Pielparade. South African military slang. Ag man, dis lekker innie army!

In Snotstories deur Watkykertjie bydrae34 Eiertjies

(by Casual Jay)

weermag“Pielparade” is an Afrikaans colloquial term commonly used by South African military personnel, especially servicemen and veterans of the old South African Defense Force (S.A.D.F.), which has also entered mainstream South African English as slang. The term means ‘penis parades’ and refers to a range of sexual games or practices in which groups of soldiers participate, supposedly to foster group cohesion. Since pielparade are taboo, and because of the controversial and sensitive nature of the activities of the S.A.D.F. during the final period of the apartheid era, pielparade are rarely written about or openly discussed in public. Pielparade have never been officially sanctioned, and their occurrence largely depended on the predilections of individual section or platoon leaders. Pielparade were also known as ‘spanbou speletjies’ which translates as ‘team building games’ or ‘geesbou speletjies’ (‘team spirit-building games’). Apart from promoting group cohesiveness, the games were also meant to be humorous and to entertain the troops.

Laërskommel
The most common game is known as ‘laërskommel’ which literally translates as ‘laager milkshake’ but means ‘circle jerk’ which is when a group of men form a circle and masturbate themselves till they ejaculate. During the nineteenth century, the ancestors of the Afrikaners, called Boers, used to create encampments formed by a circle of wagons to protect them from attacks by hostile African tribes or wild animals. These circular encampments were called laagers in Dutch which the Boers spoke at the time but their Dutch eventually evolved into Afrikaans. The Afrikaans word for ‘laager’ is ‘laër’. The ‘skommel’ or ‘milkshake’ part of ‘laërskommel’ refers to male masturbation and semen which may resemble certain milkshakes.
paratusThe section or platoon would gather in the section or platoon bungalow or outside and create an area called the ‘saadskietbaan’. ‘Saad’ means ‘seed’ or ‘seeds’ but in this context it means ‘semen’, ‘skiet’ means ‘shoot’ and ‘baan’ means ‘shooting range’ or ‘a range for target practice’. The section or platoon leader would order participants to form a circle or line up in a row behind a line in the ‘saadskietbaan’. Soldiers would weeermag ou vlagthen place bets on which participants would ejaculate first, last or furthest. Participants were then ordered to strip naked. The ‘laërskommel’ might be preceded by a ‘worswedstryd’ (see below) or participants were ordered to perform ‘jumping jacks’ or ‘star jumps’ which are a type of physical exercise in which the performer jumps from a standing position with the arms and legs pointing outwards. The purpose of ordering the participants to perform ‘jumping jacks’ was partly to humiliate them and to humour the onlookers because the participants’ penises would inevitably flail up and down or side to side as they jumped. Participants would then proceed to masturbate themselves till they ejaculated. Occasionally, participants would be ordered to stimulate other participants’ penises or scrotum. After the last participant had finished ejaculating, the winnings were then distributed.

Other Afrikaans slang words for ‘laërskommel’ include:
Kraalskommel – a ‘kraal’ is a traditional African village of huts surrounded by a circular fence or it is a circular enclosure for livestock; ‘skommel’ means ‘milkshake’ of which the meaning in this context is explained above.
Kringskommel – a ‘kring’ is a ‘ring’ or ‘circle’; ‘skommel’ means ‘milkshake’ of which the meaning in this context is explained above.
Balskud – a ‘bal’ is a ‘ball’ but in this context it means ‘testicle’ and ‘skud’ means ‘to shake’. The term also occurs in the plural, viz. ballasskud
Saadbomme – ‘saad’ means ‘seed’ or ‘seeds’ but in this context it means ‘semen’, and ‘bomme’ means ‘bombs’.
Saadkannone – ‘saad’ means ‘seed’ or ‘seeds’ but in this context it means ‘semen’, and ‘kannone’ means ‘cannons’.
Saadskiet – ‘saad’ means ‘seed’ or ‘seeds’ but in this context it means ‘semen’, and ‘skiet’ means ‘shoot’.
Saadskietparade – ‘saad’ means ‘seed’ or ‘seeds’ but in this context it means ‘semen’, ‘skiet’ means ‘shoot’ and ‘parade’ means ‘parade’.
Skietpiel – ‘skiet’ means ‘shoot’ and ‘piel’ means ‘penis’.
Toltrekparade – ‘tol’ means ‘dick’ (i.e. slang for ‘penis’), ‘trek’ means ‘pull’ and ‘parade’ means ‘parade’
Draadtrekparade – ‘draad’ means ‘wire’ but in this context it means ‘penis’, ‘trek’ means ‘pull’ and ‘parade’ means ‘parade’
Tottietrekparade – ‘tottie’ means ‘willy’ (i.e. slang for ‘penis’), ‘trek’ means ‘pull’ and ‘parade’ means ‘parade’.

