This Game Of Thrones baby is already wearing a nappy. Let’s put it to bed.

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Al you “I have never seen an episode of Game of Thrones”-trolls unfortunately will now have to find something new to not watch so you can talk about how you don’t care about it on Facebook. As much as you don’t care about Game Of Thrones, you are well aware that it has finally come to an end because you have already probably told everyone how glad you are that it has come to end, because people (including yourself) can now finally stop talking about it. Phew!

By the way, you missed out on 8 seasons of probably Jack Black’s best acting ever.
Yup, it is over now. And a LOT of people are upset about how it ended. Here is a quick recap of how shit went down in the last episode of Game Of Thrones. For those who care as well as  those who pretend not to give a fuck:

  • Jon Snow was pomping his hot, blonde aunty, Khaleesi, (Daenerys Targaryen) for daaaaays but finally managed to get his boner and hormones under control and put a sword through her chest. But his timing was a bit off, because he only managed to kill Khaleesi after she had already fucked up the entire King’s Landing till kingdom come (pun intended).
  • This also puts Jon Snow right back at square one, being the car guard at the Night’s Watch once again.
  • Tyrion had little (pun) idea that he would go from Hand of The King to Hand of The King to prisoner to newly appointed Hand of the King. It is kind of a big (pun) deal.
  • Arya got on the MSC Musica and fucked off to discover Afrikaans music and the Portuguese Islands.
  • Drogon is now the loneliest only dragon left on earth after mommy dearest died by his cousin’s(??) hand. He ate a garage pie without a Rennie and melted the iron throne in a fit of rage. He then fucked off in an easterly direction to go cry about his mom. #SadDragon
  • Sansa pulled a Brexit and is now ruling the North independently from the six other kingdoms.  Maybe five – Kings Landing now looks like Durban after a service delivery protest.
  • As mentioned thirty seconds ago, the Iron Throne is a now melted puddle of Ford Kuga because Drogon fucked it up. But that doesn’t really matter – Bran is now the new King Ding-a-ling of Westeros and he brought his own chair. Because that’s just how he fokken rolls…
    Ja… It is maybe not the ending we wanted, but hey, what are you going to do? Sign a petition? Hahaha! How has that ever worked out for anyone? I’m actually completely emotionally fine with how the whole thing ended after nine-ish years, but I do have some questions of my own:
    Why does the Night’s Watch even need to exist after the Night King vrekked?
    If Bran wasn’t interested in being king at all, why then say something stupid like “Why do you think I came all this way?” Fuck off, dude – you din’t want it, now all of a sudden you pretend that you came aaaalll this way in your wheelchair? That is just a plot hole.
    The thing that really got me scratching my head though, was the very last scene in the second last episode – Arya comes across probably the only living thing in Kings Landing after Khaleesie had her marshmallow roast party – a white horse in pretty good nick. It is a beautiful cinematic shot on which the creators put a lot of effort into. And a lot of time is dedicated to this scene. The viewer is like: “Jissis, nou gaan daar kak wees in die final episode! Look at that lekker perd that Arya got! She’s probably gonna wheelie that perd all the way to Cersei Lannister and put a dagger through her left tit and then wheelie that perd all the way to the mother of one dragon and stab her though the right tit. And then Arya will be queen of Westertos! because she made the most effort out of everyone!”
    Fokol perd in the last episode.
    Arya’s like “I’m on a boat motherfucker!”

Ag nee man julle!

But fear not! There is now #LAGOT – Life after Game of Thrones and you can start picking through the stuff to watch from our weekly top 10 list from The Plumlist:

 10 “Why do you think I came all this way?”
Eight years. Seventy-three episodes. Eighty-eight hours. That’s how much time we’ve spent watching Game of Thrones – assuming we’ve only watched each episode once. And that obviously doesn’t take into account the hours and hours we’ve spent reading about every episode of Season 8 online, or the time spent poring over preview trailers, or the minutes that ticked by while we argued with other fans on Twitter.
On Showmax
(read more)
 #9 The 15 most memorable moments in Seasons 1 to 8 of Game of Thrones
Game of Thrones is lying dead and buried in the rubble left by Season 8’s all-out carnage. If you’re having withdrawal symptoms, re-binge the entire series on Showmax, making special note of these best moments, game-changers and full-on GoT craziness that helped make it the biggest show on the planet.
 On Showmax
(read more)
#8 HBO has your next TV addiction in the era of AGoT
That’s shorthand for After Game of Thrones, obviously. These 10 shows will get you through this dark and difficult time.
 On Showmax
(read more)
 #7 A testament to the newspapermen of old
It’s a gloomy truth that some of us will see the death of print media in our lifetime; the decline began several years ago. Where we once bought daily newspapers, we now consume our news online or via the relentless 24-hour news cycle on television.

On DStv Now & Showmax
(read more)
 #6 Escape at Dannemora: like Prison Break, except it’s the real deal
If you missed seven-episode miniseries Escape At Dannemora earlier this year on DStv, there’s good news: you can still learn how to break out of prison by streaming the drama show on Showmax.
 On Showmax 
(read more)
 #5 The 5 maddest moments in HBO’s Animals
HBO’s Animals is a weird show. It’s an animated series about wild and domesticated animals living in New York City. You’ll see dogs dealing with bullies and pigeons trying to wrap their minds around gender identity. You’ll also see a mad professor trying to destroy the world, rats fight over their sawdust-and-faeces lover, and the invention of pants.
 On Showmax
(read more)
 #4 Girls just wanna have fun, but life goes on…

 On Netflix
(read more)
 #3 Five unmissable South African documentaries

Thinking of heading to Cape Town for the Encounters Documentary Festival from 6 June? Stream these films on Showmax to get you in the mood for a showcase of eye-opening, provocative, fascinating film..

On Showmax
(read more)
 #2 Five things to know about Chernobyl before streaming the HBO miniseries
In HBO’s Chernobyl, the human story of the disaster is brought to life by brilliant performances from Stellan Skarsgård (The Avengers), Emily Watson (Kingsman: The Golden Circle) and Jared Harris (The Crown) in a gripping series that follows the responders who made incredible sacrifices to contain the nuclear fallout.
 On Showmax
(read more)
 #1.South African actress Kim Engelbrecht talks everything Flash!
South Africans really like to see fellow South Africans thrive overseas, especially in entertainment, and it fills them with pride, probably because the odds are stacked so high. That circle of achievers is also relatively small.
 On DStv Now 
(read more)
 

Our randomized trailer pick of the week

Each week we take a number from 1 to 10 from our list of suggestions and put it through a randomizer to choose a trailer to show you. Because this week’s top 10 is so saturated with Game of Thrones, we’ll let Jack Black have the last word:

griffinThis Game Of Thrones baby is already wearing a nappy. Let’s put it to bed.

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