(by Casual Jay)
“Pielparade” is an Afrikaans colloquial term commonly used by South African military personnel, especially servicemen and veterans of the old South African Defense Force (S.A.D.F.), which has also entered mainstream South African English as slang. The term means ‘penis parades’ and refers to a range of sexual games or practices in which groups of soldiers participate, supposedly to foster group cohesion. Since pielparade are taboo, and because of the controversial and sensitive nature of the activities of the S.A.D.F. during the final period of the apartheid era, pielparade are rarely written about or openly discussed in public. Pielparade have never been officially sanctioned, and their occurrence largely depended on the predilections of individual section or platoon leaders. Pielparade were also known as ‘spanbou speletjies’ which translates as ‘team building games’ or ‘geesbou speletjies’ (‘team spirit-building games’). Apart from promoting group cohesiveness, the games were also meant to be humorous and to entertain the troops.
The most common game is known as ‘laërskommel’ which literally translates as ‘laager milkshake’ but means ‘circle jerk’ which is when a group of men form a circle and masturbate themselves till they ejaculate. During the nineteenth century, the ancestors of the Afrikaners, called Boers, used to create encampments formed by a circle of wagons to protect them from attacks by hostile African tribes or wild animals. These circular encampments were called laagers in Dutch which the Boers spoke at the time but their Dutch eventually evolved into Afrikaans. The Afrikaans word for ‘laager’ is ‘laër’. The ‘skommel’ or ‘milkshake’ part of ‘laërskommel’ refers to male masturbation and semen which may resemble certain milkshakes.
The section or platoon would gather in the section or platoon bungalow or outside and create an area called the ‘saadskietbaan’. ‘Saad’ means ‘seed’ or ‘seeds’ but in this context it means ‘semen’, ‘skiet’ means ‘shoot’ and ‘baan’ means ‘shooting range’ or ‘a range for target practice’. The section or platoon leader would order participants to form a circle or line up in a row behind a line in the ‘saadskietbaan’. Soldiers would then place bets on which participants would ejaculate first, last or furthest. Participants were then ordered to strip naked. The ‘laërskommel’ might be preceded by a ‘worswedstryd’ (see below) or participants were ordered to perform ‘jumping jacks’ or ‘star jumps’ which are a type of physical exercise in which the performer jumps from a standing position with the arms and legs pointing outwards. The purpose of ordering the participants to perform ‘jumping jacks’ was partly to humiliate them and to humour the onlookers because the participants’ penises would inevitably flail up and down or side to side as they jumped. Participants would then proceed to masturbate themselves till they ejaculated. Occasionally, participants would be ordered to stimulate other participants’ penises or scrotum. After the last participant had finished ejaculating, the winnings were then distributed.
Other Afrikaans slang words for ‘laërskommel’ include:
Kraalskommel – a ‘kraal’ is a traditional African village of huts surrounded by a circular fence or it is a circular enclosure for livestock; ‘skommel’ means ‘milkshake’ of which the meaning in this context is explained above.
Kringskommel – a ‘kring’ is a ‘ring’ or ‘circle’; ‘skommel’ means ‘milkshake’ of which the meaning in this context is explained above.
Balskud – a ‘bal’ is a ‘ball’ but in this context it means ‘testicle’ and ‘skud’ means ‘to shake’. The term also occurs in the plural, viz. ballasskud
Saadbomme – ‘saad’ means ‘seed’ or ‘seeds’ but in this context it means ‘semen’, and ‘bomme’ means ‘bombs’.
Saadkannone – ‘saad’ means ‘seed’ or ‘seeds’ but in this context it means ‘semen’, and ‘kannone’ means ‘cannons’.
Saadskiet – ‘saad’ means ‘seed’ or ‘seeds’ but in this context it means ‘semen’, and ‘skiet’ means ‘shoot’.
Saadskietparade – ‘saad’ means ‘seed’ or ‘seeds’ but in this context it means ‘semen’, ‘skiet’ means ‘shoot’ and ‘parade’ means ‘parade’.
Skietpiel – ‘skiet’ means ‘shoot’ and ‘piel’ means ‘penis’.
Toltrekparade – ‘tol’ means ‘dick’ (i.e. slang for ‘penis’), ‘trek’ means ‘pull’ and ‘parade’ means ‘parade’
Draadtrekparade – ‘draad’ means ‘wire’ but in this context it means ‘penis’, ‘trek’ means ‘pull’ and ‘parade’ means ‘parade’
Tottietrekparade – ‘tottie’ means ‘willy’ (i.e. slang for ‘penis’), ‘trek’ means ‘pull’ and ‘parade’ means ‘parade’.
Other types of pielparade:
This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘wors’ which means ‘sausage’ and ‘wedstryd’ which means ‘match’ or ‘game’. Participants would take bets to see whose penises were the longest or shortest or thickest, and the money or whatever was being bet would then be distributed to the winners.
This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘hand’ which means ‘hand’ and ‘stoot’ which means ‘push’. Participants would stand naked in a row and thrust their erect penises in their hands till they ejaculated, basically as if they were having sex with their own hands. Bets would be placed on who could ejaculate first, last or the furthest.
This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘olifant’ which means ‘elephant’ and ‘loop’ which means ‘walk’. Participants would be ordered to stand naked in a column. Each soldier would take hold of the penis of the soldier in front of him by putting his hands between the soldier’s legs from behind, as well as the penis of the soldier behind him. The participants would then be ordered to walk, to the amusement of the onlookers.