Other types of pielparade:
Worswedstryd
This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘wors’ which means ‘sausage’ and ‘wedstryd’ which means ‘match’ or ‘game’. Participants would take bets to see whose penises were the longest or shortest or thickest, and the money or whatever was being bet would then be distributed to the winners.

Handstoot
This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘hand’ which means ‘hand’ and ‘stoot’ which means ‘push’. Participants would stand naked in a row and thrust their erect penises in their hands till they ejaculated, basically as if they were having sex with their own hands. Bets would be placed on who could ejaculate first, last or the furthest.

Olifantloop
This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘olifant’ which means ‘elephant’ and ‘loop’ which means ‘walk’. Participants would be ordered to stand naked in a column. Each soldier would take hold of the penis of the soldier in front of him by putting his hands between the soldier’s legs from behind, as well as the penis of the soldier behind him. The participants would then be ordered to walk, to the amusement of the onlookers.

Kussingkannon
This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘kussing’ which means ‘cushion’ or ‘pillow’ and ‘kannon’ which means ‘cannon’. Participants would be ordered to strip naked, make their penises erect and then rub them against a pillow or cushion till they ejaculate. As with other pielparade, bets would be placed on which participant would ejaculate first or last or the furthest.

Poppekas
This game derives from the Afrikaans word for ‘doll house’. A soldier would bring a woman, usually a prostitute, to the platoon bungalow and have sex with her while other troops watch. Sometimes the woman would be aware and sometimes the woman would be unaware that she was being watched. The troops watching would be ordered to masturbate and ejaculate while watching.

flamingo bombsFlaminkbomme
This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘flamink’ which means ‘flamingo’ and ‘bomme’ which means ‘bombs’. Flamingos sleep by balancing on one leg. In this game, participants would be ordered to strip naked and stand on one leg by holding the other leg by the foot behind the back. The participants would then be ordered to masturbate and ejaculate while trying to balance on one leg. The participants had to masturbate with the hand which they did not usually use to masturbate. If the participants failed to maintain their balance, they would be punished with an ‘opfok’ (literally ‘up-fuck’, or ‘fuck up’) which was a series of punishment exercises like push-ups, running, jumping jacks, etc.

Swaardgeweer
This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘swaard’ which means ‘sword’ and ‘geweer’ which means ‘gun’ and is also jokingly known as ‘penis fencing’ or ‘sword-fighting’. This game was essentially a form of frottage; direct penis-to-penis contact, in which participants would use their penises as ‘swords’ in a ‘swordfight’, which usually involved the competitive element of trying to make the other participant ejaculate first.

Jagsbly
This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘jags’ which means ‘horny’ and ‘bly’ which means ‘to remain’. The section or platoon leader would order the soldiers to strip naked and masturbate. The participants would then engage in edging or orgasm control which is a sexual technique that involves a high level of sexual arousal for an extended period of time without reaching orgasm. The competitive aspect of this game would be to see which soldier could continue masturbating the longest without having an orgasm.

