Wat cave jy, boet?

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We’re on our last day of a quick 5 day trip to Mpumalanga, staying right next to that moerse intimidating Big Swing in Graskop. Just looking over the edge makes you feel like your knees are trying to pull your testicles towards your ankles and that everything is connected to your sphincter via a thin, stringy nerve.

The last time I was in this area, was around 5 years ago and we also blitzed through for a 5-day tour, but back then it was more intense because we had to fit in so much more sightseeing within the same time frame to impress our friends visiting from overseas. Back then we also klapped Hoedspruit and popped 4 tyres between 3 cars. Jissis. The wallet cried. But we always come back for more.

Mpumalanga has a very special place in my heart and if you’ve never been here, have a look at the video we made 5 years ago. If that doesn’t convince you to pack your bags, well… then your heart is probably made of fossilized bat shit from a cave:

If you’re already a big fan of this region and kind of a regular but you haven’t been here in the last two years, you might be in for a few surprises and this is where the ‘cave’ section from the headline picks up, because like caves, some things have changed. A lot of them for the better.

We visited the Sudwala Caves for the first time ever (on every other trip we ended up at the Echo Caves) and as with all things educational on holiday, our guide taught us a few interesting facts – the Precambrian dolomite rock in which the caves were formed, were laid down some 2800 million years ago but the caves themselves are about 240 million years old. Also, these caves are regarded to be the oldest known caves in the world. Look at this piele photo I took of it on Wednesday:
Now… if some high end nerds at some point figure out that their carbon calculators were perhaps fucked all along and it turns out that the caves are actually 240 million and one thousand years old, it would not be a big deal, right? Because millions and millions and millions of years versus one thousand measily years seem like fokol in science land’s bigger scheme of things. What if they were only off by 1 million years? Still, probably not a biggie for them, hey?

Fok, do you have any idea what could happen in 1000 years, let alone 1 million years? It is a total mind fuck! In less than 150 years the use of the Sudwala caves changed from being a hideout for the Swazi hiding from their own people to the Boere hiding their Long Tom shells from the British during the second Boer War, to becoming a lucrative tourist trap in the sixties, to Chris Chameleon shouting “TARA-TAAAAA!” in front of crowds in the cave’s natural amphitheater in the mid-2000’s.

All that shit.
Less than 150 years.

How about “what could possibly happen during 1 year?”
I was absolutely dumbfounded that the Graskop Gorge Lift Company came about in a year’s time and that an entire world class center with shops and panoramic decks were completed on the opposite side of the Big Swing. Oh ja, and it has the smoothest elevator ever, going down for more or less 60 meters to the bottom of the gorge to the most magical forest. Within the next few months there will be an Indiana Jones type swing bridge going across the gorge if you’re really into the extreme sport of shitting your pants 5 shades of pumpkin…
Stuff happen faster and faster. Think of your TV being the center attraction of your own cave. How has that changed in the last one to five years alone? Your devices? Your habits? Where, when and how much you watch?

Please let us know? It could be fascinating study. Television in South Africa is not even 45 years old. In Sudwala cave timeline terms that could probably equate to a quarter of a second…

Goeie fok, I’ve scared myself into a corner!

Go be a caveman this weekend. Have a look at our top ten selection from
The Plumlist to help you along:

# 10 They love money. They love drama. They’re the Real Housewives of Johannesburg
Rewatch all the crazy from the first season of the Real Housewives of Johannesburg. (PS. We promise we won’t tell anyone about your reality series addiction.)
On Showmax
(read more)
 #9 I am Mother
A teenage girl is raised by a robot designed to repopulate Earth. Their bond is tested when a stranger arrives with alarming news.
 On Netflix
(read more)
#8 South African wine’s red, white and black history
Bianca Coleman discovers dark secrets and glimmers of hope in The Colour of Wine, an eye-opening history of the South African wine industry.
 On Showmax
(read more)
 #7 Hitchcock’s Rear Window, but on the Cape Flats
It’s not the first time Alfred Hitchcock’s film Rear Window has been reworked, but in this version, writer and director Nosipho Dumisa makes her stunning debut with her homage set in the milieu of the crime-ridden Cape Flats.
On Showmax
(read more)
 #6 Younger season 6 is coming!
Liza’s secret has been rumbled, she and Charles are FINALLY together and Kelsey is the new boss of Empirical. Season 5 delivered so much – but the drama is far from over.
 On Showmax
(read more)
 #5 Fifteen kids’ shows to stream this winter
With the school holidays coming up, you’re going to need reinforcements, extra ammo in your keeping-the-kids-entertained arsenal. These shows on Showmax and Netflix are here for you.
 On Showmax & Netflix
(read more)
 #4 How to Sell Drugs Online (Fast)
To win back his ex-girlfriend, a nerdy teen starts selling ecstasy out of his bedroom online, and ends up becoming one of Europe’s biggest dealers. German with English subtitles.
 On Netflix 
(read more)
 #3 Four South African stand-up comics to stream
To flex your funny bone and warm your heart cockles (get your doctor’s permission first) check out some of Showmax’s finest stand-up comedy. Then, keep it fresh by watching some fine comics banter in The Last Laugh chat show series, hosted by award-winning comedian Stuart Taylor.
On Showmax
(read more)
 #2 HBO’s Euphoria coming to Showmax
Everyone’s been waiting for HBO’s new series Euphoria, which started in the US on 16 June. It will take an unflinching look at the dark side of being a teenager, addressing tough topics like addiction and recovery, sexual identity and trauma.
 On Showmax
(read more)
 #1 Showmax sport streaming – all the details
Showmax is branching out and adding both pre-recorded and live sport content to its current line-up of TV series, movies and kids’ shows. The move into live streaming is a first for Showmax in Africa.
 On Showmax
(read more)

Our randomized trailer pick of the week

Each week we take a number from 1 to 10 from our list of suggestions and put it through a randomizer to choose a trailer to show you. This week it landed on our number 2 spot, Euphoria.
This series kicked off in the USA this past Sunday and having a look at the trailer, we’re probably in for a very tough ride. A tough ride in the sense that it might fuck you up a little bit, emotionally. You mos know that HBO doesn’t make kak TV?

It will be available on Showmax from the 15th of July:

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