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Dis naweek, kom ons fokken duik!

In Dis naweek kom ons fokken duik! deur griffinRek jou bek

As Vrydag ‘n persoon was, het ek nou sy draad getrek…
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griffinDis naweek, kom ons fokken duik!
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How to mentally cope with that dickhead of an Eskom

In Movies en TV deur griffinRek jou bek

Our top 10 weekly selection of DSTV Now | Showmax | YouTube | Netflix | Amazon Prime
‘Gatvol’ is such a lekker Afrikaans word to convey one’s feelings when it comes to a myriad of state of affairs. That glottal ‘g’ rolls so lekker off the tongue, just like the ‘r’ in ‘lekker’. There is just no other way to accurately describe just how little you have left in you before snapping and reaching the end of your tether: “EK IS NOU PROPER FOKKEN GATVOL!”

No other state owned enterprise manages to collectively piss off an entire nation the way Eskom accomplishes it. Because they ironically wield the most power over our heads. It is the only ‘business’ on planet earth who urges its clients to not make use of their product. Unless you sleep on a mattress made of money, there is close to fuckall you can do about it, because going off the grid costs about the same as half of a bond of a lock-up-and-go apartment in Joburg. So we stay gatvol, angry and negative. Here and there people manage to alleviate the fokken gemors by switching over to solar geysers, gas stoves, generators and the odd solar panel connected to inverters to generate enough power to keep the odd laptop and phone charger going. But most of us have run out of kidneys to sell and jerking people off under the bridge for a geldjie doesn’t pay as well as it used to back in the 2000s.

So we maar try and fokken deal with it and work around the fuckup. Here is a big tip for you: when we DO have electricity, treat your interwebs like a water tank and pretend you live in Cape Town in 2017 – download as much TV series and movies to watch offline as you can. Showmax, Netflix and Amazon Prime gives you the option to download your entertainment in order to watch it offline at a later stage. It will just bring your frustration levels down from an eleven to around a three. Make sure that your phones, tablets and laptops are fully charged and it is also a good idea to invest in a power bank to keep your devices charged. They’re not that expensive anymore and are widely available. Loadshedding stages are normally two-and-a-half hours long at a time, up to three times a day, depending if you are on stage 1 or stage ‘go fuck yourself’, so you can easily burn through six lekker episodes of a gripping series or a movie or two.

Ironically, I am typing this article on my last 25% of laptop battery, because apart from loadshedding which just kicked in, we have had a ‘normal’ power failure which lasted this whole morning until exactly 20 minutes before it came back on, just be be fucked with by loadshedding. So I am off to my favourite tree to go watch The Flash.

Grab your phone or tablet, blanket and some pillows and head off to a lekker section in your garden or your complex and chill with some entertainment while you ignore Eskom. If you need some ideas of what to stream, check out this week’s top 10 which we picked off The Plumlist.

If you decide on number 1 in the list, don’t forget to roll a vet spliff, tjom…

 10# How do we pick our Plums?
Here at The Plum List, we have strict criteria for deciding which shows on South African streaming services (Showmax, DStv Now, Netflix and Amazon Prime) get our plummy stamp of approval
Everywhere
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 #9 The captivating series that shows a Naples you’ve never seen
My Brilliant Friend is the story of Elena “Lenù” Greco and Raffaella “Lila” Cerullo, who begin a lifelong friendship in their first year of school in Naples.
 On Showmax
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#8 The Fab Five are the best friends you wish you had
The Queer Eye Season 3 heroes all have a few things in common. They all live in Kansas City, which is pretty much bang in the middle of the United States. They’re all pretty regular people with very regular, relatable problems, but with a couple of extreme stressors thrown into the mix
 On Netflix
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 #7 The sexiest movies and series to stream
They say that chivalry is dead (and good riddance, frankly – we’re all capable of opening our own car doors, thank you very much) and old-fashioned romance might be going the same way.
 On Showmax
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 #6 Nineteen of the best action series to stream
Bored with blah drama shows? Tired of not-that-funny comedies? Not buying into scripted “reality” series? Stream any of these 20 action shows and get your heart rate bouncing like a basketball in an NBA game!
 Everywhere
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 #5 Eighteen tales of animated insanity – for adults only!
Shortly after this year’s Cape Town International Animation Festival, Netflix launched one of the edgiest animated series the world has ever seen. It’s not for sensitive or young viewers, but those who watch this new anthology are in for a few treats… and a lot of shocks!
 On Netflix
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 #4 Change is afoot in Formula 1
Although Formula 1 is a commercial juggernaut with millions of fans scattered across the world, it remains opaque and secretive for all but a few insiders. But Netflix’s engrossing and beautifully crafted 10-part series about the 2018 season presents ample proof that things are about to change.
 On Showmax
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 #3 After Life sees Gervais at his bitter best
If you love Ricky Gervais’s brand of godless, cringe-inducing comedy, you’ll adore After Life. If not, you might like it anyway.
 On Netflix
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 #2 Stranger Things is back!
After releasing a teaser trailer for the opening of Starcourt Mall in Hawkins, Indiana eight months ago, we knew that the next season of Stranger Things would take place in the summer of 1985. (Hit pause at the 1.06 mark to see “working mom” Steve working part-time at Scoops Ahoy, the ice-cream shop.)
 On Netflix
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 #1.High hopes: how weed has gone mainstream in entertainment
With American states like Arizona and California,  plus the whole of Canada, legalising marijuana in recent years, cannabis culture has become much more mainstream and accessible.
 On Showmax & Netflix
(read more)
 