 Eensame kannon or Lekkende kraan or Kraanspuit
“Eensaam’ means ‘lonely’ and ‘kannon’ means ‘cannon’; ‘lekkende’ means ‘leaky’ and ‘kraan’ means ‘tap’; ‘spuit’ means ‘spray’ or ‘shoot’. In this game, soldiers in a platoon bungalow would be ordererd to strip naked and stand together in a group. Then they would be ordered to masturbate. Whenever a participant was ready to ejaculate, he would have to raise his hand and stand in front of the group so that all of the soldiers could watch him ejaculate. This would continue till every soldier had finished ejaculating.

soggy marieSoggy Marie or Soggy biscuit or Soggy cookie
Marie biscuits are a brand of biscuits in South Africa. In this game, contestants were ordered to ejaculate onto a digestive biscuit or cookie. Whoever ejaculated first was deemed the winner, and the last person to ejaculate was forced to eat the biscuit.

Komkoor
This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘kom’ which means ‘cum’ and ‘koor’ which means ‘choir’. In this game, soldiers would be ordered to strip naked and masturbate. Each soldier had to reach a point so that the entire squad or platoon could ejaculate simultaneously. If a soldier ejaculated too soon, or too late, the entire squad or platoon would be punished with an ‘opfok’ (a series of punishment exercises) and afterwards would have to repeat the ‘komkoor’.

Komkoffie
This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘kom’ which means ‘cum’ and ‘koffie’ which means ‘coffee’. Soldiers would be ordered to masturbate and ejaculate into the same mug or cup one by one. The group would continue to repeat ejaculations till the mug or cup was filled to the brim with semen. The soldier that ejaculated the least would have the mug or cup of semen poured over him by the group.

Motivation
armyThere are various reasons why pielparade was encouraged, but the overall purpose was supposedly to promote greater group cohesion. Section or platoon leaders ordered pielparade variously to foster ‘gehoorsaamheid’ (‘obedience’), ‘samesyn’ (‘togetherness’), ‘gelykheid’ (‘equality’), ‘eenheid’ (‘unity’) or ‘gees’ (‘spirit’) among their troops. The idea is that performing such a private, intimate act in front of other soldiers would decrease awareness of individual identity and promote greater awareness of group identity, and cultivate stronger bonds of trust, togetherness and mutual respect which are supposedly critical to the cohesion of the platoon. A more skeptical view is that it was a type of indoctrination to encourage soldiers to relent to unquestioning obedience so that soldiers would follow orders that could be interpreted as morally wrong or repugnant. Not all platoon leaders orderered their troops to perform pielparade but it was fairly common at different bases and camps throughout South Africa and the military’s operational area. While pielparade feature a homoerotic element, they may be interpreted an effort to establish heterosexual, masculine dominance within a group. What actually motivates participation is to have fellow men witness and acknowledge one’s sexual prowess, helping to counter feelings of inadequacy related to sex and masculinity. It is also a means of gaining comparative knowledge of, weermag 7or exploring, male anatomy and its functions in an accepted way since many soldiers might not have been exposed to other men’s bodies prior to basic army training.
Since such unethical medical practices as those carried out by Dr Aubrey Levin were officially sanctioned, it is likely that sexual practices or games like pielparade were thus tacitly accepted by military officials as having a factual basis. There is no medical study which proves or disproves that pielparade are effective or ineffective as a means of fostering group cohesion. Nonetheless, the practice obtains.

Deel met jou tjommies!

    Watkykertjie bydraePielparade. South African military slang. Ag man, dis lekker innie army!

    Comments

    1. Johan

      As iemand wat 2 jaar lank diens gedoen het in die SAW, wil ek net graag noem dat die skrywer van hierdie artikel kak praat.

      Ek het in my lewe nog nooit van hierdie nonsens gehoor nie. Ek staan verbysterd dat Afrikaanse mans sulke stront die wereld in stuur om ons in ‘n swak lig te stel…

    2. John

      I would like to bring to your attention that the information provided in this article is erroneous.

      In the years I served in the SADF in Bloemfontein, Lohatla and Oudtshoorn I had never heard nor witnessed above practices.

      Truth be told the army was very homophobic and any gay activity immediately led to disciplinary action and even military prison time.

