What, do you guys have sharks everywhere?

        Like you say, everything evolves. We’ve got walking sharks now. Its incredible.
        Hahahaha! I look forward to seeing it…
        Fear Factory

        Deel met jou tjommies!

          griffin“We’re a pretty tight band and I like to kinda brag about that” – Watkykjy interviews Fear Factory