Our randomized trailer pick of the week

Each week we take a number from 1 to 10 from our list of suggestions and put it through a randomizer to choose a trailer to show you. This week, it landed on the brand new trailer for Stranger Things!

This going to be very lekker! One day when I have electricity again, I will download the entire series to watch when I don’t have electricity.

griffinHow to mentally cope with that dickhead of an Eskom
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Sally Fitzgibbons – Woensdag se warm bokkie

In Warm Bokkies deur griffinRek jou bek

Yay vir female pro surfers! Yay vir Sally Fitzgibbons! Sy her reeds op 14-jarige ouderdom die Australian Junior Pro open gewen, ‘n contest waar female surfers 21 of jonger moet wees. Sy was die jongste ooit om dit te wen. Sy het nie daar gestop nie. As ons al haar accolades gaan moet bespreek, gaan ons heeldag hier sit. Ons kan dalk net noem dat sy in 2012 die heel eerste Australian open gewen het nadat sy die US open ook gewen het, wat haar detyds die enigste persoon gemaak het wat beide titles in een jaar gehou het.

Wat ‘n accomplished Sheilah!

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griffinSally Fitzgibbons – Woensdag se warm bokkie
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Meisies met seunsname – Is Dit Net Ek Of Is Als Tos?

In Is Dit Net Ek Of Is Alles Tos? deur griffin en Chopper CharlieRek jou bek

 

Ons (griffin & chopper) se boek, Is Dit Net Ek Of Is Als Tos? word hierdie jaar (2019) teen Augustus se kant 11 jaar oud. Om dit te celebrate het ons besluit om alfabeties met die lys af te gaan en ‘n paar topics uit die boek te kies om weekliks hier op Watkykjy te publish, seinde dat ons die regte besit. Dis lekker kort stukkies wat jy op die kakhuis kan lees. Dink daaraan as jou klein zef kakhuisbybeltjie met pitkos vir elke dag… Wel, elke dag tot ons die boek se einde bereik.

Meisies met seunsname
As jy nie seker oor jou kind se geslag by geboorte is nie, moenie oorywerug raak net omdat jy ‘n geboortesertifikaat wil indien en dit agter die rug wil kry nie. Wag ‘n dag of twee. As daar nie ‘n tottie uitpop nie, is dit ‘n dogtertjie. Gee haar asseblief ‘n dogtertjienaam.

As jy egter regtig daarop aandring dat die arme siel haar broodjies alleen moet eet, elke pouse vir die res van haar skoolloopbaan, gaan all-out en gee haar ‘n ordentlike seunsnaam soos Theunis. Dit rym met penis en laat net soveel meer ruimte vir afknouing en verkleinering.

Is Dit Net Ek Of Is Al Tos is in 2008 geskryf en uitgegee en daar was so baie copies verkoop dat ons dit in 2009 laat herdruk het. All-in-all is daar nog net so 10 onverkoopte copies oor op aarde en ons sal teen Augustus se kant besluit wat om met hulle te maak. Kort antwoord – dis nie tans te koop nie.


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griffin en Chopper CharlieMeisies met seunsname – Is Dit Net Ek Of Is Als Tos?