      Regards

    3. Annerman

      My fok! PW het in die 80’s met sy nare gesig en vinger in die lug op SAUK-TV gesê ons was in Angola om die kommuniste te fight! Geddit?….. kom-muniste! Geen wonder my broer praat nie oor sy army dae nie. Hy’t die hele dag polony ge-choke!

    4. Leendert

      I was a lieutenant in the intelligence corps, and if something like this ever happened, we would’ve been aware of it. This is total news to me, and I strongly think it’s nonsense. In fact, where I served we had officers stripped of their ranks because of a homosexual incident.

    5. Rum Pram

      Casual Jay praat loutere KAK! Ek was 1977 – 78 in die SAW en het nooit van sulke kak gehoor nie. Dit was MANNE in weermag – nie fokken moffies nie! As jy enige sulke fokken gay tendense gehad het, was jy in groot moeilikheid. Miskien gebeur hierdie goed in die nuwe SADF maar nie in my dae nie. Wat het van my volkie geword?

    6. Tjops

      Dis net die wankers wat hierdie tipe kak gedoen het- bok koppe, tiffies in Valhalla en waterhofies! Dis loutere kak wat julle kwytraak op hierdie cheap website vir mense wat nie innie armie was nie! Ek was daar en ons het gees gebou met tires, teerpale, opfok ens – PW sou nie die tipe kak kon handle in sy SAWA nie!

    7. Chopper

      John, Johan en ander wat soos ek voel, julle is heeltemal reg! Ons het nie hierdie mak moer nodig om van ons verlede ‘n wanvoorstelling te maak nie. Hulle sou in die ou dae vir Casual Jay agter ‘n muur vrekgeskiet het!

    8. Pielneus

      Dit is totaal en al n klomp kak. Die name en beskrywings is bloot iets wat een of ander jakals in n koshuis uitgedink het, die kak het nie in die weermag gebeur nie. MAAARR in vandag se dae is alles moontlik met die komp moffies in bloem en ag vok oral!!!

    9. Frikkie Fokstok

      Hierdie kak klink vir my soos ‘n urban legend. Dalk het dit eenkeer erens gebeur maar ek glo nie dit was ‘n algemene ding nie en die konserwatiewe ooms se snorre sou spin as hulle van die kak gehoor het.

    10. Ou De Doos

      Where on earth did this guy get this absolute nonsense !!?? I was in the S.A. Marines and we would have been keelhauled for such behaviour. If you were to survive the keelhaul, you would have been immediately shot !

      Why would anyone want to write such gibberish ? And why would anyone else want to promote and distribute it ?? Hmm ? WKJ ?

    11. Philip

      Kak, ek was deur alles in die weermag, basies, vakopleiding, keurrade, JL’s en later ‘n R.O.O. instrukteur in ‘n opleidingskamp.
      Later kampe orals gedoen. Het nooit sulke stront, bullshit in my lewe gesien nie. Ek vertel julle ons was te besig en moeg vir
      sulke kak!!!!

    12. johan

      Ja Chopper, “ongelukke” het gebeur met useless slymsloote …

    13. Jagter

      Ek vermoed ook soos Frikkie Fokstok dat die ‘n urban legend is. Ek maak nie juis uit van die army nie want ek het dit gelukkig gemis, maar elke jaar met koshuis ontgroenings was daar altyd gerugte dat die tipe aktiwiteite by iemand anders se koshuis gebeur het.

    14. Belhamel

      Jirre dis nou n pot kak wat die blaar praat. Tensy hy en sy paar maatjies dit skelm in die DB gedoen het…
      In my 18 jaar in verskeie eenhede in die weermag het ek slegs van die poppekas verneem, maar sonder dat die toeskouers staan en draadtrek.
      Fok Griff waar grawe jy die kak uit??

    15. Je

      Was in the military for 9 years, first time I here of this crap coming from Casual Jay’s piehole. I doubledare the little doos to come forward and explain himself. We will probably find out he wasnt accepted in the army for being one or other type of misfit (Oscartype)

    16. WillemWikkelSpier

      EK is ‘n moffie en was in die weermag, ou ene nog, en ek kan julle verseker ek het gedroom van sulke dinge, maar dit het nooit gebeur nie. Ja ons het ons fun met die straights gehad, en hulle het gereeld kom kuier vir ‘n bj of ‘n handjob, moenie ook dat die klomp hierbo wat in ontkenning leef julle bluf nie, maar die goed soos in die artikel het nooit gebeur nie.