This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘kussing’ which means ‘cushion’ or ‘pillow’ and ‘kannon’ which means ‘cannon’. Participants would be ordered to strip naked, make their penises erect and then rub them against a pillow or cushion till they ejaculate. As with other pielparade, bets would be placed on which participant would ejaculate first or last or the furthest.
This game derives from the Afrikaans word for ‘doll house’. A soldier would bring a woman, usually a prostitute, to the platoon bungalow and have sex with her while other troops watch. Sometimes the woman would be aware and sometimes the woman would be unaware that she was being watched. The troops watching would be ordered to masturbate and ejaculate while watching.
This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘flamink’ which means ‘flamingo’ and ‘bomme’ which means ‘bombs’. Flamingos sleep by balancing on one leg. In this game, participants would be ordered to strip naked and stand on one leg by holding the other leg by the foot behind the back. The participants would then be ordered to masturbate and ejaculate while trying to balance on one leg. The participants had to masturbate with the hand which they did not usually use to masturbate. If the participants failed to maintain their balance, they would be punished with an ‘opfok’ (literally ‘up-fuck’, or ‘fuck up’) which was a series of punishment exercises like push-ups, running, jumping jacks, etc.
This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘swaard’ which means ‘sword’ and ‘geweer’ which means ‘gun’ and is also jokingly known as ‘penis fencing’ or ‘sword-fighting’. This game was essentially a form of frottage; direct penis-to-penis contact, in which participants would use their penises as ‘swords’ in a ‘swordfight’, which usually involved the competitive element of trying to make the other participant ejaculate first.
This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘jags’ which means ‘horny’ and ‘bly’ which means ‘to remain’. The section or platoon leader would order the soldiers to strip naked and masturbate. The participants would then engage in edging or orgasm control which is a sexual technique that involves a high level of sexual arousal for an extended period of time without reaching orgasm. The competitive aspect of this game would be to see which soldier could continue masturbating the longest without having an orgasm.
Eensame kannon or Lekkende kraan or Kraanspuit
“Eensaam’ means ‘lonely’ and ‘kannon’ means ‘cannon’; ‘lekkende’ means ‘leaky’ and ‘kraan’ means ‘tap’; ‘spuit’ means ‘spray’ or ‘shoot’. In this game, soldiers in a platoon bungalow would be ordererd to strip naked and stand together in a group. Then they would be ordered to masturbate. Whenever a participant was ready to ejaculate, he would have to raise his hand and stand in front of the group so that all of the soldiers could watch him ejaculate. This would continue till every soldier had finished ejaculating.
Soggy Marie or Soggy biscuit or Soggy cookie
Marie biscuits are a brand of biscuits in South Africa. In this game, contestants were ordered to ejaculate onto a digestive biscuit or cookie. Whoever ejaculated first was deemed the winner, and the last person to ejaculate was forced to eat the biscuit.
This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘kom’ which means ‘cum’ and ‘koor’ which means ‘choir’. In this game, soldiers would be ordered to strip naked and masturbate. Each soldier had to reach a point so that the entire squad or platoon could ejaculate simultaneously. If a soldier ejaculated too soon, or too late, the entire squad or platoon would be punished with an ‘opfok’ (a series of punishment exercises) and afterwards would have to repeat the ‘komkoor’.
This game derives from the Afrikaans words ‘kom’ which means ‘cum’ and ‘koffie’ which means ‘coffee’. Soldiers would be ordered to masturbate and ejaculate into the same mug or cup one by one. The group would continue to repeat ejaculations till the mug or cup was filled to the brim with semen. The soldier that ejaculated the least would have the mug or cup of semen poured over him by the group.
There are various reasons why pielparade was encouraged, but the overall purpose was supposedly to promote greater group cohesion. Section or platoon leaders ordered pielparade variously to foster ‘gehoorsaamheid’ (‘obedience’), ‘samesyn’ (‘togetherness’), ‘gelykheid’ (‘equality’), ‘eenheid’ (‘unity’) or ‘gees’ (‘spirit’) among their troops. The idea is that performing such a private, intimate act in front of other soldiers would decrease awareness of individual identity and promote greater awareness of group identity, and cultivate stronger bonds of trust, togetherness and mutual respect which are supposedly critical to the cohesion of the platoon. A more skeptical view is that it was a type of indoctrination to encourage soldiers to relent to unquestioning obedience so that soldiers would follow orders that could be interpreted as morally wrong or repugnant. Not all platoon leaders orderered their troops to perform pielparade but it was fairly common at different bases and camps throughout South Africa and the military’s operational area. While pielparade feature a homoerotic element, they may be interpreted an effort to establish heterosexual, masculine dominance within a group. What actually motivates participation is to have fellow men witness and acknowledge one’s sexual prowess, helping to counter feelings of inadequacy related to sex and masculinity. It is also a means of gaining comparative knowledge of, or exploring, male anatomy and its functions in an accepted way since many soldiers might not have been exposed to other men’s bodies prior to basic army training.
Since such unethical medical practices as those carried out by Dr Aubrey Levin were officially sanctioned, it is likely that sexual practices or games like pielparade were thus tacitly accepted by military officials as having a factual basis. There is no medical study which proves or disproves that pielparade are effective or ineffective as a means of fostering group cohesion. Nonetheless, the practice obtains.