    17. Adriaan "Gryp en Ryp"

      Ek vermoed Casual Jay het by die verkeerde website sy storie gepost. Hy het in die ander tab sy erotiese stories vir jagse vokken engelsmannetjies oopgehad, vinnig gecheck wat maak die rockspiders by watkykjy, en toe perongeluk gepost toe die hond wat besig was om die peanut butter van sy piel af te lek van sy skoot afpoes. Ai Casual Jay.

      Anyway, ek het in 99 basic en offisiers gedoen. In my persoononlike hoedanigheid amper my voel afgeruk maar geen van die aktitwiteite uit Casual Jay se homo-ertiese fantasiee opgemerk nie. Daar was ook nie baie wegkruip plek nie, so ek sou “hulle” gekokkenodge het. Ons was natuurlik ook heeltemal te vokken moeg om vir mekaar se piele te kyk. Vok, asof basics nie erg genoeg is nie. Sorry om te disappoint Casual Jay. Jy is ‘n rooinek poes en moet vokkof. Sit net eers die hond neer.

    18. Zonk

      Hierdie doos praat sy kop se kak. Sy ooms het met hom gelol toe hy klein was en toe hy sy Pa vertel , toe violate hy hom ook !!

    19. Casual se ma

      Watse kak sit julle deesdae op WKJ. Nee jirre jissis man. Die casuel jay moet maar met homself gaan speel. Griff jy kan nie dat enige dom kont kak hier post nie asb fanks.

    20. Mathys J Thom

      Die Ou praat twak. Ek was in die Polisiemag met ‘n Broer in die SAW. “Bunny’s” was uit. Dit hoort in die piepie eiland Engeland “House of Commons” & hul Army. Hul gedrag was nog altyd swak gay of hetero veral in oorlogtyd. M16 Militere intelegensie spioene saai tans rassehaat in ons land.

    21. Jan Pierewiet

      Ek het van sulke goed gehoor toe ek nog op diens was, maar ek het dit nooit self ervaar nie. Die het vir my soos koshuismite geklink. Later op Maties het ek psigiatrie geswot waar daar talle oortuigende getuienisse op rekord is. Dit het my nie regtig verbaas nie. Dit is nie uniek aan Suid-Afrika nie.

    22. Boknaai Schuitmaker

      So ‘n paar Ouens het soms saam draad getrek onder bevel. So what? Dis nie die ergste weermag ontgroening stories wat ek al van gehoor en oorleef het nie.

    23. Gaap

      Ag man ouens hou op om so te blaf. Kan julle nie vir Kamp Staaldraad onthou nie? Dit was mos die Springbok kamp by Thabazimbi waar die spelers opstote helemaal KAALGAT saam mekaar gedoen het, op gruis helemaal KAALGAT saam mekaar gekruip het, rugbyballe in ‘n yskoue dam vir twee ure helemaal KAALGAT saam mekaar opgeblaas het, ook in ‘n put vir fokweet hoe lank KAALGAT saam mekaar gesit het. En die was net die informasie met fotos en video wat aan die publiek uitgelek het. Die punt van die kamp volgens die bestuurders was spanbou, samehorigheid en dissipline onder die spelers te verskerp en te vestig voor die Wereldbekertoernooi, en dat naaktheid almal gelyk maak. Ouens is deesdae so pieperig. Hulle het goeie punte gemaak. Die kamp bestuurders is mos almal ou SAW ouens. Waar dink julle sukke idees vandaan kom eh? Waar daar ‘n rokie is, is daar ‘n vuurtjie.

    24. DronkVerdriet

      Ek dog die ou praat kak met die groot wild, toe gaan soek ek bietjie. Ek was te verveeld om al die kwouts te kry maar hier is ‘n paar uit die verslag van verskeie navorsingsagentskappe van ‘n paar jaar terug, vertaal van Afr:

      “For reasons known only to the commanders who ordered it, there were incidents where men were forced to perform sexual acts in a group. Neil provided counselling and inevitably heard stories about incidents during their national service.”

      “A person in military intelligence told a story of how bonding between troops was encouraged for cohesion, and things like circle jerk-offs happened. Their theory was in a problem situation salvage or try to help such a comrade.”

      “At Maritzkop camp an NCO forced servicemen to drop their trousers and perform sexual acts.”

      “Gender and sexuality often played a role in the ritual humiliations through a focus on genitals.”

      “The guys were commanded to place bets. Kobus, Johan, Frans and I were first because we had the biggest dicks. We had to jerk off and the first to cum got all the money like a stokvel. Then the next lot of guys stepped up, and so on.”

      “There were other sort of separate rituals where people were tied to trees and had shoe polish rubbed round their genitals and then the whole regiment or whoever / platoon or whatever could come and inspect the person’s genitals.”

      “He ordered us to stand in a row and wank. One by one we would have to come forward, face the group and cum. He said it was to build team spirit. It was difficult for some guys with everyone looking at him. But we had to wait till each one finished. Ag, it was all for a laugh in the end.”

    25. Poesbek

      Gaan kak man! Dis nie net Boeretroepe wat saamskommel vir gehoorsaamheid nie! In die Britse armie noem hulle sulke goed splash games, in Israel is dit zubur (zubur beteken tottie), in die Russiese armie is dit dedovshchina, in Spanje is dit novotada, in Pole is dit fala, in Australie is dit bastardisation, in Frankryk is dit bapteme of bizutage, in Finland is dit mopokaste, in Latvie is dit iesvetibas, in Swede is dit nollning, in Portugal is dit praxe, in Italie is dit nonnismo, en alhoewel hulle nie ‘n spesifieke woord daarvoor het nie is dit deel van hazing in die Amerikaanse weermag, blah blah blah. Fok man dis natuurlik nie net in die SADF waar ouens met hulle piele saamspeel vir gees nie, dis net dat niemand praat daaroor!

    26. Lucas

      Was almal so heilig behalwe ek? Ek het op Jan Kemp, 93 Amo depot, sewe soorte kak uit die ou dronkgat/vetgat samjoor se standerd 7 dogtertjie gespyker. As ek in die nag moes wagstaan het ons in die middag na skool, in die tuin of op n bed wat op hulle stoep gestaan het gepomp. In die aand moes ons wag tot die samjoor dronk van die kantien af kom. Dan het ons op die maat van sy snorke op die sitkamermat gepomp. Haar ouer sussie en n andrr troep sommer hier langs ons.

    27. Ben

      Hierdie is sommer ‘n lot kak wat hierdie eensame jags doos sit en uitdink. Daar was nooit sulke goed in die weermag nie.

      This is one lonely fuckhead dreaming. There was never such action in the South African Military!!

    28. Dikvethardejagsboerepiel

      Jou Comment *Ja ….’n man sal nie wil erken dat jy bevredig is deur iemand van jou eie geslag nie. Julle hardegat “straight’ macho piele LIEG !!!!!

    29. Rich

      Jou Comment *Unbelievable variations of team building and “effing” weird ou…, and in the SADF ? It did NOT occur at 1 SAI ,Wepener, de Brug Luhatla or 61 Mech SWA. It would have been spoken about amongst all ex “troppies” over all these years? Where on earth does one create such erotic ways for team building. Thanks to my corp and Lt that did not venture there ! I could never imagine holding my buds dick or another troops for the sake of any damn exercise …. .or even enter into self manipulation techniques …… let alone for team building man ! The strenuous phases we were under in preparation for combat was enough to deal with ……..I rest my case guys.

    30. Pete

      Never came across this in either the army or the navy. I think this is a figment of someone’s very creative imagination and personal yearnings.

    31. David

      This is a load of rubbish. Did my time in 81_82 the guy writing this rubbish must have lived in his own deranged world

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